The only birthday I remember being genuinely happy at was my 13th birthday…but every birthday before and after has been I would like to celebrate, yes even my 21st was a let down…and today…at age 49… this is the 48th reason I don’t like to celebrate birthdays…
I am just so unbearable sad right now…I just want to disappear…
So I have been recently working on myself…trying to break old people pleasing habits and learn not to shrink myself as much. I recently has an AP that I had cut ties with without actually cutting them. I cut my warmth off bc he wasn’t showing up the way he used to. Anyway, I met him bc he is part of the swinger lifestyle my husband are in and hubby set up our only meet. He lives 2 hours away from me. But we hit it off personality wise and continued to text A LOT after that meet. Things were said and taken out of context and it made things weird and I don’t chase like that anymore.
Now to the point, sorry, I can get windy. Hubby and I went to a swinger weekend and had a great time with some great pics. But everyone in my everyday life are vanilla and I can’t share it with anyone. But I could with him. I miss our connection more than I care to admit. During our last interaction I was so cold in my reply greeting that he never responded and I haven’t heard from him since…that was a week ago today…
I want to text him the pictures and tell him all about it bc I know he would love it. But I also know that if I do text him and crack the door back open it will probably only end in hurt again.
48F and I am one of two females that work for the company I work for and we are not a forward facing customer office so I have very little outside contact with men. My husband also works for the same company but in a different building. I joined a couple sites and I’m having a hard time finding someone local. Or someone that says something other than “send nudes” Any suggestions?