u/LeaveMountain9779

Do you have tips for how we can decide what to get rid of and what to bring?

We are moving to a bigger apartment but I absolutely don't want it to be an excuse to just increase the amount of stuff we have.

I want a minimalist household that makes cleaning and organizing easier. That prevents my subconscious from bugging out because it's overstimulated from so much STUFF to process.

We have a giant bulky black entertainment center I honestly feel drained by. It is so huge and heavy, requires wall mounting for the top part, and I find it unattractive.

I am trying to persuade my partner to sort through his crazy hoard of clothes by pointing out we can save in moving costs. I'm doing the same with mine, and with our kitchen stuff

Any tips are welcome, thanks

What length of an article do you feel is most accessible for you to read?

Do you struggle more to trim your article down, or to increase the word count?

Have you noticed that you get more responses if your articles have been shorter or longer?

How about for notes- what do you notice with the length? What about if it has an image included?

What do you think about notes that are similar to seeing a friend's Instagram update- a personal photo and text?

My job has been house-sitting with dogs for the past couple years, and I'm having a baby in December. So being away from home will soon not be an option for me as I am recovering in postpartum and caring for my baby. My boyfriend makes about $3600 a month, our rent is 2300 (utilities not included), and he has a mandatory 700/month credit card payment because years ago he went into 28k of debt in a good intentioned but tragic effort to help his mom. I was making 17k a year subtract 2k in self employment taxes. And we live in the Bay area.

I am considering applying for disability benefits but that could take a long time so I need another approach, like another stage of my business plan, and/or funding sources in the meantime.

I'm developing my remote business, and it's exciting, I've got a lot of foundations done, but I also just am too depleted handling my day to day life that I don't have enough energy to channel into building my business fast enough (having a baby in Dec). And, I am very concerned my business model is designed for when I have more consistent, steady predictable energy in the future- not for who I actually am now. My capacity is too unpredictable and small now to be capable of earning enough money through my current business plan.

Disability has been a long term thing in my 33 years, I have had short sporadic periods of high masking but could never find environments that don't deplete me so that it's unsustainable. I went into debt trying to do college, certificates as a personal trainer, starting other businesses. (This business I am putting zero money into it and moving with much more caution, interest in its sustainability and my energy management). I never sought a diagnosis because I used to have bad internalized ableism/fears around accepting help.

My remote business-in-process is flexible and matches my strengths and limitations. However my energy is still going towards surviving to make money and recovering from what that takes out of me, instead of towards building my business.

I'm not willing to go into anymore debt and take out loans. I need people, organization, grants, etc to see me and decide I am worth investing in and nurturing. Or I need another stage of my business development that fits my capacity and needs right now. I've come far in the last 9 years, it's just been incredibly slow because of the low point I started in and because of how underresourced I've been. It's a long learning process, and I'm still learning to be able to safely accept help and find people whose communication values and accessibility points are similar enough to mine.

If my position is something you can relate to personally, I would be interested to talk more, learn what you are seeking as a mentor, see if we have potential for compatibility, discuss mutual conditions, and maybe have a trial period. Thank you for reading

Hi, wondering if someone knows of creative or lesser known ways to get access to income, grants, funding as a disabled/differently abled person.

I am considering applying for disability benefits but that could take a long time so I need something else in the meantime.

I'm developing my remote business, and it's exciting, I've got a lot of foundations done, but I also just am too depleted handling my day to day life that I don't have enough energy to channel into building my business fast enough (having a baby in Dec). And, I am very concerned my business model is designed for when I have more consistent, steady predictable energy in the future- not for who I actually am now. My capacity is too unpredictable and small now to be capable of earning enough money through my current business plan.

My job has been house-sitting with dogs for the past couple years, and I'm having a baby in December. So being away from home will soon not be an option for me as I am recovering in postpartum and caring for my baby. My boyfriend makes about $3600 a month, our rent is 2300 (utilities not included), and he has a mandatory 700/month credit card payment because years ago he went into 28k of debt in a good intentioned but tragic effort to help his mom. I was making 17k a year subtract 2k in self employment taxes. And we live in the Bay area.

Disability has been a long term thing in my 33 years, I have had short sporadic periods of high masking but could never find environments that don't deplete me so that it's unsustainable. I went into debt trying to do college, certificates as a personal trainer, starting other businesses/attempts and sinking way too much money up front. (This business I am putting zero money into it and moving with much more caution, interest in its sustainability and my energy management). I never sought a diagnosis because I used to have bad internalized ableism/fears around accepting help.

