Need Life Advice, I guess
I am 23M, belong to a lower middle class family, almost graduated, I am doing a remote job right now earning around 70k pkr per month.
My parents own a house in a fairly good place in the city (Sargodha), I don't have any financial problems right now because I don't have any expenses to begin with, But the financial anxiety comes with being born in a lower middle class family I guess.
I don't have any savings right now, this job also started like 2 months ago, I am thinking of putting most of my salary, like 80-90% into mutual funds.
The main problem is though lack of motivation, I don't see a point in living, My parents are very loving and caring, I am very lucky in that dept, but I just don't see a future where I will be happy, you might be thinking it doesn't make any sense but the real reason of me thinking this is because I am gay, I knew it from a very very young age, I was in denial UpTo a few years ago, but this is the reality and I can't run from it anymore. I am not feminine at all so no one can tell or guess, not even a single soul knows this about me, But this simple fact about me has impacted my life significantly.
I belong to the desi culture, sooner or later I will have to marry, I might delay it but can't cancel it, and the closer it's getting the more scary it is, I don't even care about myself anymore, I know I am cooked anyway, but what about a random innocent girl, her life will get destroyed because of me, that guilt alone will be enough for me. On top of that I will have to pretend literally 24/7 to be someone I am simply not for the REST of my life.
On top of that I am becoming such a disappointment for my parents, I wanted to do so much for them, but it all feels so distant now.
I simply don't see a future where I will be happy. I am so done pretending that everything is ok because it's not.