Hi, for all of those who might’ve figured it out later in life or had a hard time coming to terms, what were some key indicators or things that made you realize you were in fact lesbian? thank you
My girlfriend (29) and I (29) have been together for 3 years. There’s been a lot of pain she’s endured throughout her life from presenting as a more masculine girl, while I’ve benefited from being more feminine-presenting. I’ve also dated men in the past while she has not, which has been a huge source of insecurity and pain for her.
I’ve tried to reassure her that I truly only have eyes for her and have never felt this way about a relationship in my life. I’ve also struggled with comphet and have been working through it, so I understand why there’s pain there for her.
Nevertheless, there have been a lot of issues and growing pains over the last three years, and I’m starting to believe she resents me. She’ll randomly say things like the texts below, completely unprovoked. If there’s a man who looks like someone she thinks I would’ve found attractive in the past, she’ll say, “You probably like him.” When I took her to see one of our favorite DJs, right before we got there she said, “You would go flirt with him.”
One time I took her to a nice oyster house that I was really excited to take her to because I know she loves it. I asked our male waiter for ketchup with a smile, and afterward she told me I was flirting with him and using my eyes to get what I wanted. At the time, I tried to see it from her perspective and agreed that maybe I had fallen into a people-pleasing habit around men without realizing it. I felt awful and apologized because I never wanted to make her feel disrespected or uncomfortable. I was locked into our conversation the whole time and truly paid no mind to the young male waiter who literally seemed like he was 19.
But these comments keep happening... like WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHY DOES SHE KEEP TEXTING ME THINGS LIKE THIS? I genuinely feel like I’m losing my grip on what’s normal because my friends are telling me that this isn't okay, but I feel like I am in the wrong.
For context, she’s currently grieving the loss of her mother after anticipating it for about 2.5 years, so I try to be understanding that she’s in an incredibly painful place emotionally. At the same time, I don’t know how much longer I can keep taking these kinds of accusations.
Has anyone experienced something like this? Is this relationship anxiety? Grief? Resentment? Projection? I genuinely want to understand what’s happening because I feel like I’m constantly defending myself against things that are triggering her. I've tried everything, being defensive (unfortunately), trying to dig deeper & ask questions, offering a listening ear, sympathizing with her pain, apologizing for situations that have been perceived as flirting in the past, etc. there's been nothing of this issue to complain about since the waiter to be honest also. And that was probably two years ago.
Texts between us:
She said:
“If u were traveling prob stay bar flirt people. I’m leaving. Prob sleep men here. Men. Throw urself at them. Love men.”
When I responded:
“Baby, you know this isn’t a great way to come at me to talk about your triggers. Let me know when you get back to your spot. I’m still working right now.”
She replied:
“u like their attention. That’s literally why u love Barcelona so much. Every one looks like u, acts like u.”
I said:
“Do you hear yourself???? Don’t talk to me like that.”
She said:
“I’m not crazy.”
I responded:
“I’m not speaking to you when you talk to me like this. I don’t think you are crazy, but I do think I deserve more respect when spoken to. I hope you get home safely. I love you. Reach out if you want to talk about something else. If not, have a good night and sleep well.”
She replied:
“classic. Run away. Always. Avoiding. So classic.”
I said:
“Not running away at all. I don’t want to be spoken to like that. And I’ve told you time and time before.”
She replied:
“enjoy your peace. Thanks for not being mine.”
TL;DR: My girlfriend frequently accuses me of wanting men or flirting with men whenever she’s triggered despite me consistently reassuring her that I’m committed to her. She’s grieving the recent loss of her mom and has longstanding insecurities around my dating history with men, but the accusations have become so frequent that I’m starting to question what’s normal and okay to accept. I’m trying to understand whether this is grief, relationship anxiety, resentment, or something else, because I don’t know how to respond anymore
Helping a friend out who doesn’t have Reddit !
My friend (masc) has an amazing girlfriend who works incredibly hard, and they want to surprise her with something thoughtful after work more often. She's pretty feminine, but she doesn't like flowers and she rarely eats, so the usual ideas don't really work.
They're not looking for anything expensive just sweet, unexpected things that would make her feel appreciated and help her unwind after a long day. Any ideas from people who've done something their partner really loved?
Hey yall I’m currently fresh out of high school and going off to college, and Ive recently started thinking about relationships and who I truly like. For some background, in my entire life I have never been in a relationship. Honestly, for a while I’ve never even wanted one. Like I said I had crushed on men before, but they didn’t consume my thoughts yk? Like maybe one did in high school, but as I thought to myself more I couldn’t imagine being in a physical intimate relationship with them.
In my junior year, I got this game called Starfield where there were 4 romance options, 2 girls and 2 guys, and it didn’t matter the gender of your character you could date any of them. I ended up deciding I wanted to go with one of the girls, even going through the entire 2+ hour storyline so we could get “married”. I think I kinda like enjoyed it, because in the storyline she was liking me a lot and I enjoyed the fact that she liked me? In a way? I later had kind of a freaky dream with her, and that was the first time I thought about anything relating to sex.
