Was my girlfriend having a lesbian affair?
Myself (M,32) and girlfriend (F,29) have been together for 9 years this month. I would definitely say we have more good than bad thats happened in the relationship.
Fast forward a few months and we are moving out to our own separate apartments. We still are together, doing stuff as a family, spending time and etc. We would have disagreements and stuff but we were ok for the most part.
There would be times she would mention a friend she talked to about something or whatever and I thought nothing of it. She also would say she’s going to have her friends over when she cooked, which all seemed fine, friends cook and drink together all the time.
However, come August 2025 things started getting a little odd. She asked me one day about a threesome and I assumed she was joking cause I always joked in the past about it. But she asked me like 2-3 times, in a mentioning way and turns out there was an old “coworker” from her job she was trying to have it with. I was very confused because she never mentioned anything to me about wanting to try a threesome or that she liked or wanted to try something with a woman. When I flipped out she shut it down and that was it. I even had her cut the friend off cause it just wasn’t comfortable to me.
A few weeks later in September after seeing something that made me very upset and uncomfortable, I looked up her friends name she met from the shelter on TikTok that she had been cool with for a while and under nearly every video or picture, there was emojis like hearts, faces and stuff. Now I know women do this and it’s normal mostly, but it just felt odd. I called her and mention it and she still claims they just close best friends. I told her to come to my house so we can talk and everything.
She told me that they were just emotionally close and best friends. But these are the red flags, I never ever met or seen the girl, I never even talked to her on the phone, and they had been friends since late 2022. She told me the girl had a key to her place, I asked why and she said whenever she needed to get away from home cause she lived with her sister. And apparently she had a key to her place too. I seen where she would take a Lyft to the girls house and stay the night, but it was never ever mentioned to me. I asked if anything sexual ever happened and she paused for a second and they said oh she only grabbed my ass and when kissed once. I also discovered she was letting her borrow money quite frequently on cash app. From what I gathered she would always pay her back and it wasn’t all 12 months but it was a lot, like maybe $1200 or something over a period of like 16-18 months.
After a long argument I told her they can’t be cool if we supposed to be together. So she got her key back and we said we would work on our relationship since she felt she needed to console in someone else emotionally. This was in September when this happened. Fast forward to November, like a day after thanksgiving she gets a called from No Caller Id and I answered it, a guy said hello then a girl came on the phone and asked to speak to her, I said no and to not call her. The girl called back with someone else on the phone cursing asking if she was okay and that they would call the police for a wellness check. When we got back to my place I told her she needed to talk to her and do something cause that wasn’t cool. The problem was, she didn’t do it in front on me. She went home to get some stuff and claimed she talked to her and etc and that was it.
Well, a few days ago out of curiosity I checked her phone log online for November and December and turns out they were still talking occasionally or I’d see how the other girl called like 12 times and it went to VM cause she was blocked. Some calls were short, 3-4 were long like 45 mins and one was like 3.5 hours. Mind you I was never around when she found the time to call her. The last call was on December 28th and I didn’t see anything from the year. She claimed it was just to get her money back but I don’t feel like it took long phone calls and especially behind my back when you told me she wouldn’t have anymore contact with her.
I feel like this was something deeper than she was telling me because a lot of stuff that was happening felt like they were having a breakup or something? Not just a concerned friend! I don’t have any evidence that it was sexual or anything, only just pieces of the puzzle that she told me and sometimes quite vague imo.
Do you think this was two women who were emotionally close and bonded after the shelter? Or does it sound like my gf was having a lesbian affair behind my back?
Also, the friend from the shelter was also gay or bi, I seen her social media and she does mention men but I also see where she dated masc looking lesbians, had girls flirting with her under pics and even out right arguing with them under some of the post. My gf always said that the girl had kids and she would always say it’s her friends with kids too yet under all her social media I don’t see not one trace of a kid. When I brought this up to my gf she then claimed her kids got took or something but she did name the two kids. But she always made it seem like the girl had kids and I just assumed they would play with my daughter but my daughter said the girl never had kids around?
So AIO or wtf was going on?
Tl;dr I feel like my gf was lying about her friend saying it was a close emotional bond and believe it was sexual