r/homebirth

FTMs, please skip this one! This is not a positive post but I had the outcome I tried for!

I tried for a home birth with my first but transferred to a hospital and was super disappointed. With my second I wanted to try again. I did all the things to prepare and focused so much on baby positioning.

Labor went quickly and really didn’t have any stalls or anything. We did have a few complications. My girls heart rate was dropping when I was in the birth tub so I had to get out and change positions in bed. Her cord was wrapped around her neck and may have been compressed so the midwife unwrapped it while she was still inside me. I got her out and she was blue and didn’t attempt to breathe. But after stimulation and oxygen, she came to. EMS was called but canceled because she came to fairly quickly and pinked up real good. Then I had some bleeding behind the placenta and it didn’t really want to come out after 25 minutes of waiting. So they gave me a tincture because they were concerned of me hemorrhaging behind the placenta. After a bit more they gave me a shot of pitocin but the placenta plopped right out like 2 seconds after the pitocin was given so it was okay. All of this was done with my consent and understanding and I feel fine with it.

My problem is not that this was all traumatic, it’s not hitting me as emotionally traumatic. I’ve seen this midwife deliver babies not breathing and limp and get them up and running before (labor doula). I wasn’t scared she wouldn’t make it. Maybe I was also in so much pain I couldn’t feel fear at that point?

Here’s my big issue. I didn’t feel any rush of endorphins. I didn’t feel the urge to cry, no relief of pain, no feelings of pride or I just did that. Just the pain. No feelings of ephyroia or extrmee happiness or love. I felt extreme overwhelming love with my first with an epidural in the hospital. This time I was expecting the best high of my life, or at least extreme happiness and love. But nothing. It made me really disappointed and almost like mourning the traumatic event my body was enduring (not my mind, but the pain). And when I breastfeed I experience D-MER. I did with my first too but didnt know what it was. I remember it still happening like a year into breastfeeding. It got better but it lasted a long time

I’m 3 days postpartum and I know I’m experiencing a huge hormonal shift but so far most of my hormones have been bad… Not loving and bonding but feelings of hopelessness and dread. I have started to feel the bonding with my baby and wanting to snuggle her and kiss her head, which I didn’t feel after birth. I didn’t have an urge to kiss her head until the next day. I guess my question is what the f? Why does it feel like my body betrayed me or that I put it through a traumatic event and not an overwhelming love when last time I got that love feeling?

Side note: I have battled depression and panic attacks years ago and have spent a long time getting better. I was in the best mental space of my life the last few years and am now feeling like I did at my lowest. Also are my wires crossed? Sometimes when I’m feeling sexy or hot I get a sudden dread and feel the complete need to cover up everything and hide in a corner. When nursing I feel dread. After childbirth I felt dread. What the heck is wrong with me and how do I fix it???

35 weeks today. I’m increasingly uncomfortable but not ready for pregnancy to end. I am so worried about being unprepared. I didn’t really start nesting until yesterday…we have no family closer than 6 hours away and my mother is deceased. I’m not close with my in-laws at all and my MIL is very disabled so wouldn’t be able to help anyway.

I plan/hope to EBF but know I should prep bottles. I have washed only two loads of baby clothes…haven’t even begun to wash the blankets let alone bottles and pump parts.

We plan to bedshare but haven’t put the rail up. I just feel like time is running out and nothing is going to get done. I’m really afraid of becoming a mother and my husband is afraid of becoming a father. We only got married in October and that was after about 2 years of dating. This has been a huge leap of faith for us.

Freezer meals? Not happening lol. Fortunately we have a very caring church community who will support us with a meal train.

Midwife is coming on Tuesday for the home visit to make sure everything looks good.

I think I just need to hear that it’s going to be okay, somehow.

I am a FTM and we are planning a homebirth, baby's due is about a month away and we want to be prepared.

I am planning to labor in our living room/foyer, as it is spacious and the area of the house I am most comfortable in. We will be renting a birthing pool kit with a floor tarp from my midwife and have a big bean bag chair we will be covering with waterproof mattress protector (as suggested by our dould), where I am planning to deliver placenta.

I know bleeding and gushing of sorts can happen all throughout labor and I will definitely need plenty of towels. I plan to be moving around a lot during labor, so I am wondering if I should plan to cover couch, and floors as well? If so, with what? Plastic paint sheets? Plastic tablecloths? Towels?

We have hardwood floors so I dont need to worry so much about blood staining carpet, but should I pick up all of the area rugs?

At the birth we will have a doula as well as the midwife and assistant so I am assuming someone will be able to help us clean up. We dont have a lot of old towels, is it ok to just use the towels we do have? Or will they be ruined? Should I buy some cheap/used towels specifically to be old towels?