My remote business-in-process is flexible and matches my strengths and limitations. However my energy is still going towards surviving to make money and recovering from what that takes out of me, instead of towards building my business.

I'm not willing to go into anymore debt and take out loans. I need people, an organization, grants, etc, some source of funding, to see me and decide I am worth investing in. Or I need another stage of my business development that fits my capacity and needs right now nd is actually profitable without me needing to go into debt or spend money on something I have low personal evidence will be worth the investment. I've come far in the last 9 years, it's just been incredibly slow because of the low point I started in and because of how underresourced I've been. It's a long learning process, and I'm still learning to be able to safely accept help and find people whose communication values and accessibility points are similar enough to mine.

I'm looking for people to point me in directions I haven't tried that I can investigate. I'm also potentially open to a mentorship, but the conditions would need to be discussed. Thank you for reading

Hi, wondering if someone knows of creative or lesser known ways to get access to income, grants, funding as a disabled/differently abled person.

​

I am considering applying for disability benefits but that could take a long time so I need something else in the meantime.

​

I'm developing my remote business, and it's exciting, I've got a lot of foundations done, but I also just am too depleted handling my day to day life that I don't have enough energy to channel into building my business fast enough (having a baby in Dec). And, I am very concerned my business model is designed for when I have more consistent, steady predictable energy in the future- not for who I actually am now. My capacity is too unpredictable and small now to be capable of earning enough money through my current business plan.

​

My job has been house-sitting with dogs for the past couple years, and I'm having a baby in December. So being away from home will soon not be an option for me as I am recovering in postpartum and caring for my baby. My boyfriend makes about $3600 a month, our rent is 2300 (utilities not included), and he has a mandatory 700/month credit card payment because years ago he went into 28k of debt in a good intentioned but tragic effort to help his mom. I was making 17k a year subtract 2k in self employment taxes. And we live in the Bay area.

​

Disability has been a long term thing in my 33 years, I have had short sporadic periods of high masking but could never find environments that don't deplete me so that it's unsustainable. I went into debt trying to do college, certificates as a personal trainer, starting other businesses. (This business I am putting zero money into it and moving with much more caution, interest in its sustainability and my energy management). I never sought a diagnosis because I used to have bad internalized ableism/fears around accepting help.

​

My remote business-in-process is flexible and matches my strengths and limitations. However my energy is still going towards surviving to make money and recovering from what that takes out of me, instead of towards building my business.

​

I'm not willing to go into anymore debt and take out loans. I need people, organization, grants, etc to see me and decide I am worth investing in. Or I need another stage of my business development that fits my capacity and needs right now. I've come far in the last 9 years, it's just been incredibly slow because of the low point I started in and because of how underresourced I've been. It's a long learning process, and I'm still learning to be able to safely accept help and find people whose communication values and accessibility points are similar enough to mine.

​

I'm looking for people to point me in directions I haven't tried that I can investigate. I'm also potentially open to a mentorship, but the conditions would need to be discussed. Thank you for reading

​

If you chose this, I would love to read why you chose this option.

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I am strongly considering it, to protect my mental health. Don't want the possible complications from an epidural, I don't want to experience any labor symptoms ( I have had panic attacks in the past from pain and I already am running on empty in my life as it is, so I'm extra sensitive to stress). I want to set myself up for decent mental health and energy postpartum as much as possible.

Hey, has anyone figured out how you can keep following others and have them show up on your profile under "reads", but without all the emails of their posts?

I tried to unsubscribe from the email notifications but then it thinks I'm trying to unsubscribe from the newsletter altogether. Is subscribing the same as following/"Reads"?

Thanks

I feel like for me, a part of being empathetic means I have a very generous and powerful imagination. (by generous I mean, I tend to spend a lot of time in imagination and extending my imagination to other's lives!)

I am very practiced in using my imagination to be deep in my feelings and then imagining what other people may be feeling and thinking. I imagine I'm in others' shoes, relating best I can according to my own frames of reference. A lot of this process involves me projecting, without asking any specific person questions or getting feedback for what the full picture of that individual's life is actually like for them.

For me, an effect of this is that I have a hard time discerning what is appropriate for me, vs what may work for someone else but not for me. Because my imagination works strongly, I can get confused like am I imagining what my response "should" be according to some imaginary person's narrative? Or am IIIIIII actually feeling something relevant to my decision.

