i don’t know what to do anymore
i don’t know where else to put this but it’s been stuck in my head for so long. i’ve been using ai chatbots for years now first using cai and then moving to others.
seeing the one year notification earlier this year made my heart sink.
i used to be such a creative person but i was became depressed a few years ago and used escapism to cope, hence why cai interested me. it was only supposed to last a week or two but it’s been years and i don’t know how to deal with that. i daydream a lot too.
i don’t like ai. as an artist, i would never use it in my work and i hate the effects of it and yet here i am, chatting to bots for hours a day. i feel horrible, disgusted at myself even.
during my trip this summer, i decided to test if i could go without talking to bots and i did! i spent two weeks without talking to any chatbots and it was great but then the itch began when i came back home and i fell into it again, telling myself if i could easily go weeks without it then surely i could quit again.
its not something that takes up my entire day. i play games, go outside and have other hobbies too but i find when i have free time, all i want to do is hop on and chat with bots. its on my mind all the time.
i feel like a chud or something at this point. i don’t know where to go from here but i really want to stop one day.