With this being my first, I really dont know how much of a mess to expect and dont have anyone close to me that has ever done a home birth.

Was anyone born at home and knew that’s what you wanted when it came time to have your own children?

This is my first pregnancy. My EDD is based off my LMP of course but I but only had sex with fiancé after my last period and I’m 100% positive I didn’t conceive until at least 2 weeks after my period. I heard it’s common for FTM to be pregnant for longer, so wouldn’t it be still healthy if my baby didn’t actually come until 42-43 weeks after EDD since they calculated it earlier than my actual conception?

Do you know when you conceived and what time frame of when you delivered your baby vs EDD?

Would love positive stories of major change of plans.

I've been planning a home birth with my midwife team this whole pregnancy, they've been incredibly supportive in spite of me having an additional risk factor (diabetes- very well managed)

I'm 38+3 and have been in prodromal labor for 9 days now.
The high risk team at the hospital want me to induce at 39, I've said unless baby is in distress I'm waiting till 40 (no known additional risk with well managed diabetes as baby hasn't really seen any additional glucose) but with the prodromal labor and reading stories of women who had PL for weeks I'm trying to accept that I might have to change my plans.

Would love to hear positive stories of unmedicated induction or just having to birth in the hospital when that wasn't the plan- especially if you had a fear of hospitals before birth, because I have an irrational fear of them lol
I've envisioned giving birth at home literally my whole life, so this is such a hard thing to accept but obviously I'll do what's best for baby and I.

I am of course doing everything to encourage labor to progress, walking, red raspberry tea, sex, pumping, considering castor oil but not sure because the evidence of uterine hyperstimulation is a bit spooky as I had that with my MC and it was hell.
Might try evening primrose oil tonight and see if that helps.

38 weeks tomorrow. My ultrasound yesterday estimated baby to be about 7pds 7oz.

I went to 41w4d with my first daughter (almost exactly 4 years ago, her bday is 7/7) and she weighed 7pds 14oz.

All the numbers!

My hunger was insatiable yesterday.

I got 8hrs or more of sleep last night and yet I cannot get up for anything. I mean I cannot even describe this unusual kind of tired i feel today.

Im going through literal torment more and more, bc my Mental is like a hummingbird wanting to go 2000mph, and my Physical is feeling more like concrete than sludge every day.

It's my favorite holiday, fireworks tonight and tomorrow, and the best I can do is try to make some walking tacos (with help) and sit in the car with snacks for fireworks, Im hoping.

My RBC/hemoglobin was a bit on the low side. Anemia has always been a well known and very prevalent thing on my maternal line. A midwife I met with yesterday noticed that my thyroid levels are way off - which could explain SO MUCH. My mom had thyroid cancer, and I've dealt with mold illness in aspergillus/penicillium, which im living in again...my grandma was allergic to penicillin, and those are related obviously, and I have confirmed the MTHFR gene.

I feel like im just rambling at this point but - I just want to give all the details I can so that you all can tell me that this baby is about to fly out of me any second because I haven't even been able to stand for more than a minute or so for weeks without feeling like my legs are going to buckle.

I know my body is supporting her, so Im run down, but after yesterdays anatomy scan I feel like she is big enough and strong enough that she can come earthside any minute now and we would both be healthy and supported much better that way at this point. She has lots of hiccups and I watched her practice breathing on the scan and I do have backup if I need to go that way...

Sorry this is all jumbled, so exhausted

TL;DR Im tired and this baby at 38 weeks may be almost as big as my daughter was at birth at almost 42 weeks. Seeking manifestations/prayers/optimism that she flies out of me safely like, tomorrow.

Hello, I found out I was positive way back March pa after sex namin ng partner ko mga days later nag pt nako agad then positive. It was 2nd week ng March so nag hanap agad ako ng Abortion pills and bought a set from tktok seller.

Due to heptic schedule nainom ko yung meds mga april 3rd week na.

Its a set of

6miso
6mife
4medione

Worth 4k+ With a long procedure

Fasting 15hrs
7 hrs medicine procedure then need to push the baby out

I had bleeding and crampings but after 2 weeks of checking. Its failed

So I bought again a higher dose, same seller same procedure and again FAILED!

Sayang pera, sayang panahon at pagod.
Totally not worth it. Then I found out reddit, safe2choose, fredlis and ms L.

This time 16 weeks na ako. I did an ultrasound para makapag buy again ng meds pero yung mga legit seller until 13 weeks lang ang inaaccept nila. Mine was 16 na, some suggest to do SA.

Im desperate, I inquire..

Then I found out Ms L from reddit friend na tumatanggap sya until 18weeks then someone posted her journey with Ms. L and she was 18 weeks and successful. So I gave it a shot.

