u/curiouspotato__

So I've thought about it and I really like reading heavy angst at night, the kind of angst that pulls at my insecurities and makes me cry. Like one hour ago I was sleepless and on vc with my friend so I did a full face makeup, took photos, posted some shit on Instagram and we ended the call, I was happy and sleepy, now it's almost 3am and I'm crying because I searched up angst fics and read the ones that really hit me bad, the kinda fics that make my chest ache, what kind of behaviour is this like why do I willingly read something that I know is gonna hurt me and keep on reading it until I'm sobbing, is it kind of emotional self harm or I'm just trying to get rid of my negative emotions all at once idk

So I had the surgery on Thursday, I was able to walk on the same day, even got up with the support of these bedside handles by myself, and I was told that after I'm off the pain meds in my iv I'll be in much more pain (told by my brother not a healthcare professional) idk if he was trying to scare me or just related my surgery to his but he has a different and more serious surgery than me. And now I feel very minimal pain, I took one oral pain med yesterday night and other than when I'm getting up from bed or chairs I don't feel pain so I just keep expecting like when will the pain come. I did have the gas pain on my shoulder after surgery but that is gone too and I can do pretty much everything by myself right now.

As the title says, I've not gotten any attacks, my stones were discovered in a routine checkup, my report was multiple polyps with the biggest one 12mm, and my doctors have ofcourse told me to avoid fat, buttt can I eat some of my cravings before the surgery happens, because ik I'll not be able to eat high fat food for months after surgery probably. Will it worsen something, cause an attack etc if I eat a little bit unhealthy rn? And no I can't ask my doctor about this, I'll get scolded to hell by my family if I even mention smthing like this. Plz help.