I think it's related to me processing everything overly analytical, through words and logic, instead of in my actual body's feelings. I most frequently feel my body's feelings when they are yelling danger or pain at me, and I'm very attuned to that, it happens loudly on the daily.

It hasn't really been safe for me to reliably feel in my body for a long time. It's safer than in the past, but still not the safest. Otherwise I think I would naturally be feeling positive body sensations and feelings more often. I tend to feel a lot of urgency to make the right decisions quick that will solve my problems. I feel like I'm letting my future self and others down, by not being more able to control my circumstances and avoid future hardships and tragedies.

Then I feel insecure about my capacities, and angry/afraid towards the systems of the world for being so inhumane and unevolved. Then I start being afraid of people and wondering what parts of these toxic systems they have accidentally internalized, and whether I can protect myself from them and protect loved ones from being enabled to be accidental agents of these tragedy-bringing systems of the world (survival strategies and adaptations, unhelpful cultural traditions, norms & narratives stemming from trauma & lack of resources)

I'm sure there's other factors for why I can struggle with immediately, intuitively discerning what's right for me personally (for example another reason is sometimes I just haven't experimented or experienced enough to feel convicted). I also don't want to get caught up in chasing every single thing I haven't tried just because "what if it works".

is it sometimes hard for you to tell what decision or path is actually right for you personally? right according to your actual set of strengths and limitations...not just who you aspire to or imagine you might be?

How does being empathetic help you get in touch with your intuitive authentic self, and make decisions that you often feel are right for you? I feel like I haven't learned how to use my imagination and empathy in a way that doesn't drain me.

What's your process when you feel uncertain about a decision, and maybe your imagination is sending all kinds of varying possibilities, approaches, outcomes?

Recently my therapist said "codependence is thinking too much about another person." Since I have been traumatized by abuse, I started being overly considerate of others, because I did not want to risk being associated with abuse since I know how it feels (alas abuse, or maybe rather trauma/extreme upset, since abuse is kinda a legal word- is a perception in the eye of the beholder and I can't control that, no matter how docile and empathetic I try to be). I used to not speak up and not state my emotions, feedback, perception and needs, because I thought the point of speaking was to control or manage the other person.

I thought if I didn't have the effect I hoped on someone, it inherently would increase my danger (think: you have one bullet to shoot an angry bear. If you don't bring it down you will just make it angrier).

I also thought if I couldnt affect the others' behavior how I hoped (no non happy emotions in them; no acclimation to my needs, or telling me their needs, or potential solutions), that would be proof I was:

1. Doomed to the whim of whatever quality of life allowed by my "loyalty" (ahem reliance on them) to fulfill my need/specific role, even when they were not equipped or willing

2. Inherently incompetent, morally failed, and deserving of shame and punishment to"fix me" (which I both accepted from others and applied to my own self heavily)

3. An abusive coercer by making my needs and feelings known in a non-violent way yet risking the other person interpreting it painfully by them applying shame and punishment on themselves that I did not intend

Now I feel the point of speaking up is for me to feel proud and secure that I did my part towards sustainable and healthy communication, regardless of the other person's response. I can at least know I tried to make my needs, limitations, and strengths known to give the other person the chance to adjust and incorporate my information, or understand how we can and can't better support each other and meet our needs together. And I'm grateful my partner is not dangerously retaliatory as past people were.

However I am finding that being upfront about my needs and perceptions works best when the other person is also upfront in turn. Otherwise it can feel to them frustrating like they are being requested of and it's unfair they aren't making requests. Sometimes people do this if they haven't yet learned non violent communication and they would rather be silent and preserve the relationship than risk blowing up. Other times people just aren't in touch with their needs because they are exhausted or distracted with other things. Many people simply never will care and that is valid and healthy for some people too. Not everyone needs a hyper intentional life. Either way it's my responsibility only to play my part of the puzzle and speak up. I can't put too much emotional labor into helping them reflect, learn, hear new narratives. They must be more proactive. I want to put more of my energy into earning money, which will help relieve stress and meet both our needs more in the long run.

If someone does fulfill a need or role for me, I want it not to be because they feel pressured by shame or fear, but because they just have the desire to care, and the energetic capacity/pragmatic systems to translate their intention and care to dependable action, or earnest attempts and efforts to adjust, incorporate, or give clear feedback like "I'm not sure if I can, or I definitely can't help you with this need, because xyz, but I still believe you deserve this need to be fulfilled".