For context I am 18 weeks at this time.

June 23: ordered meds to Ms. L via LBC courier.

June 25: Notified by Lbc meds has arrived.

June 26: Got the meds

June 27: Saturday

(4-2-2-2-2-2-2) method

First dose of mife:
1:25pm 4mife intake with water

No cramps, no bleeding and chills at all

Wait for 72 hours

June 30: Tuesday

12:45pm 400mg ibuprofen

1:25pm 2 miso under the tongue
- slight chills no cramps

4:25 2 miso under the tongue
- slight chills and cramps

7:25 2 miso under the tongue
- slight chills, cramps medyo mas masakit tong cramps nato kesa sa nauna but tolerable

Still doing my usual things
Eat drink and clean the house
No bleeding yet
Told that I can swallow my saliva enough para lang hindi mafull mouth ko. But im trying to hold the medicine as much as I can.

What bothers me are the meds under my tongue, medyo masakit sya pag tumatagal.

8:20 bleeding

9:20 watery vowel with chills and cramps

10:25pm 2 miso under the tongue

Heavy cramps, chills

July 1 Wednesday

1:25am 2 miso under the tongue

Intense cramping like hell! Like nag lalabor. Chills and hilo.

Around 3:00 sumuka, yes sumuka po ako and I freak out kasi baka di na tumalab ang meds since nagsuka ako ng pag kadami dami. But it relieved me somehow, gumaan feeling ko. Nabawasan pag kahilo.

Around 3:30-4:00

Super sakit na cramps na may gustong lumabas so umire ako and push my tummy para bumaba si baby, sumabog yung panubigan kasabay ng paglabas ng baby.

Baby came out but placenta remains inside

And here’s my mistake, I tried to pull the cord to help placenta out but it cut out.

Note: WAG NA WAG HIHILAIN, HAYAAN LANG DAW NAKAHANG AT KUSANG LALABAS. I SUGGEST IIRE KASABAY NG CONTRACTION. OR MAG SQUAT PARA MAS BUMABA AT LUMABAS.

I put my diaper pads where my baby is in the basin. Then took the last dose of miso

4:25 took the last dose of miso under the tongue

Then naka sleep ako sa sobrang pagod, Hindi ko na nailabas yung remaining placenta, or sac.

10:00am woke up and still the meds are under my tongue

Swallow it with water

Rest the whole day after, nahihilo na lang and nanlalambot.

•did my research on how to remove placenta
reach out some Reddit friends to seek advice
Squat and walking

And worst part, grieving while burying our baby. The gender already seen, he is whole and complete.

Mine was buried in a big pot and I put plants on the top of it so we can see him every time everyday.

BLEEDING but not heavy

July 2 Thursday

It’s been past 24 hours and wala pa din placenta lumalabas. I did squat walk and took primrose to help soften my cervix but still nothing comes out.

3pm: decided to go to hospital
Hospital told me that I need referal fron my ob so I go to my ob and told I had miscarriage

5pm: tvs with my ob

Found out theres a lot of tissues and placenta still inside. I was told to go to hospital to do raspa

7pm: go to different hospital and assisted very well

9pm: inject of anesthesia
10:00pm-12:30am: DnC procedure

Thank God wala akong nafeel sa buong procedure. Right now nasa room na ako for recovery. No bleeding at all na.

July 3:

6am: nag wiwi at nakatayo na

10am: nakapag poop na

So far im good na. Bumaba ang hemoglobin due to lost of bloods during operation so need ko lang mag ferus

5pm: take meds (antibiotic, ferus, and pang pastop ng bleeding ng cervix)

By tomorrow morning pwede nako umuwi .

TO ALL GIRLS OUT THERE, please always used protection to prevent unwanted pregnancy. Because it’s not easy to terminate pregnancy, it will cost you a lot of money, time and effort to get an abortion. Especially in the Philippines it’s illegal. The procedure might kill you as well. And the guilt will haunt you forever.

THANK YOU REDDIT FRIENDS TO ALL THE HELPS AND CONCERNS. For those who need help, dmed me and I am willing to help you out as well.

Our babe was born last week and I wanted to share our home birth story!

This is our third baby. First was an unmedicated hospital birth and second was a precipitous home birth (1hr 10m active labor). With my second, we gave birth at home but transferred to the hospital afterwards to receive additional monitoring and care. It was especially important to us that we took any and all precautions with this third pregnancy so that we could stay home after giving birth (only if it was safe to do so).

At 40+6, I woke up feeling super sad. I still felt physically good most days and I didn’t hit the point of “I hate being pregnant and I’m so uncomfortable”. But I did wake up with a lump in my throat just feeling this longing to meet and hold my baby and sadness that he wasn’t here yet.

