u/darth-bagus27

My biggest problem with it is Omori pulling his punches with certain events that he sets up, specifically in the main series. For example,

1. Haruhime’s Virginity:

On the surface, this complaint just seems minor, but the entire point of the Ishtar arc—when it came to Bell’s mentality—was for him to start forging his own story, if you will. It was for him to look at past stories of heroes, where women like Haruhime would be depicted as not someone a hero would save, and reject that notion. “If someone wishes to be saved, then I’ll save them”. So for him to go through the entire arc just for Lena to make a side comment that Haru’s actually a virgin, it felt unneeded. It's not like Bell or Haru find out, so it’s just there for us to know and serves no benefit to the narrative; if anything, it takes away from it. 

2. Hestia Familia Expedition:

I’m sorry, but someone should’ve died; at the very least, a permanent injury. I’m not even saying someone from Hestia Fam, but what I’d really want is for Bell to experience failing to save someone. I was going to bring up Weine and her resurrection as a point, but I think I have a much stronger argument here, especially since Bell was separated from the dungeon party for most of it. It’s a little ridiculous for not a single one of them to fall, doubly so when we’re constantly told how dangerous and unforgiving the dungeon is.

3. Freya’s Punishment:

She got off way too easily, and I’m done pretending otherwise. She mind-controlled the entire city to make them think Bell was always a part of her familia. That’s someone you have to make an example out of if you want anyone to give a damn about order. But no, she effectively got a slap on the wrist. 

The reason why this bothers me so much is that this problem isn’t in Sword Oratoria or most of the other Danmachi-related works. Omori is very much capable of committing to darker elements, but with the main series, he holds back. I’m not saying I want the main series to be ultra dark and edgy—I’m not asking for Berserk 2.0—but just something to raise the stakes would be nice. 

Let me be clear: I still love this series; I wouldn’t write a fanfic about it if I didn’t. This is just what irks me the most about it. 

Hello everyone.

Like the title states, I’m looking for someone who’d voluntarily be a beta reader for the next few chapters: Chapter 14, Chapter 15, and Wanderer (Interlude 3). Note that I’m not seeking one for the chapter I’m currently working on, nor its associated interlude—Chapter 13 and Wanderer (Interlude 2). 

The reason I’m announcing this now is that those three chapters will make up the climax of Arc 1. Because of that, I’d like it to be some of my best work to date, and I fear my current methods of revision won’t be sufficient. I can’t get meaningful feedback from GPT as it will glaze over anything I put in or hallucinate a problem. I also can’t ask my friends, as none of them have seen Danmachi.

Honestly, I just want someone who can read my mid-to-late drafts and be brutally honest. If something is bad, they tell me and explain why. 

I’m NOT seeking an editor as I doubt there’s anyone who’d be willing to do so for someone else’s fanfic free of charge. Speaking of charge, the most I have to offer anyone is the following: an inside look at my writing process, early access to finished chapters, and perhaps some glimpses at what I have planned for the story as a whole. 

If anyone’s interested, feel free to reply here or DM me (assuming this doesn’t get nuked by the mods for not being a comment on a Fanfic Friday post).