It is so hard
I 42f live in the US, with my daughter 17, and husband 42. We moved over 15 years ago from the UK. My stepdad, I am going to call him what my heart calls him Dad lives in the UK with my mum. My family and hubbies are in the UK. My dad has Alzheimer's, Stage 6. It is so hard watching the decline. I flew back (just me, this summer) to help my mum with care giving. I was attending his groups, cooking, allowing my mum to have a wash in peace, and be there. I was also ensuring they had a new kettle and toaster after he broke the old ones, plus persuading my mum to get him reassessed for services because of the decline. I came back to the US end of June, because I myself had surgery scheduled and I then had to get ready for the new school year. My mum knows I will get things she needs. I have ensured we track him on life360 and have put trackers on key things, I have got him a medical alert bracelet (we jokingly call this the return to sender bracelet because it has my mums emergency contact details on it). I have made sure he has visual calendars, clocks to help him know if it is morning etc. plus made memory books for him. I send postcards from Moonpig with photos I have taken, and everything like that.
I feel guilty at the distance. I am worried about the strain on my mum. I am worried about losing my dad while I live away. We all have lives here. I call on Whatsapp and we video chat every Sunday. I have noticed my daughter is finding this harder and harder. She is growing distant speaking to him, and is struggling, she has anxiety. I am trying to stress she needs to because otherwise she will regret it. We are already planning on getting back over next summer. She graduates from High School and already has a college (uni for UK peeps) placement at the one she really wanted to go to. I want to make this a big treat going to Italy but also know we HAVE TO get to my dad aka Grandad.
I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless. I am trying to be strong for my mum, and let her speak to me when she needs to, and be there. I am trying to always speak to my dad and send things to help him still remember the people he loves and cares about. I am also trying to get my daughter to talk to him. She is worried about him. She always wants to know when I have mid week extra info. I feel I am holding everything in for everyone else.
I just needed to say all this in some form. My husband knows and supports, but he is also losing his Nana to dementia too. When I was back in the UK I made sure to visit her too. It is me sending her postcards also whenever I send my dad one.
Alzheimer's and dementia is horrible.