I am so scared about how my son is going to turn out because of his family
I honestly have no idea where to post this, but as the title says, I’m scared shitless about how my son (10M) is going to turn out as he gets older.
I don’t want to sound like the daughter-in-law who hates her in-laws so I’ll say this:
I am not close with my family. I do not think that my family is better, if anything they’re just as bad. I was not seen, heard, supported and was neglected by both parents while growing up. It has been A LOT to work through and it hasn’t been easy.
Due to the distance my own family (partner, myself and son) have with my side of the family, we see more of my partner’s side, which is where some issues arise.
I primarily have issues with my partner’s brothers.
One is a deadbeat father to his two children, an alcoholic, has verbally and physically assaulted ex-GFs and family members ontop of 17 family violence incidents. A majority of the family do not have much to do with him, unless it involves his children (as he does not have custody, his children stay with my partner’s parents). We see him once or twice a year.
The other is not as much of a POS but his blatant dislike of me has severed any good relationship between us. Even though these reasons are personal he never took time to get to know me and ignored me for the first 6 months of myself and his brother dating, after another 1.5 years when I got pregnant, he began to be nicer but has been inconsiderate bringing up miscarriage once I’d announced my pregnancy, has accused me of cheating, being a gold digger, among other incidences where he’s made comments about me which has resulted in my partner and him fighting.
Most recently, he has made fun of my cat getting run over and having him cremated, saying “You should’ve just chucked his body into the fire”, he even involved his kids in making fun of the situation, and I just feels like after 3 years its all built up to the point where I’m just so done.
But he is a really good uncle to my son. He is extremely caring and loving towards him, and dotes on him whenever he has the chance.
I don’t want to be told that I’m being sensitive or taking it too much to heart, because after so many years I’m so tired of feeling anxious and like I’m unwanted in the family.
I don’t want my kid around this. I don’t know what to do. I’m an only child, so I have no nieces/nephews for my son to grow up with, so my partner’s brother’s children are the only cousins he has.
On the other hand, I don’t want to be scared about my son learning these behaviours and becoming a bully.
So I feel really conflicted about whether or not to bring any of this up to my partner.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading. Any advice on how to navigate this situation would be greatly appreciated, figuring out what’s best for my kid without feeling like I’m breaking up the only side of the family he will know.
(I wrote this all in one try, hopefully it’s not all wordvomit. Cheers.)