u/deadendsign

just got back from the toronto show and it was amazing! however i noticed that chokehold cherry python, weedkiller, and possession of a weapon werent played. i figured it might’ve been because the toronto show started late, i think due to tech difficulties, but i checked the montreal setlist and it also didn’t have those songs. don’t get me wrong, the show was still incredible! but i was just curious as to why these songs may have been cut? does anyone know?

hi all. i’m a bit nervous posting as it’s my first time really connecting with others with PCOS. this is a bit of a question and a bit of a vent post, so apologies if it does not fit into this subreddit- i can happily take it down if need be.

basically, i hate how i look largely on account of pcos. i just finished my first year of university and turned 20 years old. i am surrounded by gorgeous people all of the time and i just feel so, so awful about myself. first of all, i am very fat (~260lbs, 5’5”). it wasn’t so bad when i was younger, but i had to go on antidepressants for multiple years (i have always had significant mental health challenges) which made me gain much more weight and no matter what i do it’s impossible to get off and keep off. i can’t really think of many parts of my life where i wasn’t actively trying to lose weight, even when i was much skinnier. on top of that, i have bad hormonal acne i’ve had since i was about 10 years old, so a whole decade. it’s primarily on my cheeks and chin. i got a good handle on it last spring/summer and was very happy, but during my first year of university the stress caused it to come back despite consistent care and i was/am literally devastated. furthermore, i do grow facial hair. i have dark, thick, curly brown hair so my facial hair doesn’t blend in to my skin at all (i am white) and is obvious. i shave every couple of days but it never “disappears” and when it’s growing back it’s very bad, and waxing isn’t an option on account of my acne.

the thing is, i only feel this way about *myself*. i would NEVER see another woman who deals with similar things to me and think she was unattractive. in fact, i know people who look similarly to me and i think they are beautiful! but i can’t stop hating myself so much and thinking about how much happier i would be if i could just be skinny and beautiful like everyone else my age. and i know that it just gets worse from here. i have an amazing boyfriend of three years who thinks i’m gorgeous, but he is very traditionally attractive, skinny, and handsome and all the time i think that he would be better off with someone more “in his league.” i feel awful that he has to be with someone like me and i am on some level convinced he secretly thinks i am disgusting.

i guess this was just a long way of asking, how do i get over this? how do i stop feeling so terrible about how i look due to PCOS? how do i stop feeling like PCOS is a terrible curse thats ruining my life? i just really don’t know anymore and i thought maybe trying to connect with others who have been/are in the same position as me might help. thank you in advance.