I've literally never been so alone before
Hey guys. I recently lost three "friends" who was forcing a connection with for a long time due to a drama/misunderstanding. I graduated college last year and stayed in my small town. Everyone else left. I met two of these friends I had last September and we all bonded kind of over being the only LGBTQ people in our town basically. These people unfortunately had a LOT of ex-friends and were known as drama starters but I tried to ignore that because I was so lonely. Fast forward to maybe a month ago and another person entered the picture. It seemed like things were okay enough. I had nothing else in common with these people, but at least they tolerated me. Then my depression got way worse and I was having to cancel plans. My friends all got really mean and petty about me doing this and I had to eventually just ignore them altogether because it was weighing on me so deeply and my energy is already just completely gone. I'm in constant fight or flight and anxious anyway so it was just a really bad situation. Anyway I'm so lonely and I feel like this will never end. Almost everyone in my town is very conservative and I can't really get along with them super well as a trans guy. It's so disheartening too that I had a connection and now it's gone. I'm alone. I feel like I have no one who gets it. Sorry for my rant but I didn't know what else to do about this. Also I'm autistic so making friends is hard in the best of circumstances but man. I just don't know anymore.