I thought I wanted to become a man because I found it exhausting to be a woman...
One of the reasons I thought I wanted to “become” a man was that I was extremely tired of being a woman in this patriarchal world. I found it suffocating that, as a woman, I was confronted with so many beauty standards. I found it stressful to constantly have to worry that something might happen to me (I’ve experienced violent and sexual assaults in the past). I was annoyed by all the beauty routines (shaving my legs, skincare, etc.). I was frustrated by the bothersome aspects of having a female body (periods, vaginal discharge, water retention).
But it wasn’t until after my detransition that I realized that 90% of the women in my friendgroup feel the same way. As a woman, you grow up very differently from men from a young age. And from my perspective, I always had the impression that as a man, you could go through life much more easily and carefree. Of course, I know that men have their own challenges in this world, but they don't have to stress about so many things in daily life.
But ultimately, it was never about trans identity - it was simply about gender envy. Of course, there were other psychological factors that contributed to my distress at the time, but all the societal expectations placed on women played a major role. Did anyone else feel this way?