I read some suggestions that having this type of chair can be a godsend to help soothe babies and for moms/parents to feed comfortably. however my apartment is really tiny, so I'm trying to decide if it's worth me trying to cram one in here.
This can become a bit of a philosophical convo 😁 but me and my boyfriend were talking about what word we both feel is the best to represent the opposite of trauma.
I'm curious what others think- what word embodies the antithesis/opposite of "trauma" to you?
I am so open to learning. I just can't go into debt to learn. I'm pregnant myself and have been so fascinated learning about birth, the healthcare systems, and matrescence. I could do admin work or doula assistance, or postpartum care if I receive the proper training. my schedule is very flexible. I just really want to become more involved in the birth worker communities in my area, either with individual practitioners or groups. I do need money but am open to volunteering as a sort of trial period. I care a lot about nonviolent communication, creative problem solving, advocacy and consent, mutually beneficial negotiations, peacefulness. If you have any recommendations for me I'd greatly appreciate it!
My boyfriend works so hard and yet 54% of his borderline offically-low-income monthly paychecks goes to debt that he got mostly before we were together. 28,000 of his debt was to buy a car for his mom. He's paying interest on that loan too.
I feel guilty that I wish he made more money, And I also wish I had gotten clear information about his finances before we got together. He said he had over $100,000 in savings. He didn't, and he also gave thousands of dollars away to relatives who scammed him, telling him it was for a funeral for someone that he learned later hadn't even died. I thought my boyfriend was going to be able to care for me financially while I got my life in order and figured out a way I can make money as a disabled person. I was afraid of being called a gold digger to ask to look at his actual finances, and these days I feel like yes I dig for gold, because I deserve to be supported and because I know the type of support and life enrichment I offer in return when I am nourished.
I wish him and I had financial transparency from the start and then maybe I could have helped prevent him from being scammed or made more realistically informed decisions from the start. I'm not saying that I wouldn't have been with my boyfriend if I knew, I definitely would want to be with him still. But I would have been a lot more careful with the recommendations I encouraged us both to take in life. Like looking for a cheaper apartment that was one bedroom instead of two, or not taking little road trips, Or not allowing him to spend discretionary money on me over the past few years.
I love my boyfriend and I'm grateful for him. He is so therapeutic for me in many ways and we are chosen family. He's the father of my unborn child. and I feel frustrated with myself that I can't just be the hero and safely earn money. So I could take pressure off of him and so that I don't have this dependence dynamic going on.
I feel so much grief for my boyfriend over his financial decisions when he was in really bad mental places. I also feel so much guilt that I am financially dependent on him despite my strong attempt to build my own businesses over the past 2 years.
I did Have a minorly profitable one but it gave me a terrible unsustainable quality of life and only $15,000 a year in return. And i also went into thousands of dollars in debt in the process, and the business ended up not being sustainable and well suited for me. I was in denial about my disabilities at the time and I thought I could grow out of them by forcing myself to do "normal stuff".
Im getting an Autism and ADHD assessment soon, hopefully to help me get more appropriate help. Also have appointments with a gastro and physical therapist to help me figure out my chronic pain and Ibs issues. In the midst of all of this, I learned that I am pregnant 5 months ago. So now I have anxiety regarding how much more disabled I might become postpartum, and just how it might change me. I have a lot of the risk factors for postpartum anxiety and depression. Postpartum is no joke and knowing my boyfriend can barely afford our bills and I can't rely on him to help me pay my credit cards every month, it's causing me to have breakdowns. I've started getting all of our food from food banks over the past month. except for a few times, I put fast food on my credit card because I am so stressed, isolated and needed something to take the pressure off. Just trying to put little signs of encouragement and safety in my nervous system using the suboptimal resources I currently have access to.
I keep having breakdowns, then trying my best to be optimistic and putting efforts out there to build my business, then having almost no progress to show for it. And becoming discouraged and broken down again. Wondering how I'm going to get out of this. I am very capable in some ways but I also have real limitations and times where I become totally overwhelmed and afraid because I have no evidence of progress.
I was reading posts on this subreddit earlier and it felt like a breath of fresh air to read people's encouraging comments, And know, I'm not alone in this poverty struggle. It does feel relieving to say all this and not just have it all obsessively filling my thoughts. I've tried telling therapists in the past, but I have found the therapists I spoke to didn't have a frame of reference to really understand what I've been through in my life and what I'm going through now. They gave me advice that just simply was designed for someone else entirely. Anyways, thanks for reading.
Update, I can't read all these posts because the first few I glanced at are really painful interpretations, narratives and conclusions about my life. I'm grateful that I am well supported by disability and chronic illness communities on substack. Otherwise I might fall prey to the shame-based rhetorics here and internalize this shame. you all (who I read) aren't skilled in nonviolent and non shame based support. I hope you all don't talk to yourselves and loved ones in the same way. Solving problems and grieving can absolutely be done without using shame. Please if you read what I'm writing here, really work on not internalizing other people's shame based words and not shaming yourself, in your attempts to find motivation, support, and to identify and solve your problems. If someone needs you to shame yourself or catastrophize in order for them to offer you support, maybe if you are really desperate, do it externally, but be careful not to internalize it and start to believe the lie yourself. Your life, your decisions, your reality has absolutely so much more beauty, complexity, and immense strengths compared to what others would have you think. We make the decisions we are able to in the moment based on what is actually accessible to us. Our nervous system gives us clues about what our needs, capacities and limitations are actually resourced to be In the moment. The systems of the world that profit from our suffering want us to use shame against ourselves and one another because it makes us fearful and more vulnerable to exploitation.