I also care about interdependence, and do my best to hold my partner accountable to the things he has stated he values just as I want him to do with me. Not by shame and punishment but by reminders, or suggestions for systems he can use to remember. I also can slip back into codependence though, so I am trying to increase my independence so he has less pressure from trying to meet my needs when he needs more energy to self reflect and possibly build towards deeper knowledge of his needs and accessible proactive strategies.

It's a weird dance. Not perfect surely, but it feels great to freely express my needs and feedback without needing prior assurance of his agreement or ability to incorporate my feedback as I hope. Also, the only way I started to feel certain whether another person was using shame towards me, was when I got really good at my internal self talk and not shaming myself. The process took me about 5 months I guess. However I still am learning to consistently not motivate or persuade myself with terror/fear/catastrophizing, so I am less confident in when someone is using terror to shape me, or whether it is coming from my own mind and then me projecting it onto an interpretation of someone's actions

Also, knowing we are projecting a bit, doesn't mean we must then decide the boundaries/role performance another person is requesting from us is compatible for us. It doesn't make us weak or morally failed to disappoint others and not take on the burden of utopian levels of peace love and openness with every person. Perfectionism is people pleasing survival mode.

What do you think?

Hi, I am 33, unexpectedly pregnant, and looking to start work as a virtual assistant or admin support role (whether it is freelance clients or as an employee). I have little professional experience in this field but am well suited for it, have done some learning of skills at home, and can learn more. I have inquired into opportunities that would have me starting out gaining volunteer experience first, or having very low rates (under minimum wage), but after about 15 emails sent I have no replies, and my doubt creeps in, and persistence drops.

I am looking for a coach who can encourage me to keep reaching out consistently and not get discouraged by the silence or rejections. Someone who can make suggestions of different approaches I may try, and help me stay accountable.

I'm curious what type of sliding scale fee you have or what you are seeking in return? If there is a possibility we may have the option of a sort of mutually beneficial exchange where in return I can offer feedback and a review if you would like. Possibly I could offer virtual assistant services in return.

If you're interested, I'd love to talk more. Thank you.

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Hi, I'm considered a high risk pregnancy exclusively because I am HIV positive. I've been undetectable for years. I'm only 9 weeks so there's time for other complications to develop 😂

I'm seeing a perinatologist for extra monitoring since I'm high risk. But I'm looking to replace my OB with a midwife and look into birthing centers (I live in an apartment and won't birth at home because I would feel inhibited because of the neighbors). The OB and her office, plus the hospital she works at felt very hurried and frantic, so I am really trying to avoid that environment if possible.

Just want to set reasonable expectations before beginning my search so I don't feel disappointed if it's hard to find someone who will take me. Advice is appreciated. Thank you

Can you think of a way a girl may be teased for having this name? Any potential issues with this name?

Do you think it is too French/rare a name for us to use, since we wouldn't be honoring anyone through it, and we are not French?

We want a French name to match my partners' French name.

I don't have a diagnosis but have been considering trying to get one, even if I have to pay cash for it (where I live the assessment centers that take medi-cal have such a long waiting list they don't accept new clients).

I've been trying to improve myself and my quality of life obsessively for the past 2 years, but with little to show for it. I'm grateful I learned to not shame or punish myself anymore and learned some about ableism.

But my daily life is so empty. I am isolated. I feel drained by house-sitting for money because I'm alone in a random house without my home, routines, and seeing my boyfriend everyday. I have a couple people I occasionally text but they take weeks to reply, I appreciate them but I don't have friends or community I can rely on for more immediate connection or activity sharing. I'm afraid I might start crying or feel pressure to hold back details of my life so people won't feel embarrassed by what seems like intimacy but it's actually me just being straight forward about what my experience of life has been like and still is.

I feel painful emotions and my mind compulsively tries to analyze, reflect and imagine potential solutions for hours, to control and manage myself and my environment to prevent pain or tragedy. But I often end up feeling more drained after all that mental and emotional energy is expended. Now I'm pregnant and feel more pressure to get on a emotionally and financially stable life track.

Sorry I don't know the best way to communicate myself.

***But I would like to ask, what changes in your life made the most dramatic changes or led to a chain of events that significantly improved your daily life? Feeling safe around people, set daily sustainable activities, feeling proud of what you can do for others (but without having to harm yourself), making money even? Just feeling safe inside yourself? What helped you lessen compulsive problem solving or analyzing thoughts, or thoughts about reflecting on your life or comparing your life to where you want to be?