u/dah_Deadly_Ace

I’m around 18, for reference, I keep on seeing relatively professional looking/good looking art work from people around my age and it kinda just gives me a crisis and kills all drive for me, probably out of envy, I mean if I locked in like 5 years earlier I could be on their level, but I’m a slothful little chud so I have done nothing. Idk man I gotta lock in, I haven’t had the will to draw at all this month, something something reverse sunk cost fallacy

I’m like one year away from collage, and the collage I want to get into sorta requires me to practice a certain thing, to the point where I’m good enough to get in, I feel like I could get good enough if I started to consistently practice for 6-8 hours per day, however my autistic ocd adhd ass has so much trouble focusing I can barely do shit, how can I force myself to lock in?

I feel so fucking behind, I should have locked in 4 years ago. I’ve wasted my youth doing nothing and fucking around, and even now I can’t find the will to lock in. I can barely push myself to practice/draw what the fuck is wrong with me?

This is probably some sort of perfectionism and some sort of almost being 18 existential horror, idk man I feel like I gotta get good fast or some shit, I feel disappointed with my lack of art skills right now

Long story short, like 3 years ago I was sorta groomed into leaning towards femboy stuff and slight mtf stuff, I’m 17 now, and I’ve recently have had thoughts about mtf. I really don’t want to be trans how do I stop/cope with these thoughts assuming I do have dysphoria

I know this is a bit of a stupid worry, but whatever I know everyone improves at their own speed. Lowkey don’t care, I’m 17 I should have locked in 4 years ago. I need to cram in as much improvement into the rest of the year as possible before I’m 18, I gotta prepare myself to lock in for 6-8 hours every day, fuck the 50/50 rule I don’t deserve to have fun with art until I’m good at it

Long story short I want to just focus on just doing as much art practice into the rest of the year, until December ig, however historically I am really bad at focusing. I’ve planed on doing this all year but I haven’t really gotten the will to do it.

Like at the start of this year I wanted to lock in and try to cram as much possible improvement in 5-6 months, I didn’t do shit man, i feel like I genuinely have to cram as much art improvement as possible, I’m fucking 17 if I genuinely locked in like 3-4 years earlier I’d be so good, fml.

I suck man, I’ve had like 3-4 years I could have dedicated to getting good and I’ve done nothing, fuck even in the past 6 or so months I’ve done fuck all, I’m Turing 18 soon man, I don’t have the will to get better man