Feeling miserable about my upcoming 21st bday
Hi all. I wasn't exactly sure if this counted as a flair for friendships or something else so hopefully other is right haha. Anyways.
I really only use reddit to post to a group about a car I own so I'm feeling very vulnerable about this. My (20f) 21st birthday is a couple weeks ago and I'm not feeling great about it like I think I should. My birthdays have been overshadowed for a long time. For context, my maternal grandmother passed very suddenly, two days before my 13th birthday. That birthday was of course, very hard on myself and my family and I understood that. However, since then, her side of the family has barely made an effort to show up for my birthdays and my dad's side of the family lives out of state. Because of this, the years that followed I only felt truly seen on my birthdays by my dad and only ever got a present from my dad.
It's safe to say I've struggled with my birthdays for a very obvious reason but this one is different. Last year, my partners parents (and him) made me feel the most seen I've ever felt on my birthday and it was absolutely wonderful. I will note though that his grandma's birthday is two days after mine. This year said Grandma turns 94 and so his family is basically having a family reunion for it. With that being said, my birthday has been entirely brushed under the rug because of it. I was basically told to figure it out myself this year by his family, who has been my home the last two years.
However. As hurt as I feel, I do understand what they're doing for his grandma and am not asking for advice on that. I want some birthday advice on how to make my 21st good for myself because I feel like for once I deserve for my milestone birthday to be about me. I don't really have close friends. However, Ive made friends with 4-5 other girls over the last year. Is it worth sending an evite to those girls for a small party the Friday night after my birthday (since my bday is a Wednesday)? Ive always been the "forgotten" friend so I'm anxious that if I try that no one will show up like normal. And it's that feeling that's making me dread my birthday so much again.
If I'm honest, Im feeling really hopeless about my birthday but I want to try to make something work because I feel like for once I deserve a birthday where I don't spend all day wondering if anyone but my partner or dad even thought about me. I would just appreciate some tips and advice on how to make my birthday work out. And maybe some advice on how to host a get together because I've never done it? Thank you for listening to my little rant, and thank you in advance for any advice (: