u/defectra

EDIT: this was a DUI drugs (fentanyl)—not alcohol-related just to clarify
got my second DUI on September 2nd, and I spent 30 days in isolation because I am trans. this isn’t anything new to me, but I threw away 18 months of sobriety.
I decided that I can either throw my hands in the air and give up, or I can dust myself off and continue to better my life.
the day I was released from prison last June, I called my mom crying. I was in the diversion program here, which has a very low success rate and is very rigorous. the program had sanctioned me to six months in the pen, and I told my mom “I don’t want to go back. I’m so scared something is going to happen.” she said “do two things to help your situation. two small things—right now—that you CAN control.”
this sh** doesn’t happen overnight, and I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.
it’s everyone’s first time on this earth, and we should give each other (and ourselves) grace.
thanks for reading and much love to my community on here
also, I didn’t get any testosterone for 5 weeks, so I am currently stabilizing back out and really liking the lil mustache/goatee combo I decided to try. 2, 3, 4, and 8 are pre-incarceration, but they’re photos I felt confident in.

yesterday was my 3 years on T and my original court date to legally change my name, but I didn’t bring all the required paperwork. I flagged a clerk down and was able to be seen this morning at 8:30am by the same judge who has dealt with me since age 18. I graduated drug court—the program he presides over—3/12/26.
he said “you’ve always been Collin to me.” and he asked if I had finally left my 3 year toxic relationship. I said yes, and I told him “you have a very good memory considering all the people you deal with” (the program has 200 people in it at any given time). he replied “only for the ones I care about” and this man is VERY stoic and stern. he has a reputation here for “throwing the book” at people with no warning. he sent me to prison a year and 2 months ago following my overdosing twice.
I thought I was getting a late start getting on T at age 26 (I was strung out for 11 years), but that wasn’t the case.
when I look in the mirror now, I can’t believe the image I see looking back at me—is really me.

IT DOES GET BETTER, but you have to struggle through the hard days first. I remember the first 6 months—constantly analyzing my voice pitch with Vocular, inspecting in the mirror for new hairs, etc. after that first 6 months it starts flying by and you don’t even notice time is passing…

finally left a toxic and abusive relationship after 3 years and moved back in with my parents. I can’t find a job because of my criminal background, but for the first time in years I am happy and at peace—and enjoying life. doing things I used to love like drawing and playing the guitar/bass.

slide 8 is my 10 month old son (we have 4 Siamese cats—one is a snowshoe). he is extremely spoiled—has his own engraved Apple AirTag inside his collar bc I don’t ever want to lose him

and slide 8 is me next to my dad because that’s my twin and we even STAND the same lmao

thanks for looking!! love everyone

my partner (MtF) has been cheating on me for over a year now, and it’s always with a cis man. this has caused me to really hate my body and feel awful about myself. trying to get out of that situation (we live together and I lost my job a couple weeks ago). we were playing frisbee earlier, and my mom said “you have NOTHING to worry about. even when you put that tank top on, you turned to the side and I was wondering how it would look. there is nothing there.” and she really doesn’t know how much I needed to hear that and see the pictures. hope everyone else had an at least decent Father’s Day

not sure if this is the right sub to post in, but I know it gets a lot of traction. August 3rd I’ll be 3 years on T, but I’ve never seen this happen to my vials. this testosterone is from February 2026 and it expires June 2028. it turned this cloudy color about a month after I got it. AI Google summary said it has bacteria in it, but I don’t trust Google AI for shit because it’s often incorrect. has anyone else had this happen? I live in Oklahoma, and we are fighting for our lives down here to keep HRT (currently paying cash for EVERYTHING). I don’t want to throw it out because of that

was trying on some clothes I bought today (I have an extreme shopping problem and it’s Ross’ fault) and had an epiphany moment. I didn’t really see the resemblance much until now 🥲

weight has fluctuated from 92lbs (was on drugs) in September 2022 to 165 (when I was released from prison 6/5/25) to 140 pounds now. I had a decent amount of breast tissue a couple years ago, but I’ve been sticking to my routine of chest exercises—cable flies and incline dumbbell press—for the last 18 months or so. chest is usually covered with Transtape, so I didn’t really look closely until last night and it seems like there’s hard anything there anymore???

I’m getting a large sum of money pretty soon, and I’ve been debating on the top surgery thing but it’s so hard to imagine spending $10,000 when my chest is so small

most of the time, I just feel like I look like a stud with a beard. I’m not sure if that feeling will ever go away. I view myself as how I looked before starting testosterone. this is kind of an off-guard picture and my hair was not spiked up, but I actually look like a man. I don’t think she realized how much this improved my confidence

I always thought that I wouldn’t see much of a change because I started hormones so late in life (due to fentanyl addiction), but that was not the case. I did a triple-take after I took the bottom photo. I texted it to my partner and said “do I really look like this?” It’s just unreal. Can’t put it into words.