I went to my midwife appointment that morning where my midwife confirmed my baby had FINALLY dropped. We also discussed doing a midwife’s induction at home and me reaching out to my OBGYN to schedule an induction for the following week (around 41+5) just in case. When we got home, I realized I had lost my mucus plug and had some bloody show, so I decided to hold off on reaching out to my OB.

We went about our day with no real forward progression. That night for dinner I ate everything in sight (which my husband said he thinks was a sign). Then before bed I lost more of my mucus plug so I insisted on going to sleep early just in case.

At 1:55 AM, I woke up to a strong contraction that I could barely talk through. Over the course of the next hour I dozed between a few big contractions before deciding to get up to go to the bathroom around 3 AM. The second I stood up, contractions started coming on hard, back to back. I also had the shakes, which I hadn’t had in previous labors. I immediately woke my husband and called the midwives and doula.

My husband started prepping the birth pool and by 3:20 he was done with all his “to-do’s”. He and I were fully locked in together, moving through each contraction. He read me my birth affirmations and reminded me to breathe.

Around 4 AM, I got into the birth tub and felt a huge sense of relief. My midwife could tell by my body language and noises that I was completely dilated and reminded me I could push whenever I was ready. However, I knew my body wasn’t ready and I knew I wanted to hold on a bit longer in hopes to not tear. So instead of pushing, I focused my attention on staying calm during each contraction and leaning into it, feeling my body open, and fully allowing the pressure instead of working against it. Bearing down occasionally but not pushing too hard. Around 5 AM I felt that my body was really ready for me to push. My water broke finally broke and I could feel baby’s head. With a few intense pushes, his head was born.

With the next contraction, his body should have come out easily, but my midwife immediately recognized that this was not happening as smoothly as it should have. She had me flip to my back and helped guide him out. I had a brief soft tissue dystocia that was easily resolved with a change in positions and her help.

Baby was born at 5:22 AM. Those first 30 seconds with him felt like a year, since my daughter did not cry and needed assistance to breathe when she was born. Hearing his cry, I completely lost it. Pure joy and love!!!

This was by far the most calm and focused and in-tune with my body that I’ve ever been during labor and birth. It was such a gift to feel present with my body and baby after my last birth was precipitous and stressful. In intentionally slowing down and waiting on my body, I birthed a 9 lb 7 oz baby with no tear. Our baby’s birth felt like such a reflection of who we have learned he is so far — calm, steady, and gentle. He is perfect!

I expel the baby but the placenta didn’t got out. Its been 14 hours na 😭

Hi everyone I got induced with my first pregnancy and want to have a natural at home birth with my next.

I got induced simply because I was 10 days past my due date. My birth was natural and healthy but lasted 15 hours.

My baby was 9 lbs and 2 oz when she came out, but was measuring small my whole pregnancy. The doctor said when I went in to get induced that my cervix was very thick and not ripe at all. And that I was barely dilated (not much at all)!

My baby was monitoring very healthy all through my pregnancy including the last days. My doctor also told me that my placenta was calcified but the baby did not seem to mind.

I also tried taking “midwives brew” (castor oil) before my induction but it did not work! I had contractions but they ended up going away.

I’m wondering if I should have waited and let my body go into labor spontaneously. But I was worried there was risks of still birth going past 42 weeks and other complications like baby being too big.

Does anyone have experience in this? I felt like my body wasn’t capable of having a natural birth and that induction was necessary. Can anyone give insight on their natural birth experience or body not going into labor before 42 weeks.

I had my second home birth on Sunday - blissfully uneventful. My first at 41 came surprisingly fast (5 hour active labor, 3 pushes) and my midwives arrived ten minutes after he was born. This time around I was 41+1, active labor about 7.5 hours, everyone in place. The first time I would say I experienced fetal ejection reflex, only a slight push like pooping during his contraction and his head was out. This time I had about 2 very painful contractions in a row. Midwife said I could push and I bore down HARD while yelling a primal scream. Followed through and head came out. Waited for another contraction to do the same with body and he kind of somersaulted out on the bed.

Last time I wanted a tub and ended up laboring in our yoga room, baby born on a yoga mat. The walk to the bedroom was awful. This time I stayed on my bed with a peanut ball (incontinence pad to protect mattress) and all I had to do was turn around to start recovery.

First time I tore and needed stitches, this time no stitches (but bad hemorrhoids, took about a day of witch hazel to subside). So much easier to stand and walk after. Other than the uterus cramping from shrinking/breastfeeding, I hardly feel like I gave birth.

