u/damn_i_love_frogs_

I’m sorry this post is so long, this was a 5 day ordeal 🙃 (TLDR at the bottom)

TW: death

This weekend I (24) went to visit family 6 hours away. My cousin, spouse (both mid 30s) and their child (5) flew to meet us all, my aunt (mid-late 50s) and her spouse (mid 60s?) also flew from another continent. I haven’t seen my cousin, aunt, and their spouses in about 8-ish years, and this was my first time meeting my cousins child. We were all meeting where my grandma (87?) lives to spread my grandpas ashes who died 3 years ago, this was the first year we were all able to make it where my grandparents live(d) at the same time. My uncle (late 60s) and my mom (62) were also there and I also brought my boyfriend (25) of 2.5 years. My uncle and grandma live in the town, my mom, boyfriend and I were staying together, my aunt and her spouse were staying with my grandma, and my cousin, spouse, and child were staying in an air bnb.

The first day, I got up at 5 am to pick up my boyfriend and drive 6 hours, so by the time we got there we were both pretty tired as neither of us slept well the night before leaving. My mom had met the rest of my family for lunch but my boyfriend and I drove straight through town as we wanted to get to where we were staying and have a nap. We waited for my mom to get back to where we were staying, had dinner and went to bed

The second day, the whole family went for breakfast without inviting my mom, my boyfriend or myself. This was also the day we were spreading the ashes. We ended up meeting and driving to the trail we were spreading the ashes, and no one had a clear plan of what we were doing. Some of the family wanted to walk from the bottom of the trail up, some wanted to walk from the top down. I’m slightly upset no one asked me as about 2.5 years ago I had spinal surgery, walking uphill is extremely hard for me and the trail was about 4.3 km, all uphill if your going from the bottom. We ended up going from the top down, and my grandma and my aunts spouse followed us down the trail in a car. After we finished spreading the ashes I would say there was about 1km left of the trail, if not less. At this point, instead of the original plan were everyone goes to the bottom of the trail and my aunts spouse driving the drivers back to the cars and they all drive back to the bottom of the trail to pick the rest of us up, my uncle and cousin decided to walk back up to the top and get the cars and drive back down and meet us. My aunt, her spouse, my cousins child, and my grandma drove the rest of the way down the trail, my cousin, cousins spouse, my uncle, and my moms ex boyfriend (lowkey comedic relief and best part of the trip) walked back to the cars, leaving my mom (bad knee and ankle) my boyfriend (6’5 and a larger man) and myself (spinal fusion) to walk the rest of the way down to the end of the trail, where we then had to wait with cousins 5 y/o child because child wanted to wait for their mom, for about 30-45 minutes in 25-30 degree heat and no shade for the drivers to get back to the bottom of the trail with the cars. After spreading the ashes the plan was for everyone to get dinner, but cousin, spouse, child and uncle crossed the border to go to a restaurant, I don’t have a passport, boyfriend didn’t bring his, and neither did my mom. Aunt, spouse and grandma also made plans to get Chinese food, and mom boyfriend and I weren’t invited. So we went for lunch instead, but since the whole family went for breakfast that group wasn’t really that hungry, meanwhile I hadn’t eaten since the night before and my stomach was hurting it was so empty. Most of the people who got breakfast didn’t eat at the restaurant and a few of them seemed annoyed to even be there. This is also where I started to notice my aunt going a little overboard paying attention to my cousins child. That kind of stung for me, as when I was the same age as my cousins child, aunt lived about 45 minutes from us, and I never got nearly as much attention from her. The one time she took care of me, when my mom came to pick me up and asked how I behaved aunt said “well let’s put it this way, (spouse) and I are glad we didn’t have kids”. I was a well behaved child, so much so that people actually commented on it. After lunch, mom, boyfriend and I went back to where we were staying, had a fire and some drinks and made dinner. Mom attempted to plan an outing on one of her friends boat the next day, because when I was a kid my grandpa had the same kind of boat her friend currently does and we thought it might be nice to spend a day out on the boat like we did \~15 years ago. Everyone said no. Everyone was also supposed to come down to where mom, boyfriend and I were staying for a fire, and no one showed up. No one even said they weren’t coming until I asked in the family group chat if anyone was coming.

The next morning, mom, uncle, cousin, and mom’s ex boyfriend went golfing, and were planning to be back around 11. Mom took my car as she doesn’t like to drive her car in/out of where we were staying because it’s so low. Around 11 I text mom and ask if she’s on her way back because I’m hungry and want to go for breakfast. She responds saying sorry and she’s already at the breakfast place, asking if I want her to bring me anything. I make breakfast for boyfriend and I (almost in tears because I was about to get my period and I wanted to go out for breakfast). When mom gets back she explains she only wanted to stop to get a coffee, but she drove cousin and uncle to the golf course and they decided to get something to eat. Mom, boyfriend and I end up going out on mom’s friend’s boat with mom’s ex boyfriend and that was possibly the best part of the trip. After the boat we go to grandmas for dinner (a combo birthday dinner for cousin, cousins spouse, their child, and myself as we all have birthdays this month) dinner was good, cake was good, but cousin barely talked to me the whole time, even though cousin was sitting across the table from me. Cousin asked my boyfriend what he did for a living, they were talking and chatting, never asked me what I do (I’m unemployed at the moment, but I just finished college and graduated with honours). And when aunt asked me she either acted like she didn’t know, or just completely forgot I went to school and graduated with no grades under 80%. Cousin, spouse and child leave relatively early, as child needs to go to bed, mom, boyfriend and I leave pretty quickly after, and boyfriend and I roast marshmallows before going to bed.

