Why isn't 'wants to move back to India' a filter on any dating app?
I'm 31F, came to the US in 2017 for my masters, have been working in tech for the last 7 years. Never had any "issues" with my H1-B, PERM is in process, professional life is looking pretty solid. I know I'm in a privileged spot to even be making this choice freely.
But on the personal side, I'm struggling to find the right partner. And lately I've been feeling that my life is so much more than my job, the visa stress, job and the layoff stress. Even if everything is going smooth right now I keep overthinking that what if I buy a home, have kids here in USA, and one day a visa rule changes and I'm stuck somewhere in between. India is where I actually picture my life, closer to family.
Yes, I've tried writing "planning to move back to India" in every dating app bio. The matches it produces are still 90% people who haven't actually thought about it.
Here's the actual problem. On Shaadi, DilMil, and Hinge, my matches fall into two buckets: people in the US who don't want to move back, and people already in India who I can't realistically meet without flying out.
"Wants to move back to India" isn't a filter on any of them — so I end up asking in every first conversation, and 90% of the time the answer is no. These apps match me by caste, by mother tongue, by whether my horoscope works with his.
I've messaged people on Shaadi who've already moved back, but I'm not comfortable moving without meeting someone first — and the geography makes that almost impossible.
Not one of them asks the question that actually mentions where someone's life is headed: where do you want to live? I've messaged people on Shaadi who've already moved back— and the geography makes that almost impossible. Then I read this thread. The comments were full of people who'd had this exact conversation with their partner and that's when it hit me that this isn't just my problem.
So I built a small thing - a matchmaking site specifically for NRIs who either want to move back, or who've already moved back and want a partner who gets it. It's small(I am just starting over). I'm onboarding people one conversation at a time so the early users are real. I'm not trying to sell anyone anything(It’s free).
Full disclosure: yes, I'm the one who built it. (Mods — happy to take this down if not allowed. No link in the post; happy to DM if anyone wants to register)