Last time breastfeeding was an ordeal and I got mastitis pretty much right away- I was taking too many supplements and teas. Baby spitting up like crazy. This time I didn’t take anything and with my many hours of experience, has so far been a breeze for baby and me.

Overall - I feel like I won the birth lottery a second time. I didn’t do that much to prepare but miles circuit last few days helped him shift into the left position.

I’m not currently pregnant, but husband and I do want more kids down the line, our next delivery we are hoping so bad for a homebirth as our previous 3 deliveries in the hospital have been awful, ill informed, neglectful, and outright traumatic.

I’ve been induced all 3 times due to gestational hypertension. I’ve been on a medication known to trigger high bp all 3 times and was never told it was a cause. I had pretty good readings at home when I took it. Nothing above 140 like I would in the doctors office.

I’m wondering if the history of recurrent gestational hypertension absolutely excludes me from having a homebirth ever???

I had a homebirth and my doula took a ton of pictures for me. I really want to get them printed, but I don’t know where to print them, I don’t really want some teenager getting ahold of them. lol. But I really want to be able to print them to have for memories. What did you guys do?

Hi everyone! I'm a product management student researching how first-time mothers prepare for their hospital stay. I'd really appreciate your perspective as a midwife.Thank you for taking a few minutes to answer these questions!

1. Do first-time mothers commonly ask questions about what to pack for the hospital?
2. What are the most common concerns or misconceptions you hear about preparing for labor and delivery?
3. In your experience, what do first-time mothers tend to overpack or bring unnecessarily?
4. Do you find that mothers are often unsure about what the hospital provides versus what they need to bring themselves?
5. What resources do you currently recommend to help mothers prepare?
6. If there were a hospital-specific tool that generated a personalized packing checklist and clearly explained what the hospital provides versus what mothers should bring, would you recommend it to your patients? Why or why not?
7. If you could improve one part of how first-time mothers prepare for their hospital stay, what would it be?

Hi everyone! Looking to see if anyone has some experiences with hemorrhaging during home birth and possible cause being a bleeding disorder.

I am VERY early pregnancy with my first and I’ve always loved the idea of a home birth. However for the last few years I’ve struggled with extremely heavy periods, and I take Tranexamic acid to help with clotting during my period, otherwise the bleeding is absolutely unbearable. My doctor mentioned I could possibly have an underlying bleeding disorder, but nothing has been tested or confirmed since the medicine seems to work well for me, it just kind of got left at that (typical US healthcare lol).

I’m anxious about the idea of a home birth now that it’s a real possibility; my fear is that I’ll hemorrhage after birth and basically discover that my heavy bleeding was due to a bleeding disorder that went undiscovered, and I don’t really love the idea of finding that out at home after birth when minutes matter.

I haven’t even had my first OB appointment yet but I’ve already had a hard time getting ahold of them, and I love the idea of having a midwife who’s more accessible and more knowledgeable on natural birth, since if I do go the hospital route I’m going to do everything in my power to avoid interventions and give birth as naturally as possible.

Does anyone have any experiences they can share, advice, or encouragement while I weigh my options and start making this decision?

I was having contractions on and off a week before my boy was born. it was very confusing and draining. He is my third baby so I thought I would know what to expect this time.

One of the falses alarm I said to my husband in the morning I think it will be today. Then all stop and nothing new. I decided to ignore any signs from now on until I couldn’t ignore anymore.

Monday morning I was having endless braxton hicks while moving around. Not painful but very uncomfortable.
Midwife came to check on me that afternoon and suggested a membrane sweep to see if it would help things moving. She said cervix was high and did what she could. I honestly felt a bit hopeless because after all the pains I thought I would be dilated.

It took me long to sleep that evening and I was online searching about the success on membrane sweep and it didn’t have me much hope so I just went to bed. Not long after I started to wake up with a very painful cramp pain like. It was different from my other births. Not that contraction that comes from back to front of belly. Mostly that lower pain. I think it started around 1 or 2 am. By 3 am they were very sore and I started to doubt myself. I had thoughts on going to the hospital and gettting an epidural ( mind you I’m terrified of needles and had two hospital births with no epidural previously and that never crossed my mind). I had to fight against my mind and keep saying to myself I can do this. It was intense. I got some hot water bottle for my back hoping to easy the pain but it didn’t much.
I was breathing through them and even closing my fingers against my hand until my nails would distract me a bit from the pain. I honestly hoped things would stop that morning. My toddler was sleeping in her cot beside me so I was quiet moving around and changing positions.

