If you get a life-changing opportunity to work in another country in your late 30s, would you move?
If you get a life-changing opportunity to work in another country, and you're in your late 30s, would you make the move?
Here's my situation.
I'm married for a decade and living in a country where I wasn't a native. Honestly, it's been such a long time that it's hard to summarize. My marriage has felt like it's been me trying to build alone, with my husband mostly checked out. His career was always a priority, so there was always a lot of neglect.
Over the years, I went through trying to show him how nice it'd be if we spend time together, to crying and begging to spend time together, to getting an autoimmune condition, and ultimately checking out and building my own career. That worked well for a while until I hit the ceiling of how far I can go in this country.
Burnout, depression, autoimmune inflammation, and total collapse came for me last year and I ended up leaving my senior role.
I thought maybe I could work part-time on my own business and make an intentional pause. But as I stayed home, I saw that my husband stopped helping out, leaving everything on my shoulders. I couldn't recover and I keep relapsing into burnout.
On top of that, I'm running out of cashflow, and though he promised to help, he went now says he has no money. He earns in the top 5%, but because we took a mortgage a few years ago, he says all his money goes toward that.
However, the math isn't mathing since he refuses to cut back on expenses. The only one of us cutting is me. When I bring this up, he says I can always ask him for money. But I don't want to ask for little, little things and always have to negotiate spending. I'm not a spendthrift person by any means. But I hate asking.
In a moment of desperation, I started applying to jobs in two other cities (in two other countries) where I could see my life working out due to proximity to family and work culture. And one of the offers has almost worked out so now I have to contemplate actually moving.
If I take the offer, I have the opportunity to go far in a very diverse and well-known company. I'll be living closer to my sister. But I'd be moving alone with my dog. The apartment will probably be smaller and the weather colder.
If I don't take the offer, I'll be in the same situation I described above. But I'd be living in a place I co-own. The weather is only slightly better. I'd look for work at a local company and will likely not reach my potential or even get an offer that reflects my experience.
I've moved countries once before and started my life from scratch. And I'm afraid of doing it again. New rules, new language, new culture.
If you were in my situation, what would you do? Would you take the leap? I've been married and living together so long, I'm so afraid of being on my own again. Please share your perspective.