u/confused_guava

Pumped 6 months for my first and it took an extra 2 months to wean because I got so many clogged ducts even though I was an under supplier the whole time. I thought nursing was going to be easy, but feeding my baby became anything up easy. Triple feedings, tongue tie that didn't get released, and under supplier issues plagued me. I agonized over every pump and squeezed my eyes past DMER.

For my second I was kinder on myself and having a toddler around meant that I couldn't devote as much time to pumping as I was still an undersupplier despite LCs saying that moms usually make more the second time around. What I hoped would be a redemption tour led to EPing eventually anyway. My second latched but never emptied me completely, but I enjoyed the bond so much I took the hit to my supply.

I didn't make it to 6 months like I did for my first, but I'm proud of myself nonetheless. My last pump was on 5 months and 1 day. My toddler turned on and off my pump since she's learned to "help mama pump" and runs over to help me whenever she sees the pump. My baby sat between my knees playing with a crinkle book and drooling up a storm. My oldest ran around us dancing to baby shark. My husband sat nearby. Chaos as the new norm.

I'm signing off for the last time. I'm done having babies. I'm done sacrificing my physical body to provide for my babies. What a journey. I'm elated but also in mourning over what, I'm not sure.

Thank you to this sub for being there for the highs and the lows. May our nipples all shrink back to the size they were before we were pregnant and the sag be minimal.

This is my second go around. I'm 3ish months in. With my first, I EPed for 6 months and it took me 1.5 months to wean bc I'd get clogged ducts. She never latched and I was an undersupplier but I made about 80% of what she needed.

This time, I made less. I don't know if it's because my second latched but never emptied me, or I'm sleeping less with a toddler running around. At 8 weeks he stopped breastfeeding, so I went to EPing. I make about half of what he drinks.

I'm on 6 ppd and had surgery earlier this week and my supply has dropped because of it. I'm about to lose some daytime childcare for a month from mid Sept to mid Oct, so pumping is going to get harder and I return to work at 6 months mark (late Oct).

Seems like it might be a good time to start weaning. Baby takes formula and bottle great. Doesn't seem to be a point in ramping supply back up just to run into weaning and clogged duct issues and having a hard time finding time to pump.

Even though it's been the plan to wean by 6 months instead of starting at 6 months like last time. I'm still so sad. I feel bad I made way less for this baby than I did my first. I feel bad I didn't have time to power pump and try my hardest to maximize my supply.

I know on the other side of this is my body back, and more time cuddling the babies and normal bras and sleeping on my stomach. And I won't look back.

But in this moment I am feeling so devastated knowing that I should stop. And call it quits so much earlier than what I could give my first.

With my last kid, I was on my husband's insurance and the replacement parts my insurance covered were not Spectra brand and basically didn't really fit the spectra so I ended up buying all the replacement parts myself bc I'm an anxious undersupplier and I wasn't taking chances. The tubing didn't really fit, etc.

Fast forward to current kiddo, I'm on my insurance now, just got the replacement parts and it turns out my insurance covered Spectra replacement parts! And it's the whole set! New bottles, tubing, backflow protector and duckbill.

My husband is really confused about why I'm so excited about this.

But I know you guys won't let me down!!

This is my second kiddo. I had big plans for how much more zen I was going to be. Jokes on me.

First kiddo never latched and was colicky so nursing went straight out the window and I EPed for 8 months as an undersupplier. 2 months longer than I planned to bc I got such bad clogged ducts weaning. Those 2 months felt like my boobs laughing at me bc I barely made anything in a day but I had to pump.

Second time around, I said I'd try nursing, I'd EP if I needed to. I was going to be totally weaned by 6 months, which means starting at around 4.5/5 months. Voila! This one latched, although a bit shallow. I pumped and nursed about 50/50 so other people could feed the baby. I was still an undersupplier, but I'm thinking this is pretty good.

Then came the screaming at the boob at 8w. Either once my supply evened out, I ended up with a forceful let down bc baby now chokes and sputters and gulps air, then screams at the boob or he still has a very shallow latch. Either way, having a baby scream and scream at your boobs is much more traumatizing than I realized. And so I'm back to EPing. I occasionally try to breastfeed, but everyone usually ends up in tears.

The writing seems to be on the wall that nursing days are almost over and I'm surprisingly very emotional about it. I'm back to pumping 8 times a day and back to negotiating with myself how long I'm going to do this. At the start of the day I tell myself I can do this. By the end of the day I just want to quit. I have DMER when I pump. I hate pumping.

I am not the picture of zen I told myself I'd be. I am not even a little zen. Mostly a pile of hot garbage to be honest. I guess I had it good for a month or so.

Anyway, I know the drill. Never quit on a bad day. Fed is best. I always have permission to quit whenever I want. Healthy, sane mom is better than pumping crazed mom. Life is so much better not tied to a pump. I'll just be in the corner, a hormonal crying mess.

I'm on the fence of whether to purchase an Etsy kit to make a necklace. This is my second EP journey and I did not save or make anything from my first. I was not in a good headspace the first time around, but I'm feeling like maybe I want something to commemorate my perseverance and what I went through both times (even though I still think about quiting all the time this second time around).

Any rants or raves about bm jewelry? Reccs from Etsy? Regrets? Felt like the money was worth it or a waste? How much bm do you need, is it basically 2 drops and the rest is resin?