When my girl woke up I called my husband to get her and said I was having a hard pain. He asked about phoning the midwife already and I wasn’t sure. He did phone her as he saw how I had to concentrate during the pain and that’s what she said would be a sign. She asked me if I thought it was time I said I didn’t know. She said she would get ready and come up to see me. I stayed in bedroom moving around while husband gave the kids their breakfast. I decided to go get some food myself because I had none all night and in my head labour could last hours still. I couldn’t sit down so I was having my cereal while standing and felt a gush, blood, followed by my waters.
Husband phone the midwife to inform my waters had broken and she said she was about 10 minutes away.
At this point I would moan during contractions and husband was asking me questions during them so I shouted at him to stop talking. He asked if I wanted to go back to the bedroom and I decided to go. Walked down there, he had already covered our bed but I just stood beside.

Midwife arrived. She asked me a few questions and I can’t remember much now but I said this is hard. She asked when I had a pee last and suggested to go try as it could help to have an empty bladder. I went to the bathroom but barely sit down had to stand for another contraction, and got the familiar feeling of pushing. I said to her I felt pushing. I walked back to the bedroom and had another contraction. She said I could stay where I was but I decided to go in the bed on all fours. Contractions kept coming. Felt head coming a bit and back. Then again. Then it started to come. As I was roaring and she would remind me to breath through the second midwife phone asking about the location. I remember half of me feeling annoyed hearing the midwife on the phone while I was pushing baby out 🤣 the next head came out and the ring of fire wasn't as bad as my two others.

Midwife called my husband to see the head out. My husband was planning in dressing the two kids and bringing them out for a drive. Well… things were so fast that he came with our 21 month old in his arms, so he saw the baby coming out fast after the head.

I had such an chocked expressing and picked my boy from the bed and hugged him and couldn't believe we did it and he was here. Right in my house, on my bed, my husband was there. Second midwife phones parking about the house as she was close and the midwife said no rush baby is here already.

Husband called our 4 year old to come see the baby soon after and he also asked about the cord and was so happy to see his little tiny brother here.

The best experience ever!

The way I dreamed even though labour was more intense than my other two. It was also faster.

I had breakfast in bed. Had my family around. And my mom just arrived from my home country to the surprise of the baby being just a few hours old.

I have been interviewing midwives for my upcoming birth. I had an appt scheduled and the midwife ended up no-showing and contacted me about 30mins to let me know she was at a birth and that her assistant was supposed to reach out me. I had just gotten back from a 10 hour drive and rushed to be able to make to this appt. But we ended up rescheduling for the following day. She is the most qualified in my area and the closet distance wise, but something was off. Like she was super nice, but idk I just wasn’t 100% feeling it. But I feel like my option are slim and I would want the safest option. I messaged her today. I had another interview 2 days later; and the she advised me not to go with the other lady. She said she didn’t want to bad mouth anyone, but she strongly recommended me not to go to her due to unsafe practices. And this scared me and I canceled the interview.

See convo on picture attached. Do you think I was wrong for asking. I’m going to be a first time mom and am kinda anxious. I’m an only child and didn’t grow around babies. And I will be doing this pregnancy alone due to my husband being on deployment and I’m in state with our family due to a military move and me staying to finish nursing.

So that being said I want to be sure my midwife is reliable and able to have solid communication in the event something happens and I really need her.

Text Conversation; I didn’t realize I couldn’t post pictures 😅

Me:

Can you please provide your informed consent packet, financial contract, and a timeline/calendar sheet.

⸻

Midwife:

Please send me your email. I will send this over to my office assistant so she can get it done at her earliest convenience. I will tell you she’s currently driving across the country so it might be a couple days.

⸻

Me:

Thank you for the update. I completely understand that births are unpredictable and that attending your clients comes first.

I did want to ask about communication moving forward. As a first-time mom considering a home birth, this is a significant financial investment for me, and reliability and communication are very important. Between the missed appointment and the delay in receiving the information packet, I’ve become a little concerned about what communication and availability typically look like within your practice.

If you are attending a birth or otherwise unavailable, what systems are in place to ensure clients can still reach someone in a timely manner?

Thank you for taking the time to clarify.

❤️

⸻

Midwife:

I apologize for my delayed response. I’ve been tied up in appointments all day related to my trip to Afghanistan and am just now getting a chance to reply.

After giving this a lot of thought, I don’t feel it would be fair to accept you into my practice. As of right now, there’s a possibility I’ll be returning to Afghanistan around your due date.

I truly enjoyed meeting you and appreciate the time we spent together. You deserve a provider who can confidently commit to being present for your birth, and I wish you all the best as you continue your search.

