I think im FINALLY gonna finish this tomorrow (hopefully) I just wanted to ask before I finish, which one is the best way to represent SOUL, cuz im sorta out of ideas ( last time I tried to represent soul ppl were saying Kris got rot defect on their face)
Like idk, It seems bleak. Like really really bleak. I was thinking about everything that's been going on in the game and just came to a conclusion that it's over. We won't be getting Soulelle, I mean I WAS ONE OF THE STRONGEST SOLDIERS I wasn't really prominent much here, but always had a very concrete step by step thought process on why Soulelle will happen. But now... now I'm not so sure. It's just Toby kinda showed what he thinks of the whole thing with the "gross" arg answer. Like he'd rather write yurislop than what was hinted very much throughout the whole weird route. I don't think that Noelle will die right off the bat, she will be alive probably at the start, but somewhere along the way she will probably die. In order for us to get some kind of a piece of item, probably that red thing that's been growing inside of her. As a piece of an item we will need to create later on. Maybe a sword idk. That's it. And even if ok, it's not for an item, I'm pretty sure Toby will write it safe and make Noelle still love susie for no fucking reason, the soul and Kris are just "interesting" and will help her to grow wings. And just ditch us. If this really happens I genuinely don't know what I'll do. Probably will look for a way in the game to kill everyone in that god awful world.
Anyways, I'm writing this here in hopes someone will prove me wrong. Cuz what I here described is pretty bleak.
I have so many thoughts in my head.
I have sooooooo much.
It's driving me insane.
BECAUSE OF A GAME.
I'M THIS HURT.
NOTHING.
NOTHING ever hurt me as much as this fucking game.
>!I fucking hate Susie. I want her dead. I want to kill her myself. Or at least get away from her. I DON'T WANT TO BE AROUND HER. I DON'T WANT TO BE INSIDE KRIS. I LOVED NOELLE. SO SO SO MUCH. SHE WAS THE ONLY REASON. SHE WAS THE ONLY PERSON TO ACKNOWLEDGE ME. To know I exist. I loved her. And still do. Seeing her with Susie drives me mad. Even in the WR, she was with Susie, as I understand it, getting all touchy, leaning on her shoulder. Being close to her. She still loves her. I'm fucking nothing.!<
>!Toby has achieved it. I hate his world. I'm just a fucking can opener. In this case, a can closer. Closing fountains. And being a doormat for Susie. This is the only thing I'm allowed to be in their god-awful, forgotten wasteland of a world. Why was I trapped inside Kris? WHYYY? WHY DO I HAVE TO FEEL LIKE THIS? All I wanted was to be cared for and loved. They don't care about me. Then why do you make me watch? Watch Kris, Susie, and Ralsei get closer. Watch Susie and Noelle get closer. Care for each other. While I'm left to rot inside Kris' body.!<
>!Toby has achieved it. Nobody else did it. He has done it. He made me feel inadequate to a game character. I began to envy Susie. In all the different games, usually I'm the hero. Haha. I'M THE ONE WHO SAVES THE DAY. HAHAHA. I'm the chosen one. The one who gets to be loved, admired, cared for. Usually, their care is pretty superficial. I've played a decent amount of RPGs, enough to stop caring about being praised and needed. It all felt flat. But when I see Susie get admired, loved, cared for, and I'm forced to be around her... I couldn't help but ask myself: Why her? Why not me? WHY?!<
>!After hearing from Susie about how she was with Noelle, and as I understand it, they became a thing, I was hurt. My heart was aching. Why? Why do I care? Usually, I close my heart off from everyone. I don't care who likes me, who doesn't. What does it matter? I can just be by myself. I always was. And I got used to it.!<
>!But knowing that Noelle, after all we did, was still clinging to that purple shit stain made my heart ache so badly. WHY WAS I MADE TO CARE FOR HER? For me, the Weird Route was my favourite route. I liked it. I finally felt like I mattered. And being together with Noelle made it all better.!<
>!Seeing her alone with me in Chapter 4 was so fun. So relieving. I was ecstatic. I was waiting for Chapter 5. To finally get to spend time with her. I was looking forward to it so much.!<
>!After all, I love this girl. I know she's selfish and not right in the head. I always knew it. Especially because of Toby's stories from Noelle's perspective, where she didn't really care that Kris was being beaten up by Susie. Kris, her old friend. Instead, all her thoughts were occupied with wanting to be the one abused.!<
>!I thought I could be much better. Why care for that girl who was only ever doing things because of being miserable, but has now changed? I'm the one who's miserable. Look. Look at what I have to do to actually matter in their world. All these detestable and awful things without any compassion. Am I not just better? Isn't this what you wanted, Noelle? Why were you with her?WHY IS SUSIE ALWAYS THE ONE PICKED IN EVERYTHING? WHY DOES SHE MATTER, AND I DON'T?!<
