r/doulas

Not sure if this is the right forum for this but I’m 7 weeks PP and can’t shake the anger I have towards my doula and really just am looking for validation from other doulas and what they would have done…We hired her back in December and everything seemed great. She was responsive, had lots of knowledge, and had got us connected with a LC. Although I’m a FTM we didn’t really need a lot of meetings prior to labor - we really hired her to be our voice at the hospital as I mostly had to labor naturally since was given a 25% chance of my epidural working due to hardware in my back. I was also adamant I wanted her to be our voice if a C-section was brought up.

Fast forward to 5 days past my due date, around 9pm on a Saturday. I start having labor pains/contractions. They were mild and I was able to sleep off and on through the night. We texted our doula around 5am Sunday just to let her know that they had started to pick up but very much pre labor but to be aware we would possibly need her within the day. She of course kept saying that it was prodromal labor and I could be in it for days…I was skeptical of her response because although it was my first time feeling a contraction I knew this was the real deal but was prepared to see what happened throughout the day.

Fast forward again to around 3pm Sunday and my contractions are around 11-7 minutes apart so we did another check in with our doula. She went on some odd rant about sunny side up babies (we told her we couldn’t remember if she was) and sent multiple links to research and blogs. Then said I was still possibly having prodromal labor and try not to go to the hospital which we live and hour away from. At this point I was getting frustrated with her not taking my “mom instincts” seriously but new I wanted to stay home until the contractions were closer to 7-5 minutes apart so I just went with it.

By 6pm I was in decent pain with 7-5 minute apart contractions and I was getting nervous about the drive and that it was about to get late so we decided to go. Seemingly everything was going well once we got there, I was 4cm dilated and 80% effaced. My doula showed up once we got a room and things were great. She was helpful with the cold towels and was encouraging. Around midnight I was really struggling and asked for Nubain after hearing I was only 6cm dilated (we had discussed that it would be okay to use Nubain as a break). Here’s where things started to go sideways…in my pain I also asked to try the epidural even with the low percentage because the Nubain would let me be still enough for them to try. Our doula knew we wanted to only try one thing or the other but she remained silent and let them insert the epidural. I’m not mad about that but just curious why she wouldn’t voice what we had originally discussed.

Once the Nubain started working she said she was going to go to the waiting room or something for a bit while I got some rest. I found that weird but okay fine. I was okay for about 2 hours but she still hadn’t come back by the time I was in pain again. My husband was texting her to please come back but she wasn’t responding. Eventually she comes back saying she fell asleep in her car…okay…now that the Nubain wore off and the epidural wasn’t working after they had increased it 3 times (while she was gone so again she wasn’t there to voice any concerns with them upping it multiple times) I was in a lot of pain and losing my strength. I get checked again and I’m 9cm dilated around 5am. I’m begging to push but my midwife told me not to yet even though my contractions had me doubling over and I felt like I needed to push. The midwife and nurse were watching my monitors quietly for what felt like 30 minutes before I was told I was going into emergency c section due to my baby’s heartbeat moving in a wave like movement. My doula was mute this entire time besides asking the nurse when my midwife left why I couldn’t push. She also clammed up when emergency C-section was brought up and didn’t ask any further questions for me. I had to ask for myself if this was optional and how much of an emergency this was. So, off we went. My husband couldn’t even go in because I had to go under anesthesia due to my epidural not working.

She stayed with my husband until I woke up, she said something to me about checking in and bringing me bone broth and left. She checked in once with my husband via text which he didn’t respond to, he had tons of texts to respond to, and instead of sending a follow up text to my husband or calling she texted me 4 days later asking how I was and that she texted my husband with no response. I did respond but I never got a response back, never got the bone broth and never got postpartum care like she said she would, for example belly binding.

So finally, am I crazy or did this doula drop the ball? We’ve done some research on the heartbeat cadence that was happening and it seems that use of Nubain can cause that to happen, I wish I had been informed or looked into it myself before hand. Sorry for the novel but it has been sitting heavy on my heart that we paid good money for her doing what my mother could have done aka put a rag on my head. I just wish I had a lovely doula experience like I know one can be.