Hi, I'm 21 weeks and have been feeling gentle movement since 15 weeks. It has become daily with distinct movement feelings over the past week.
My body keeps tensing and feeling uncomfortable and my mind starts to feel a fearful lack of control when I feel kicks. I think it's because I associate all sensation in my uterus with traumatic pain and cramps from endometriosis type symptoms in the past.
When I feel the kicks, it doesn't really hurt but my brain still interprets it as danger and almost interprets it as pain, Even though it just more feels tender or sensitive when I feel the kicks.
I keep trying to rub my belly and talk to my daughter every time I feel her move and sing to her, and just help my subconscious realize its safe, and try to relax and not brace against the kicks. It helps a little bit but I still get that automatic tensing and fear.
Did you experience anything similar when pregnant? What helped you to desensitize?
I have to leave this sub because I keep randomly getting flashed pictures of poopy diapers. I wish the mods could require all photos submitted to be blurred, or something to make this a welcoming space to show up on my feed
So far most of my posts have either been quite long, complex, and honestly a bit unclear. or it's a post sharing an idea i like and inviting input.
I don't get much comments or feedback from people. I had a different substack for 1.5 years that I published on every month or two, and got barely any comments either, so I think it has to do with my writing style at least in part.
I have a lot of drafts but feel discouraged from working on them because my goal is to be a part of conversations, and something about my writing doesn't result in that so far.
It feels like a relief to record my thoughts outside my head but doesn't feel enjoyable for me to write it usually (feels like pressure and my writing feels overly serious and long to me). It doesn't feel enjoyable for me to read it back later, either.
Have people always written replies on your posts? Are there any changes you made that caused people to feel drawn to comment? Is engaged conversations on Substack more about posting on others' work to invite eyes and contribution to your own posts? How do you make it easy for someone to leave a comment? Are there subject matters or writing tones that are less likely to result in comments?
like how to make teamwork and the team's mission sustainable, oriented around people's nervous systems, not enforcing masking by not making it a clearly acceptable option to not mask, providing evidence of people who are rewarded for not masking instead of punished, seeing who is actually compatible with the rules that the mini system is designed for, providing different levels of investment and attunement for different types of affiliates of the group (who may have less they are risking/devoting into the team's work and mission compared to other affiliates), giving people a chance to shine without unrealistic expectations or lack of support, identifying and supplying accommodations to people as possible, giving people opportunities to grow in the ways they are interested...
similar topics! I really am fascinated by these topics and would love to speak to some people about them. I'm INFP so I thought maybe people here would have a similar interest and ideas you want to share :)
I'm especially interested if you changed fields when starting your business.
I want to hear from people who are currently in the process of all of this change too!
what are the ways you received funding to live while you transitioned into your new business?
how did you meet the first 1 to 20 clients?
did you notice an increase in compatible clients in correlation to some specific events (like meeting clients in a different way, or using specific business practices?)
how much unexpected or strange encounters did you have with potential or actual clients, when you were still refining your business & processes?
where did you find support to emotionally withstand the unpredictability and newness?
I'm especially interested if you changed fields when starting your business.
I want to hear from people who are currently in the process of all of this change too!
what are the ways you received funding to live while you transitioned into your new business?
how did you meet the first 1 to 20 clients?
did you notice an increase in compatible clients in correlation to some specific events (like meeting clients in a different way, or using specific business practices?)
how much unexpected or strange encounters did you have with potential or actual clients, when you were still refining your business & processes?
where did you find support to emotionally withstand the unpredictability and newness?
Hi I'd like to practice my support approach (self taught) with some people :) I'm not ready for paid clients because I'm not clear enough on my services and processes yet. I'm trying to refine and reflect, so it'd be really helpful for me to practice with people for fun.
I want to help people confirm clarity on what problems they want to solve, and what projects ad tasks to start with. I want to offer accountability support through monitoring tasks and supporting you to test out organizational strategies so you can actively monitor yourself too.
When friction is encountered, I like to consider whether other steps need to come first (sometimes we try to force ourselves to do things we aren't yet resourced to do). I also prefer to redefine tasks, because the goal is to solve the problem, the goal isn't to "prove toughness" by forcing the performance of a pre-defined strategy. I think the best way to keep momentum is through good spirits!
I care about non violent communication, informed consent, trust earned based on personal evidence, dignified determination of compatibility, slowing things down, transparency, direct feedback if needs are or aren't being met, and working together to see if the needs can be met without anyone overextending. I care about identifying internalized ableism, and the nuance of having momentum through force, vs momentum through curiosity, joy, and hope. (I value the second type!)
please feel free to comment or dm me if you are interested in maybe trying out my support and want to help me get some free, fun practice in :)
Hi I'd like to practice my support approach (self taught) with some people :) I'm not ready for paid clients because I'm not clear enough on my services and processes yet. I'm trying to refine and reflect, so it'd be really helpful for me to practice with people for fun.
