🚩? What do I do?
EDIT: TL;DR - he covered my mouth and nose with a plastic bag out of nowhere
I've (39F) have been with my bf (43m) for 10 years. We don't live together. We only did for 1 year. I have 2 boys, now teens. I've experienced a lot of gaslighting, name calling, verbal abuse, financial abuse.. that only continues to get worse. There's no consequence for him though so it's my fault for sure. I'm an idiot and so lost in my day to day I just expect him not to be there.. and accept him when he is... Broken promises and all. The past week he's been especially off. I stuck up for myself, just calm and respectful boundaries - and like always, he flipped it into me being "not the softness he wants in his woman" and like "a drunk angry man??" .. I responded by sending him reels about how women can only embrace their femininity when they have a man who provides and supports and loves and doesn't attack them when they cry. He had also tried telling me I need to use whatever it is he takes to sleep at night. The problem isn't that I can't sleep it's that I don't have enough time between rides for my kids and work and more rides the next morning. I'm completely exhausted (Hence why I said I don't need drugs.. Meaning his ashwaganda or whatever)
WELL - TONIGHT JUST CROSSED A WHOLE NEW LEVEL. I haven't slept much in like 3 days. He's been gone sleeping for 3 days straight (Sunday night through tonight). He came over tonight. We went to get a bite to eat. As always there were underhanded insults, but I'm used to it. I make excuses for it. 😩
THEN when we got home. Just had music on in the car and were relaxed.. We pulled into my garage and as soon as we were parked - he put a plastic grocery bag over my mouth and nose, out of nowhere. I didn't see it coming and it felt very weird and scary. I had to push his hand away. And then just stopped the car and music and said "that was the last major Red flag.. you're going to kill me..wtf was that." And he's like "omg it was just a joooke..." I got out of the car and then he threatened to leave me, told me hates me, that I'm a lost puppy dog (for trying to have a rational conversation about what happened.) kept telling me it's just a joke. Until he raged (outside in my quiet neighborhood) SCREAMING AT ME how much he hates me.
How is this a joke? Am I going crazy? Please help 😭