TW: previous birth trauma

I feel like my previous birth is SO important to this so I can’t not include it. With my son - now 2 years and 9 months old, my waters had started trickling without any signs of labour or dilation at 40+5 so I was admitted to the hospital to be induced in the morning, but I went into labour on my own during the night. Due to the environment and lack of support, by the time I was 3cm I was demanding an epidural or a c section and I didn’t ever see an epidural as an option for me. I was so against getting one, I don’t understand where those words came into my brain from. I did get one at 5cm, hours later and I’d been blacking out from the pain for a long time by then and gone full exorcist. I then ended up with an episiotomy, vaccum delivery and my son was in special care so I didn’t get golden hour. We had triple antibiotics for days after, I was presenting as septic but I’m not sure if I actually did have an infection or if it was an epidural fever. I think I definitely suffered a lot PP due to this and had some form of PTSD. My son was the most IRRITABLE baby, never stopped screaming for months on end and I had issues with my milk. My husband wanted no more children or for me to have elective c section if we did have any more after this experience (he obviously changed his mind over time for me to have the home birth haha).

This time I chose a different model of care and hired a private midwife - I am in Australia where midwives are highly trained with a degree and my midwife also has a masters, I believe this can vary a bit in other countries. I’ve planned to have a home birth the whole way through my pregnancy but not really thought too much about that. At 38 weeks (a Saturday) had 2 contractions that freaked me the fk out and I spent 5 hours cooking food for the freezer and then thought… how the fuck am I going to deal with birth now that I’m scared for the pain when I didn’t even go into it scared for the pain last time and couldn’t manage. I started FINALLY listening to the hypnobirthing tracks my friend had sent me months and months before but I felt I didnt have time to deal with. By Thursday I met with a doula and hired her (best decision EVER).

Sunday morning 39+1 I had a sensation like my period was coming and mild period cramps. I text my doula to let her know and ask if this could be Labour starting and then we went out all morning to parks and the beach etc with our toddler. It didn’t ramp up in intensity enough to be bothered, but then by the time he had gone to bed I wondered if she would be born in the night. It was the winter solstice that night and I decided in my head that if she was born during the night I would call her Winter, and I became convinced she would be born at 1am. She must have decided that she didn’t want to be called Winter (I’m not sure I would of done this anyway 😂) because she didn’t come, but I was up and down a lot in the night with cramps that came and went and I texted my husband during the night that he was going to have to call daycare and put our toddler in a casual day there for me because I was so tired from it. These mild contractions were the PERFECT time to practice changing my mind set because they weren’t painful enough to need them but just to put those thoughts in place. So when it would start I would think ‘yes, open’ and then as it peaked I would think ‘now it will come down’ and ‘it is not pain it is power and pressure’ and then as it ended I would think ‘yes, I can do another one’. Which sounds incredibly hippy and cringy but IT WORKED!

Monday morning 39+2 my husband woke up at about half 5 and I said the baby was definitely coming today. He called daycare for my toddler when they opened at 06:15 and got him a place but I said to not take him until about 09:30 (I hate him going and he doesn’t really like it, I only have a space for him in the hopes it came in handy during labour). I texted my midwife and doula at the same time saying the baby was coming today but I was fine at the moment. I was listening to my affirmations on repeat in my air pods. At 7am things were ramping up a bit and I heard my toddler screaming about something and something in my brain just snapped and I said ‘he needs to go now’ and off he went. Husband came back, blew up the birth pool, midwife phoned and I continued to just sit on the ball with my affirmations. My doula came around about half 9 and I had the tens machine and birth comb out by this time. She suggested we go to a walk around the streets and at first I said no but then I changed my mind and this was the BEST decision. I was getting in my head a bit and too early on without her, I never put the tens machine back on after this, never used the shower and only used the birth comb when things got pretty intense after that.

We walked around the block about 4 or 5 times just talking in between contractions and then when we came back I wanted to still be outside so we were then in the front garden for quite a while. While we were walking she asked me if I had been weeing and I said yes and that I kept having the urge to just sit on the toilet but it would get a bit uncomfortable so I would stop doing it and she said (so very kindly) it is going to have to get uncomfortable. And I just thought oh yes of course it is and that’s what I want! So I really leaned into the contractions after that. I said I wanted the baby born at 1pm because my toddler could be picked up by 3 then because I felt bad on him being at daycare so early. When my contractions would become further apart, she would give me some clary sage to smell and suggest different positions to help me dilate better. I remember my husband asking when the midwife would come and she said not until I wasn’t very lucid in between, and not long after I heard her say that I was almost there to him. I was completely zoned into it at this point but I feel like it was a choice, I was so aware of everything around me but I thought there’s no way I am snapping out of it this baby needs to be born!