I'm an Oregon birth doula, newly credentialed with Regencee BCBS. I've tried billing with the codes that the Medicaid system uses (T1033 & T1032) but they're both listed in the Clinical Edits list as non-payable through Regence. I'm trying to figure out what codes to use for Prenatal visits and Day-of-delivery labor support and I feel like my next choice is to break out the Ouiji board and ask the spirits because I can't find this information anywhere. I have the fee schedules from Availity but none of the codes have descriptions there and I feel like I'm running in circles. Anyone have any insights about this?!

I’m a new doula (finished my DONA training in January) and have attended 2 births so far. They went fine but the concern is my next birth. I have a client that previously wanted to give birth at a birth center but it ended up closing. She switched birth centers and had an issue with one of the midwives so is now up in the air between 2 different hospitals or a free birth. I already know I don’t want to attend the actual birth, as that is too risky. However she offered that if I wanted to support her labor, then step out for the birth. I like the idea of supporting her labor I’m just not sure how that would look for me? She said she’s totally okay if I say no and just switch her care to pp. I’d just feel bad leaving her hanging for labor if I don’t go, but I’m not sure how to go about it. Help!

Also if you have any advice for picking up business please share! I’ve dropped off cards at stores & Ob’s. I’m “partnered” with a few people. I have a doulamatch that I haven’t had any luck at all with yet. I’ve had more luck with bornbir than anything! I have 3 for June but none others yet 🤞🏻

What’s been the MOST confusing part of starting your doula journey so far?

Training?

Certification?

Finding clients?

Making money?

Balancing life/work?

Actually getting started?

Hi everyone, my organization recently began offering doula (prenatal, birth, and postpartum)services to teen moms statewide (we're in California, so depending on where they are, a lot of them will be virtual).

We are allowed to travel for their birth, but depending on how fast it happens, I'm assuming we might not always be able to physically be there on time. Which, I guess, a postpartum doula is better than nothing.

If anyone has advice or tips on navigating virtual prenatal and postpartum care and traveling long distances (anywhere from 2 to 8 hours) for births, I would love some insight.

Info that might be helpful: we will meet with the girls once a week or every other week, depending on their needs. They also have access to us for a while after birth (like 9 to 12 months).

Thanks in advance!

So I terminated a contract with a PostPartum doula, I terminated the contract on 4-28-2026, and should be receiving a check in the mail within 30 days “based on the bank, her words” I fired her for guilt tripping, trauma dumping, lack of professionalism, her saying babies were yucky, so on and so forth. I have Medicaid and she said she takes it, however we also paid 1500 out of pocket up front. We paid with an HSA card. I want opinions on when I should dispute the claim with the HSA company.

I am a FTM and am interviewing a few doulas at the moment. I had a bad experience with a doula a few weeks ago and want to make sure I know who I am allowing in my home and trusting my baby with. The last doula I spoke with was over 2 weeks, and after I asked her a question about contract cancelation (it wasn't stated in her contract very clearly) she basically told me I wasn't serious and I should let someone else have my spot. It definitely made me realize I need to do a better job vetting.

My inital thoughts are to ask about what an overnight postpartum visit (what i am mainly looking for) looks like, if they are ok with cats, and about her training and experience. I would also like to ask about vaccination status. My OBGYN suggests everyone have TDAP and flu vaccines before seeing the baby at the very least, so it occurred to me the doula should have those too. Is that a good way to ask?

Anything I am missing? Any advice is appreciated.

Thank you!

Hi everyone! I am a social worker and former public defender and I’m interested in becoming a certified abortion doula. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for years, ever since I learned it was something that existed. I admire birth doulas and full-spectrum doulas hugely, but abortion work is something I’ve always wanted to get back into and this a way of doing it that really aligns with my values. I realize it will likely be mostly volunteer work unless I’m somehow able to form some kind of partnership with a clinic and I’m okay with that as I am currently employed. I have been doing a little bit of research and I came across Rouge Doulas, which was recommended to me as a starting point for training, as well as Allo Doula Academy, BirthPro Full Spectrum Training, and The Lemon Grove. Does anyone have experience with any of these or recommendations for any other training programs? Thanks in advance!