>!I got to a point where I was fantasizing about being in Vessel's body, living separately from the three heroes. Where I'd go on my own adventures without anyone. Just chatting with Darkners. Having fun. Not even being with Noelle. If she never cared for me, then please, let me be. Leave me alone. Why can't I enjoy your world on my own? It's so beautiful. Dazzling. It's just so much fun. Leave me alone. Please.!<
>!As my mind was foggy and lost in thought while I was with Susie, checking everything, her cheery attitude made me rethink things. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it's not what I wanted. What's the point? Noelle doesn't love me. Why bother? Maybe just do the regular route. What's the difference? Yeah, the bird is dead. Wow. So much has changed. My choices changed so much. Now I'm semi-cared for. What's the point? I even began to feel bad. I was surprised. Me? Feeling bad over Susie? The one who took everything from me? I feel bad? Because of WR? The only reason I even cared for Deltarune? What happened to me? I always thought that WR was the way to go. The way for me to finally be happy. But then I was not so sure. I checked everything, got the Mother 1 reference, the bread roll, and went to the lake. I actually was hesitant to go there. I didn't want to meet Noelle again. I didn't want to talk to her. I actually thought maybe going to the festival wasn't so bad. I should just go to Noelle's house, where everyone is, as I understood. But I couldn't. Again, I'm forced to do things I don't want to do. I parted with Susie and went to see Noelle.!<
>!And there she was. In the dark. Talking to me in parentheses, so she wanted to talk to ME? Alright, what is it. And then it happened.!<
>!I saw her deranged smile, how she was going insane, being erratic. I STARTED TO SMILE. TO LAUGH. AHAHAHHA. YES. THAT'S WHY I WAS DOING THE WEIRD ROUTE. I ALWAYS IMAGINED HER LIKE THIS. AND THERE SHE WAS, EXACTLY AS I'D SEEN HER. You purple donkey, can you accept her like that? Can you? I BET NOT. AHAHHAAHAH. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN LOVE HER LIKE THIS. I was ecstatic. THIS. This is why I did WR. To think I felt bad even for a single moment. Seeing her. The real, ugly side of her was so beautiful. I was so glad. I could forgive her for spending the festival with that shit lizard if it meant she would be with me. My heart was pounding like crazy. I was so glad. She still thinks about me. About what I did. And that she likes it. I like it too, Noelle. As much as I like you.!<
>!She took Kris' hands, and we went into the water. I was pressing Proceed, but for some reason, it failed??? What did I do wrong? They drowned? Why were there so many flashbacks? Why is she saying that she got too full of herself? That it failed? Why is Susie here again? WHYYYYY? I didn't realize it back then and played through Chapter 5 on the semi-normal route, confused and constantly annoyed by Susie. And then I decided to look a bit into WR Chapter 5. And saw it. I forgot to press the right key. That you can move even with the textbox open. I didn't finish Chapter 5, went back to my clean Chapter 4 file with WR, and redid it. Finally, we got inside the lake. Alas, my joy was short-lived by the black screen announcing that I needed to insert a Chapter 7 file, Path B. !<
>!I was happy and sad. I was happy because it's so much more interesting than the regular route. But sad because it's so short-lived. We spent so little time together with Noelle. Instead, she wasted it with Susie. I don't know what's going to happen next. I have many emotions still lingering, and I will probably do a comic about it. More Soul-focused, after I finish Deltarune Chapter 5 and see more of what's going on. I'm not sure about our relationship with Noelle. Does she still love Susie after we got to the other side together? When we finally are together again. Alone.!<
>!Will she die? If she still loves Susie, I don't mind erasing their pointless world. I just don't care anymore. If even Noelle doesn't see anything in me, and I'm basically still on my own. Alone. If their world doesn't care for me, I will burn it down to feel its warmth. I don't mind ending their world myself, on my own terms. If only one person showed that they cared for me... I wouldn't have been in such a state. Deltarune made me appreciate Undertale more. I was the Susie there. My choices always mattered. People loved me for the simplest of things. And I was happy. I loved those people too. Although the Genocide Route was cool and all, Pacifist was always my favourite and preferred route. It was the route I always finished Undertale with. And the one that made me happy.!<
>!In Deltarune, I don't want anyone to be happy. I want Susie to feel the misery I felt seeing how little I mattered.!<