My midwife came I believe around 12ish and she was asking if I’d been in the shower, using the tens etc and my doula said I’d literally not needed anything I was just managing with being held up so I could lean into them. When the pool was being filled up I just said I want to get in that now and I did and I had water poured on my back because it was barely even filled up at this point. I was in it for about an hour before she was born. The pool made the contractions feel SO far apart I was like is this okay??????? It is crazy how much of a difference it made. I had missed my 1pm birth by this point and I remmeber saying well she needs to come before dinner time I want to eat something now. And a big stressor for me for a while had been not wanting my toddler anywhere for too long and especially to not sleep anywhere. So I was like this baby needs to come now.

My back started REALLY aching and my midwife said it would go when the baby was born and I rmemeber thinking I don’t really want to push. But then I thought I guess I have to 🤷🏼‍♀️ and then I thought if it makes my back stop hurting I do want to actually. I did start screaming a bit which I guess was the ‘ring of fire’ but it didn’t even feel like that, I think it was just the shock of the feeling changing. Someone reminded me to breath into it so I started moaning instead and it was fine than. Baby was born in 2 contractions, the crown of her head with her hair waving about was there for about 3 minutes and then she came fully out the next contraction. I don’t even think I pushed I’m pretty sure my body just did it.

Daisy Elizabeth was born at 15:38 pm, the same time as her older brother! 7lb 15, 50cm (also the same length as her brother).

I had 2 grazes and my episiotomy scar opened up to a grade 2 on the surface but my vaginal wall stayed completely in tact so it’s just that the scar tissue re opened. No stitches!

I had a small haemorrhage after and had to have a couple of injections to birth the placenta because of this which I was a bit gutted about but they were able to hold off until the cord had almost stopped pulsing, where last time it was clamped and cut instantly which was quite upsetting. I apparently lost around 500mls of blood but it stayed so calm and nice that I never felt scared and didn’t even really realise until afterwards.

It was honestly so good that I was just in my own bed straight after, a few steps away and I’ve not had to leave this room since. Daisy did yesterday for the first time but really only because she’s looking a little bit jaundiced so we had her out in the garden to get some UV. My midwife has been round every day, my doula brought me the best deli sandwich the next day (I had been saying I wanted one after I gave birth but I didn’t make the 1pm birth I was determined for and it closes at 2pm). The difference this time having no birth trauma, not coming down from drugs, not feeling like I have to be a good little patient is just incredible I swear I will not give birth in a hospital again! My milk has come in so much better than last time too.

I kept waiting for my pain to get horrific and not be able to manage it but it honestly never did. I can’t even say it was painful really just really strong and powerful and I think that’s because I managed to flip my mindset and say strong into it that I leaned into it and wasn’t scared. I honestly never thought I couldn’t do it. I kept thinking well I must not even be 3cm yet because it’s not that bad yet. Where last time I was TERRIFIED when it became stronger and I was taken into a different room with somebody I just met and didn’t have that support I needed. The whole thing start to finish was less painful than that 0-3cm I experienced when I demanded an epidural or c section the first time around.

It was such a chance to hire a doula 3 days before I gave birth but it was honestly the best thing I could have done. She really helped my husband be a good support for me too and by the time it really got going he knew what to do, where last time he was like a deer in headlights.

I also have a full video of her being born which is pretty cool. I haven’t really watched it but I skipped to the bit where she came out just to show my toddler as we had been watching a lot of home birth videos on YouTube incase he was around. I had actually really wanted him there in theory but when it came to it I was like take him away now!!!!! By 7am lol. I think it’s been nice for him too that he just went out one day and then came home to a baby sister, no visiting me in strange places or anything. He came back when the birth pool was still up and was asking me if I wanted to get back in and make some funny noises 😂 He came back about 6pm (he had been picked up by a friend) and was honestly more interested in the Duplos baby sister had got for him at first. He’s very into her now though and likes coming in to give her a hug and tell me how much he likes her.

Sorry this has been SUCH a long post. I started it the other day, saved it as a draft and then couldn’t figure out how to get it back. I literally just found it so I thought I’ll just add onto it and word vomit.

I am also really prioritising rest this time around, the day I got out of hospital last time I walked my dogs for an hour and a half and was vacuuming my house straight away. It’s Friday and the only time I’ve left the room is if my husband has taken my toddler out because I know it’s game over once I start getting up 😂 I’m not really sleeping because I’m a terrible sleeper but I am just resting up and listening to the chaos of an almost 3 year old that’s at home full time being looked after by my husband that works full time. Sometimes I feel bad and then I think na I’m not getting up haha. I really want to make sure my mental health stays as good as possible because I am a SAHM so I don’t want my toddler to suffer if I start to struggle and get overwhelmed because I didn’t rest enough. We have a big move coming up at the end of August too where we are completely relocating so things will go a bit crazy then. So while my husband is off work he can full time parent sorry not sorry x