I intend to help people determine what problems they want to solve, and what tasks or projects to prioritize (with the option to offer accountability support and/or organizational strategies so you can monitor progress yourself). I like redefining tasks when friction is encountered - the goal is not to enforce a pre-determined strategy, the goal is to just solve the darn problem, keep momentum and good spirits!
I care about non violent communication, informed consent, trust earned based on personal evidence, dignified determination of compatibility, slowing things down, transparency, direct feedback if needs are or aren't being met, and working together to see if the needs can be met without anyone overextending. I care about identifying internalized ableism, and the nuance of having momentum through force, vs momentum through curiosity, joy, and hope. (I value the second type!)
please feel free to comment or dm me if you are interested in maybe trying out my support and want to help me get some free, fun practice in :)
Are there signs you look for that tell you a client is uncomfortable or hesitant, even if they aren't aware of it themselves?
How does informed consent play a role in your services? What are the reasonable limitations how how much informed consent can be present?
Do you offer any specific accommodations to clients who are confused or uncertain, to help them feel clear before making a decision to work with you or enter specific agreements with you?
How do you minimize the risks from or accidental damage to clients who end up feeling dissatisfied with your services?
I was wondering what evidence do you look for to tell if a relationship is mutually supportive? what litmus tests or filters do you have in place? what are mindsets, practical tools, accommodations etc that makes it feel safe for you to take risks that make you more visible, more exposed, interacting with more people?
I tend to be a loner but, am having my daughter in a few months. It's causing me to want to take more risks to reach out for dignified community, situations where I feel my abilities are useful for others, peer relationships, and even sources of help (I am disabled, unemployed and dependent on my boyfriend whose finances aren't good either. I'm trying to develop a business so I can safely earn money but its slow going).
I considered going to a local church to try to find beginner clients, but it doesn't feel safe to me.
I am blocked because I have a fixation of fear with people pitying me, or trying to control and mold me through shame, or not being transparent and leaving me to deal with unexpected things, or the exhaustion of mutual disappointments again and again over time. i want to learn to be more proactive in determining if someone is safe for me and if we are compatible. and in what ways/with what boundaries or defined expectations.
I would like to try being nonviolently direct with people so that i dont feel bullied or pushed out of community spaces, or i can at least test if some people care when i tell them how i feel? even though that could be inviting an exhausting dynamic with some. I don't want to feel obligated to play whatever role someone wants me to be just because they accommodated me. often people make sacrifices because they are silently calculating that you will owe them whatever they want in return.
just wondering what are things that help you feel grounded within interpersonal communication dynamics? what is it essential for you to know about where you stand and your purpose before any conversation?
have you dealt with incompatible community or not feeling invested because you never really made yourself, your true needs and desires, known?
I'm only 5 months pregnant with my first, and trying to use to pregnancy to prepare as much scaffolding as I can to support a safe and prepared postpartum.
I am wondering what moms' experiences have been, so I can weigh what may be practical or not for my circumstances.
how does your lifestyle (especially regarding income) interact with your bn infant sleep preferences?
Did your income source change in response to the practical and biological changes that happened? Did you stop having income or didn't need to have any to start with? Did you keep your source of income but use accommodations?
thanks. I know this can be a sensitive question so I want to add every way of accessing resources and infant sleep preference combo is valid and not a matter of morality. it's a matter of accessibility. I will never shame a mom for doing what she can with the resources she has.
We were thinking middle name of Winter. But it's possible she won't be born in Winter. Due date is December 21 which is the first day of winter
What do you think about the significance of a middle name that speaks more to the season we would be going into with her, rather than her literally being born in the winter season?
I really need to hear messages about this topics. The spirit of not accepting oppression, trusting your gut, fighting for a bigger cause, kindness, love and solidarity in community to overcome obstacles together. Are there any rappers you think of?
I would love to see some Delphinium flowers blooming
I am ok with going outside of walnut creek and Concord. Thank you
Do you have tips for how we can decide what to get rid of and what to bring?
We are moving to a bigger apartment but I absolutely don't want it to be an excuse to just increase the amount of stuff we have.
I want a minimalist household that makes cleaning and organizing easier. That prevents my subconscious from bugging out because it's overstimulated from so much STUFF to process.
We have a giant bulky black entertainment center I honestly feel drained by. It is so huge and heavy, requires wall mounting for the top part, and I find it unattractive.
I am trying to persuade my partner to sort through his crazy hoard of clothes by pointing out we can save in moving costs. I'm doing the same with mine, and with our kitchen stuff
Any tips are welcome, thanks
What length of an article do you feel is most accessible for you to read?
Do you struggle more to trim your article down, or to increase the word count?
Have you noticed that you get more responses if your articles have been shorter or longer?
How about for notes- what do you notice with the length? What about if it has an image included?
What do you think about notes that are similar to seeing a friend's Instagram update- a personal photo and text?