u/cyralone

I've had my first "fight" with a friend (as a young adult). It's pretty complex, and I guess I am here for advice/insights on what's going on?

Here is the context: three years ago I made 2 friends at university (let's call them Sara and Emie). I first became friends with Emie, who introduced me to Sara. I sort of noticed (I guess) that I became the "favorite friend" for both of them, but that was neither explicit nor a problem. Things were great, we frequently reunited to play board games or to go to the museum. Only, last year I had to take a break from university while both Sara and Emie had an intensive year of preparation to obtain an academic title. There starts the mess.

For practical reasons, Emie chose another workmate with whom to share the workload. Sara did not understand this choice and instead of talking it out started to build resentment and eventually checked out of the friendship. Emie did not know what was going on with Sara, though she felt her drifting apart. As I did not want to be stuck in the middle (they both confided to me) I tried to prompt them to talk to one another. Well, they both were too proud to talk, but acted as friends before me. And I was fooled.

About a month ago, Sara called to tell me that she didn't want to go on vacations with Emie. (At this point we had been planning vacations for the three of us for several weeks, without any clear date or destination yet). I was shocked and disappointed, but Sara explained that she and Emie had been drifting apart for a long time now.

The following day or so, Emie called and complained about how Sara did not answer the messages about the vacations on the group chat. And this is how I found out that:

a) Sara did not tell Emie that the common vacation was cancelled

b) Sara had been pretty consistently ignoring Emie over the last weeks

I made the choice to tell Emie that Sara did not want to go on vacations with her. (Maybe I could have left out a part of the truth to protect Emie's feelings and just said that she had to cancel vacations, but I believed that she had the right to know the whole of it and that I had to talk.) Emie, who was already dealing with family problems, was deeply affected.

I then started planning vacations with Emie, who was very depressed and surrounded with terrible people (her family). I needed to get her out of there.

However, after several days of her telling me that although she really needed these vacations they seemed difficult to make come true, I started to assume that she just didn't want to say no. (I usually make a rule not to "read people's mind" but the whole context unfortunately pushed me to do so.)

Indeed, parallel to this I had learnt that my grandmother would be alone for a week in jully and needed help. I made a quick decision to ask Sara to come with me at my grandma's house and Sara was immediatly in.

The very same day, only a few hours later, Emie told me at last that she could come on vacation with me. Oh I felt so dumb. Of course I told her the whole situation that had led me to believe that she wouldn't be able to come, and that I needed to act quick for my grandma.

She sent me some very fear and guilt-inducing texts (that I was her last hope and that I had abandoned her). She is currently safe and away from her family, but that was very scary. Otherwise, I understand her sentiment. Apparently I had misread one of her messages, which made it clearer that she was trying hard to get free of her previous engagements with her mom, even risking her anger (reminder: her mom is an awful person).

Though I couldn't change what was done, I felt terribly sorry and told her so. That was 5 days ago and I have been on silent treatment eversince.

Right now, I am still very worried for her and can't help but feel guilty. But also, silent treatment is a crossed boundary for me. I am also disappointed in both of my friends for their way to handle conflict.

I don't know what to think of all this. I feel quite lost as I am not the type to fight with my friends. I want to do what's right but it also feels like I have no actions left

What's the right thing to do? Am I losing a friend?

PS: excuse my english, it's not my mother tongue

Edit for additional context & update:

1. inviting Emie to grandma's feels complicated. Emie stated earlier that after learning about Sara she wouldn't want to go on vacation with her either.
2. I told Sara that I was not okay with her way of treating Emie and that I didn't like her leaving me to tell Emie about the vacations. She apologized to me and sent a message to Emie for a long overdue explanation. Emie seems to be ignoring her as well.
3. Emie knew my views on silent treatment. I sent her a message in the morning, asking her to stop ignoring me and that it was hurting me. Now I think I can say that she is being intentionally cruel. Again, I can see her perspective and own my mistakes and be compassionate but this is not ok