I am looking into becoming a doula and have been most interested in these two trainings and do not know which would be best.

Childbirth international is accredited which is a huge plus for me. This training is more affordable too. However it is a birth doula training only. Certification lasts a lifetime and so do the resources.

Sisters in Loss is more expensive but seems full-spectrum focused. Their training focuses on infertility, loss, NICU, and BIPOC communities which interests me (especially nicu training). It’s a shorter training and I cannot find any information about re-certification requirements of resources needed. This doesn’t seem accredited and I have not seen anyone mention their personal experience with this program.

Would anyone be willing to share their experience with either program or other training recommendations for Loss and NICU trainings specifically? If I can only get a singular birth training and not full-spectrum I want to be able to stack trainings to be as prepared and informed as possible. Thank you.

I've seen some threads about DNT but nothing in the last few months - I'm thinking about starting out my doula journey by taking DNT's doula classes. I know some folks have been concerned about their curriculum and sourcing of material. For those who have taken a class through DNT, have you felt that it was worthwhile? Also, if anyone has a referral code, feel free to reach out as I would be most appreciative of one - thank you!

We hired a night doula for our newborn and there's a few things that aren't sitting right with me.

We noticed she spends a long time out of the nursery while the baby is sleeping. We asked her to remain in the room as much as possible for room sharing/decrease sids. Last night she was out of the room (with the monitor) while the baby slept for 1.5 hours. I asked her about that and she claimed she was doing laundry. When I do laundry it takes a few minutes to turn over the load and a few minutes to fold the clothes as we do a load a day.

She also fully reclined on our reclining chair when holding the baby to soothe to sleep after a feeding. She has a blanket and the room is dark. This doesn't seem safe to me?

Overall I am wondering if these are red flags and I need to let her go? Or am I overreacting?

Hello! I am in the process of getting my certification for birth and postpartum with DONA, but I want to start my own business. I see that it is a lot of hard work having your own business but I want to see all the tips you guys can give me to start! I live in Virginia and there’s not a requirement of certifications or anything like that to be a doula. However, do I need anything else to start my own business like an LLC? Or do I kinda just start ? I am almost done with my workshop and they’re going to talk about the business side of things a little bit, like contacts and things like that but they’re based in California. I want to hear everyone’s experience being a solo doula! And if you’re in the Charlottesville/Crozet/Ruckersville area let me know ! I would love to get in contact with you! Thank you for reading !

Curious to hear if you do anything particularly special for clients that stands out and that they really appreciate!

I know there’s a range but if you had to estimate , how long do you typically spent at a birth?

In /doulas there is a megathread of certification programs and details about them from people who have taken the courses! It’s amazing.

I’d love to start that here, specially for postpartum doula certification programs.

Please list who you got your certification through and whether it was a good experience or not. I’d also love your thoughts on the curriculum and whether it was informative, you expected more, etc.

I am currently looking to get certified - but am overwhelmed by all of the options. This would be so helpful for me and others I’m sure!

Is there a realistic path for someone who wants to pursue being a doula or childbirth educator without having to start their own business? The someone is me, haha. I feel guilty even posting this, because I know that this sub gets a lot of "how do I start out?" posts, but here I am. Ever since becoming a mother myself I feel called to support other moms and birthing people through birth and pregnancy, but I also know myself and I am not someone who has the tenacity and skill to build a business from scratch. I'm from Massachusetts, for context. Any insights are appreciated!

I’m 33 weeks pregnant and a little late to this, but I just discovered that my workplace covers postpartum doula / night nanny services. I’m debating on which route to go. It seems through Carrot fertility, there are more postpartum doulas than night nurses within the network. From what I understand, PP doulas offer more holistic family support and seem to be more regulated. Night nannies focus more on baby. I see the benefit of both, so I few questions for those that went with either. Of note, I do plan to breastfeed with 1-2 bottle feeds a day (breast milk)

1. Those that went with doula, is it possible to still have nights where they operate more as a “night nanny” if we really just need a night of rest? I understand the need for overall support and I want to be involved as much as possible, but I also imagine there’s going to be some nights where a break will be necessary. Would this be supported, and have you seen the role more interchangeable?

