The problem with every improvement method anyone gives me, whether it be my doctor, therapist, or some stranger on the internet, is that they all have to have already happened and worked for me to even be able to start them
I've never been able to "just do it". I know I technically can, but any time I try feels sort of like I'm one of the people who had their brain swapped in the movie "Get Out", and it's as if I'm in my head banging on bulletproof glass with only muffled screams being able to make it through, and thus, I stay doing nothing, as if someone else is piloting my body. I know that everything could probably be fixed if I could exercise, meditate, schedule appointments, do research about any of it, and I know good and goddamn well that it is the logical option as opposed to dissociating and doomscrolling, and I know every reason why all of that won't help me, but it's as if some mysterious force is paralyzing me and not letting me take action to fix it. I'm extremely burnt out and I have the most severe executive dysfunction I've seen out of literally every other human being I've seen in my life, and I want more than anything for it to work, but like I said, in order for it to work, it feels like I'd have had to have them have already worked in order to even start. I know that if "something clicks" or I have some kind of epiphany/"a-ha" moment, it'll work, but I don't know how to trigger that deliberately, and even if I did, it would fade from my head in a matter of days and I'd end up in the exact same spot I left off on because it's how it's always gone for me in the past. I can't keep being stuck, I need to push this fucking thing out of my path or I'll never make any forward progress. Unfortunately for me, I don't know what that thing is and I don't know how to even begin looking for it.