Perfect homebirth followed by near death experience - how to reconcile?
TW: massive pp hemorrhage
Posting to process 2 very opposite experiences that happened back to back with a community who understands, and hopefully there are some mamas who have had similar experiences. Buckle up this will be long and thank you for reading.
About a week ago I gave birth to baby #2, she was born at home, in the water, with big brother cheering us on and the room was only filled with love and trust and so much joy.
With baby #1 I planned a homebirth but ended up giving birth at the hospital due to non-reassuring heart tones and lack of variability. My same midwives & doula stayed with me and I still had a pretty amazing spontaneous unmedicated vaginal birth with most of my “birth wishes” intact. I did have a partially retained placenta and a pp hemorrhage (1300ml) that didn’t require a transfusion.
This time around we were all very prepared for the likelihood of placenta issues/bleeding recurring and we made plans in case it would. I live 6 mins from the hospital and agreed to do active management (shot of Pit) and knew my midwives would be very conservative about blood loss. I kept my iron levels sky high. We went into it confident that it wouldn’t reoccur but knew it’d be swiftly handled if it did.
At 41+1 around 8pm I saw my mucus plug and bloody show and thought FINALLY. By 9:30pm I was definitely in labor, having contractions I couldn’t ignore that were manageable with breathing. I put on my headphones and TENS unit around 10pm and swayed on the birth ball and did all 4s on the couch singing and dancing along the way. My husband set up the birth tub and my 2 midwives and doula arrived around 11pm, by then my surges were lasting 1 minute coming every 3 minutes.
I was so grateful to not have back labor (with my OP son it was relentless) Every time the intensity ramped up I felt my body release a perfect explosion of hormones to help me cope with the sensations. My lips fluttered and my body vibrated. I felt myself opening and I let myself go with it. I let my voice carry me through.
Around midnight I got into the birth tub and soon after, needed my husband to get in too, so he could do counter pressure hip squeezes during every surge. Between contractions I laughed, drank homemade watermelon hibiscus electrolyte tonic and kept telling my midwives that this was the birth of my dreams.
When I entered transition, I felt the fear wash over me and let it move my baby down til the sensation was at my tailbone. It was so intense I didn’t think I could keep going much longer, but I also knew I would.
My 2.5yo woke up on his own, and joined us with a very cheerful spirit. He was well prepared and knew exactly what this all meant - mama was in labor and his baby sister was coming!
As soon as he joined us I realized transition had come and gone. All of a sudden I felt my body shift into the 2nd stage of labor. A huge contraction ravaged through me and I felt her descend lower and move past my tailbone. There were 5 more surges left until I’d meet my baby and each one pushed me past where I thought I could go.
I had felt the involuntary urge to push with my son, but this was my first time experiencing the Fetal Ejection Reflex. When I was almost crowning I turned to face my husband, wrapped my arms around him with my head on his shoulder and rocked my hips and waited.
As soon as the next surge started I heard “head born” and then I reached down and caught her underwater and brought her to my chest. I looked up and everyone was smiling and I felt so loved and trusted. I looked down and there she was, my dream girl, another rainbow baby🌈, born at 2am - 4.5 hours of labor
Unfortunately, my placenta never came and my bleeding was active and heavy. Meds and manual removal attempts failed. My midwives didn’t mess around and I was in an ambulance within 30 minutes, baby left at home with papa and a freezer of colostrum. Things deteriorated rapidly at the hospital. I ended up losing 4 liters of blood, required a massive blood transfusion, went into hemmoragic shock, and had to go under GA in the OR so my placenta could be removed by D&C. Then I was in the ICU (but stable) and was separated from my baby for 16 hours.
I’m home now and I’m completely fine. It’s almost like it never happened. My recovery has somehow been way easier than my first. It’s so hard to process both of these experiences back to back, and I don’t want to share the 2nd half with anyone because I don’t want it to overshadow the most beautiful experience of my life.
Thanks for reading.