u/LeaveMountain9779

Hi, I'm considered a high risk pregnancy exclusively because I am HIV positive. I've been undetectable for years. I'm only 9 weeks so there's time for other complications to develop 😂

I'm seeing a perinatologist for extra monitoring since I'm high risk. But I'm looking to replace my OB with a midwife and look into birthing centers (I live in an apartment and won't birth at home because I would feel inhibited because of the neighbors). The OB and her office, plus the hospital she works at felt very hurried and frantic, so I am really trying to avoid that environment if possible.

Just want to set reasonable expectations before beginning my search so I don't feel disappointed if it's hard to find someone who will take me. Advice is appreciated. Thank you

Can you think of a way a girl may be teased for having this name? Any potential issues with this name?

Do you think it is too French/rare a name for us to use, since we wouldn't be honoring anyone through it, and we are not French?

We want a French name to match my partners' French name.

I don't have a diagnosis but have been considering trying to get one, even if I have to pay cash for it (where I live the assessment centers that take medi-cal have such a long waiting list they don't accept new clients).

I've been trying to improve myself and my quality of life obsessively for the past 2 years, but with little to show for it. I'm grateful I learned to not shame or punish myself anymore and learned some about ableism.

But my daily life is so empty. I am isolated. I feel drained by house-sitting for money because I'm alone in a random house without my home, routines, and seeing my boyfriend everyday. I have a couple people I occasionally text but they take weeks to reply, I appreciate them but I don't have friends or community I can rely on for more immediate connection or activity sharing. I'm afraid I might start crying or feel pressure to hold back details of my life so people won't feel embarrassed by what seems like intimacy but it's actually me just being straight forward about what my experience of life has been like and still is.

I feel painful emotions and my mind compulsively tries to analyze, reflect and imagine potential solutions for hours, to control and manage myself and my environment to prevent pain or tragedy. But I often end up feeling more drained after all that mental and emotional energy is expended. Now I'm pregnant and feel more pressure to get on a emotionally and financially stable life track.

Sorry I don't know the best way to communicate myself.

***But I would like to ask, what changes in your life made the most dramatic changes or led to a chain of events that significantly improved your daily life? Feeling safe around people, set daily sustainable activities, feeling proud of what you can do for others (but without having to harm yourself), making money even? Just feeling safe inside yourself? What helped you lessen compulsive problem solving or analyzing thoughts, or thoughts about reflecting on your life or comparing your life to where you want to be?