u/cremesinus

Not long ago, I had what I think was a 1-3week (short) depressive episode which I didnt notice until one day when I just felt like crying and had to lie on the bed. I also felt very insecure and kinda desperate. This then happened again and again in waves and I would get better after around 13 o clock. It could still return in the evening, but not often. Me and my partner had both noticed that I had become grumpy in the mornings which would set the tone for the rest of the day before that. I have ADHD so I'm not really there usually in the morning so I didn't think about it, but our dynamic was just off for over a week which ended in a emotional conflict, but which stems from a lot of practical challenges like decision fatigue, lack of alone time, expectations of the visit, etc., which we are working on. We live in different cities so we're trying to find a way for our visits to not feel like a "visit" (which is draining for anyone) but daily life.

Now I'm back at my own place and the last week I haven't really gotten tired until around 4 in the morning, but have stayed up until 5 or even 0630 and gotten around 5 or 6.5 hours of sleep. I took a IR quetiapine for sleep one day and slept for around 9 hours, but felt pretty groggy. I'm on quetiapine and lamotrigine, and per plan from my psych I increased the quetiapine for the depression and now I've kept the increase for whatever is happening now.

I've been birdwatching for years, but recently I became very obsessed about getting a camera. First thing I did when I got home was get a used camera after waking up (which I'm very happy with), and I subsequently figured I needed a camera bag, extra battery, and a lens shade, which I researched until 0630 before I decided fuck that.

Yesterday at work I couldnt do anything except researching how digital cameras work (I'm a physicist so this is very fascinating) and I have completely neglected my routine and daily activities. I don't really feel hungry at all and I forget to eat and drink. I also started posting bird photos on my instagram.

I try to go to bed at my usual time 23-00, but it's like I'm completely glued to my phone and suddenly 4 hours have passed.

I don't necessarily feel great when I wake up. My eyes are tired and dry, and I have a headache, but I'm ready to go! My executive function is shit however so it takes me like 3 hours to get out. Quetiapine offers no sleep pressure at all...

I don't really get what this is? ADHD or a mixed episode (I have been hospitalized for those in the past)? Generally I just feel on edge and anxious, and this morning I think I managed to stave off a possible panic attack by eating a frozen pizza and chugging water.

Hei!

I just wanted to share something I have been experimenting with. I have significant executive dysfunction and we're trying to figure out if it may be ADHD or residual bipolar symptoms.

Anyways, I know executive dysfunction is generally a part of bipolar disorder (depressed, hypomanic, or in-between) and ADHD is a common co-morbidity, so here goes.

I was thinking I need to trick my brain to get things done, so I found an app (I won't name it here as this isn't an advertisement, but it's only on android and I can share information in dms) that lets you run background programs on your phone.

You can program it any way you like, but what I did was that I programmed it to trigger whenever I'm at home in a certain interval, say 1400-2100. It will then give me a semi-random chore recommendation (from a list I made) every 1.5 to 3 hours and start a 10 min timer. I also made sure that it doesn't give me the same chore twice in a row. I also made it that the first time it triggers the interval is a bit shorter (0.5 - 1.5 hours) to gain some momentum. You can of course determine the interval(s) as you like. I have a sports watch, so I made it send the notification to my watch as well, which means I won't miss it.

Because of the semi-randomness of it I forget that it's running so I don't really feel in "standby"-mode. When it triggers I will drop what I'm doing and do the chore it says until the timer goes off. If it says "clean kitchen", I will clean the kitchen (you can make the prompts as specific as you like). If the kitchen is already "clean" I will look for some specific thing like making my blender shiny or tidying the refrigerator, whatever haha. If there is really nothing to do in the kitchen I will try to look for something else that needs to be done. Usually there is something. The important part is that I keep this sacred, that this is a time where "I'm doing something" even if I spend all that time looking for something that needs to be done. If the timer goes off while I'm in the middle of something, I will usually finish what I'm doing, but I know some like to keep it strictly 10 minutes (perhaps during depression) and that's fine too.

Of course, if it triggers and I'm in the middle of something important I will pause the timer, finish what I'm doing and then do the chore. This is usually fine. If you feel like you get too few or too many chores during a day you can just fine-tune the interval.

I have been considering expanding this to some other stuff like light exercise (push ups), etc., and I also made one I use for work (it will trigger a 30 min unit).

The idea is to create an anchor for when to do something, and I've found that routine doesn't really work for me. I really need some chaos to make it feel more novel and urgent. I mark how many chores I did in my journal.

Anyways, if this sounds like something useful to you I would be glad to share.