i ate maggots during the worst times of my life
to preface, i used to have a pretty bad eating disorder a few years ago and during the worst of it, i was eating next to nothing and then binging massive amounts and purging via vomit.
anyways, it was the middle of the night and i was eating everything in the kitchen as per usual, scrounging around in cupboards and scavenging the bullshit in the very back that no one eats.
it’s dark, i’m using the flashlight on my phone set on the ground as i’m crouched on the floor, one arm deep, grabbing blindly at what i found were dried mango slices. i had seen them during other kitchen raids, so i knew that they wouldn’t be missed. i shove my fingers into the plastic packaging and fish out a couple mango slices, aimlessly munching on them as i go back to searching.
for some reason, i lean towards my phone and the upwards light illuminates the silhouette of the piece of mango i’m holding in my mouth. with a delayed horror, i realize that the mango is actually squirming a little bit. i immediately spit it out and upon inspection with my flashlight, i see around a dozen of these tiny white worms eating inside the mango slice.
the worst part is that i definitely didn’t care as much as i should. it kinda just struck me as a pang of disgust and then an “eh, back to business”. i mechanically made my way to the toilet and ended that session of midnight depravity a little early. after i came back to my senses i felt more disturbed about it, and a little shocked how much i genuinely didn’t give a fuck in the moment. oh well. it did take me a couple weeks to forget about it though.
anyways i just wanted to get that off my chest since that period of my life was so weird and gross with an emphasis on gross. if you’re reading this and going through something similar, recovery is possible and worth it lol