The next day (and last day) was possibly the best of the whole trip, even though we were just running errands, because I didn’t see my family pretty much the whole day. Mom, boyfriend and I went into town, got lunch, stopped at the dollar store, went to another store to get containers so mom and I could take some of grandpas ashes home with us, and went to visit moms friend with the boat as he has a gorgeous property and had a really cool shop. Mom and friend played a game of cards, boyfriend and I walked around his shop and property and played with the dogs. Then we went back to where we were staying, got stuff ready for dinner, and everyone finally came down to where we were staying. Dinner was originally supposed to be at uncles but uncle changed the plan last minute and wanted to smoke his brisket at home and bring it to have dinner where mom, boyfriend, and I were staying. aunt and her spouse took grandma to an appointment a few towns over, she has these appointments every month and needs to rest after as she gets headaches and she’s usually very exhausted because of the procedure/car trip. Aunt, spouse and grandma come anyway, I’m assuming grandma felt a bit pressured to come. We had dinner and a fire, roasted marshmallows with cousins child, watched aunt be all over cousins child like she was the grandma, and asked cousin what time they were leaving for the airport tomorrow. Cousin said their flight was at 1pm and they had to leave by 8:30-9am and would be at grandmas in the morning to say goodbye. At first, mom, boyfriend and I weren’t planning on leaving until 9-10 and having a relaxing morning, but after cousin said they would be at grandmas around 8:30 we changed our plan.

That brings us to this morning. Oh my god. I never want to see this side of the family again other than grandma. We pack up, and head to uncles house as we were staying near him and he said we could leave our garbage and empty cans at his house so we don’t have to pack it home. Mom talks to uncle while boyfriend and I take our garbage down to his garage. I come up to say goodbye and he says I don’t have to because he’ll see me at grandmas and that he hasn’t heard from cousin yet so cousin isn’t on the road yet. Mom, boyfriend, and I get to grandmas (grandmas is about 15-20 minute drive from uncles) Aunt and spouse suspiciously aren’t there, grandma says they went to get gas. We fill our containers with a bit of grandpa. We wait. 10 minutes. 20 minutes. And about 30 minutes after we get to grandmas, mom calls uncle and asks where they are and if uncle has heard from cousin yet. Uncle says “we’re at (restaurant) eating breakfast where are you?” WHAT THE FUCK. Mom starts getting mad saying “at moms??? I told you I was coming here??? Why did you tell me you’d see us here if you were going for breakfast???” And apparently he didn’t know we weren’t coming. We give grandma hugs say our goodbyes and mom sends an angry message in the group saying how disappointed she is that we weren’t invited and that we’d been waiting at grandmas for 30 mins. By the time I get to McDonald’s (maybe 5 mins away) to get a breakfast sandwich for the road cousin had left the family group chat. When I got home I also found out my dad’s friend that lives with my dad and I passed away while I was driving home. Grandma knew him as well from when my parents were together, and we’ve known for a while that he was going to pass away. Mom texted grandma to let her know that we got home safe, and that dad’s friend passed away, and as far as I know she never got an answer.

Aunt and spouse are supposed to stay with mom in the days between heading back down here, and flying home, and mom is considering telling them to find another place to stay.

And that guys gals and pals is why the only person on moms side of the family I’m Facebook friends with is grandma. I knew they all sucked, but never in my wildest dreams did I think they’d suck THAT bad.

If any of my family has Reddit and reads this, I don’t care about how you treated me, I haven’t liked most of you for years and all you did was prove me right. But my mom didn’t deserve any of this.

I also want to add that my boyfriend was the most amazing guy on this trip, he kept me sane and helped with anything anywhere he could. He helped my grandma put her deck back together after we had dinner at her house, he made sure there was enough chairs around the fire pit when everyone came to our spot for dinner, sat at the campfire so there was enough room for everyone at the table (I also sat with him so he wasn’t sitting there alone), washed dishes every time we ate around the fire, never let me or my mom carry anything out of stores, put up with my crazy family, paid for lunch when the three of us went into town, opened and closed the gates every time we drove out of where we were staying, held me and gave me back scratches when I had a migraine the last night, and probably more that I’m forgetting. I’m so grateful for him and that he was able to come. And, I got really good pie on my way home and I’m eating it as I’m writing this. One slice of coconut cream pie and one slice of lemon meringue pie.

TLDR: I went to spread my grandpas ashes and my whole family excluded my mom, my boyfriend and I for the whole trip