2. What was the sleeping arrangement for baby? We purchased a Snoo for our bedside. Did baby sleep at bedside with you, or did baby stay in nursery on nights that doula was there? If baby stayed bedside, where did the doula stay and was it weird to have them come in at night? This might seem like a silly question, but just curious. We have 3 dogs that sleep in bed with us, so having someone come in and out of our room may be a huge disruption and cause more stress than anything. But on the other hand, would baby not being bedside with us disrupt routine?

Thanks so much in advance!

I see these questions all the time and I remember being there…

You finally get an inquiry, you set up the consult call, and then you spiral. What if they ask how many births I’ve attended? What if they can tell I’m new? What if I freeze?

Here’s the thing nobody told me when I started. Clients are not hiring you because of a number. They’re hiring you because of how they feel on that call. 

I’ve watched seasoned doulas with 200 births lose clients to brand new doulas because the new doula made them feel SEEN. That’s the whole game.

Some stuff that actually helps:

Lead the call. Don’t let them lead it. This sounds counterintuitive because we’re trained to make space for clients. But when you let them drive, the call becomes an interview where you’re the candidate. When you lead, it becomes a consultation where you’re the expert. Open with something like “I’d love to start by hearing a little about where you are in your pregnancy and what’s been on your mind, then I’ll walk you through how I support families and we can talk about whether we’re a good fit.” You just set the agenda. You’re in charge of the call now.

Reference their intake form before the call and bring it up early. If they wrote that they’re 22 weeks with their first and feeling anxious about hospital interventions, mention it in the first few minutes. “I saw on your intake that you’re feeling nervous about the cascade of interventions. Can you tell me more about where that’s coming from?” They will visibly relax. You did your homework. You see them as a person, not a transaction. Most doulas skip this and it’s the easiest way to stand out.

Active listening is NOT nodding and saying “mhm”. It’s reflecting back what you heard in your own words and then asking the next layer down. She says “I just want to feel supported.” You say “When you imagine feeling supported in labor, what does that actually look like for you? Is it physical, emotional, someone advocating for you, all three?” Now you’re in a real conversation. Now she’s telling you things she didn’t even know she needed.
Don’t apologize for being new. Don’t bring it up unless they do. And if they do, you don’t have to lie OR over-explain. Something like “This is one of my first official clients as a certified doula, and I’ve been preparing intensely for this moment. What I bring to your birth is full presence, evidence-based training, and the kind of energy that someone with 100 births might not.” That’s the truth. Lean into it.

Stop saying “I think” and “I feel like.” Listen to yourself on a recorded call once and you’ll hear it everywhere. “I think I would probably bring some massage tools.” Just say “I bring massage tools.” Cut the qualifiers. Confidence is mostly just the absence of unnecessary hedging.

Have three stories ready. Not birth stories necessarily. Stories about why you became a doula, a moment in your training that shifted something in you, a time you supported someone (a friend, a sister, anyone) through something hard. Stories build trust faster than credentials.

Tell them what happens next before they ask. End the call with “Here’s what I’d suggest. Take 24 hours to talk it over with your partner. If you want to move forward, I’ll send over the contract and we’ll book your prenatals. If you have questions in the meantime, text me directly, here’s my number.” You just removed every point of friction. You also signaled that you have a process and you’re not desperately waiting by the phone.

Follow up within 24 hours with something personal. Not “just checking in.” Send them an article about something they mentioned. A podcast episode about hospital advocacy if that’s what they’re worried about. A note that says “I was thinking about what you said about your sister’s birth, and I just wanted to say I’m holding that with care.” This is the move that closes clients.

The doulas who book the most clients are usually not the most experienced ones. They’re the ones who run a tight, warm, prepared consult. That’s a skill you can learn before you ever attend a birth and it will propel your business for years.

I’m happy to workshop in the comments btw. What’s tripping you up most on consults right now?​​​​​​!