For my entire life I’ve kinda just felt disgusted by the idea of having sex or being physical with someone. Like when my mom had “the talk” with me, I was immediately disgusted and I thought to myself “if I want a relationship, how could I ever want to do that?”. Like do people genuinely feel sexual attraction to guys, because I feel like I have never felt that.
Anyway, cutting to my senior year, I had another freaky dream, this time with Emma Frost from Marvel Rivals. The thing is, I kinda enjoyed it. Like I’ve tried dreaming about being with a guy, but it just felt…boring? Idk just uninteresting? Like being intimate with a woman just felt more fun? Like I said I am still somewhat wary of being sexual (I’m not a super freak) so enjoying being intimate with someone felt really crazy to me.
Now onto some things that confuse me, I’ve heard that a lot of lesbians will typically enjoy watching shows w/ lesbians or liking mostly women and lesbian characters. This is kinda me but also not. For all my life I’ve enjoyed mostly male characters (not in a romantic or sexual way) with my favorites being Gojo, Darth Vader, Levi, Jeff the Landshark, and so on. I just don’t typically get swept up into female characters except Hange (who is my all time fav) and Keely from Ted Lasso. However, then I watched Arcane in sophomore year I remember the relationship between Cait and Vi being a big fav of mine. I loved their relationship and chemistry, and was really dissatisfied with how their relationship went in season 2 in my opinion due to writing issues. But I also remember the sex scene in that season, and while I didn t like how it was set up I was kinda intrigued? That was my first lesbian relationship I ever saw really.
On top of all this, is it weird to want to be really close to a friend (girl btw). Like they are on your mind no matter what and you can’t help it. Like in a good way. This has been happening for a while I don’t know if it’s like in a friend way or a relationship way since I’ve never been in a relationship.
Also, this was probably during sophomore year as well, my parents were asking me if I liked any guys, but then my mom jumped in and said “it could be a girl”. I said no to both, but that one comment has really stuck with me. My parents are both religious, but not in the very homophobic way, they just dislike how much it’s being pushed on kids but don’t wish any ill will towards those who are LGBTQ. Which is why I thought this comment was strange.
Finally, sorry if this all felt really sporadic and confusing, I’ve just been really confused recently and it’s gotten to the point where I’ve looked up videos and quizzes. Anything would be greatly appreciated 😭🙏🏻.
Girlfriend, partner, intimate experience? What was it like, how did it end up, or how is it going?
hello! i need some really good saphicc movie/show recs for a movie night
Hallo zusammen, ich (W,27) frage ich mich seit Jahren ob ich nun wirklich auf Frauen stehe.
Seit dem ich klein bin, hatte ich immer wieder merkwürdige Freundschaften die sich letzen Endes herausgestellt hat das dass Mädchen auf mich steht. Im Jungen Alter von 11 war mir das gar nicht bewusst bis einschließlich zum 18 Lebensjahr. In diesem Zeitrahmen haben sich 5 Mädels in mich verliebt und haben mir ihre Liebe gestanden. Allerdings wurde mir nie klar das da wirkliches Interesse stattgefunden hat und ich habe das nur als Freundschaft wahrgenommen.
Nun ja, mit 23 Jahren habe ich mir dann wirklich Gedanken darüber gemacht warum mir sowas häufiger passiert ist. Ich habe mich dann selbst hinterfragt ob ich vielleicht der Grund bin der etwas ausstrahlt wovon ich nichts wusste.
Ich habe schon immer gewusst das ich anders bin als die gewöhnlichen Frauen die man kennt - Feminin, Zärtlich und süß…
Ich hingegen bin mit Brüdern aufgewachsen und bin selbstsicher, direkt und entspannter drauf (Bro weise gemeint). Ich sitze sogar Breitbeinig auf der Bank und denke mir dabei nichts weil ich das voll normal finde und mich vieles nichts juckt.
Und rückblickend kann ich feststellen dass ich mich mit Jungs/Männer viel entspannter umgehen kann als mit Mädels/Frauen. Mit Männern kann ich mich viel einfacher anfreunden. Aber bei Frauen tue ich mich da manchmal irgendwie schwer da viele Vorurteile haben oder direkt judgen.
Ich spiele seit dem ich klein bin Fußball und hatte auch da ein merkwürdiges zusammentreffen mit einem Mädel aus der Mannschaft die mich geliebt hat wovon ich nichts wusste.
Wie dem auch sei, ich habe mich mit 23 jahren bei meinen Freunden geoutet und alle haben es normal aufgenommen und mich so akzeptiert. Nur waren alle der Meinung das es nur eine Phase bei mir wäre, weil ich eine 3 jährige Beziehung mit einem Typen hinter mir hatte. Nach der Trennung war ich voll in meiner Selbstfindungsphase wodurch mir klar wurde das ich mich eindeutig zu Frauen hingezogen fühle. Ich war mir so sicher das ich meine liebe meiner besten Freundin offenbart habe und wir sind bis heute noch befreundet. Ich bin nun 27 Jahre und meine Neugier ist seitdem immer noch da. Ich habe es bei zwei Frauen versucht nur hat sich herausgestellt das die nicht auf Frauen standen.
Ich hatte Glück das die beiden das locker aufgenommen haben haha!
Männer sind für mich irgendwie langweilig geworden weil es sich ständig nur um das selbe dreht. Man datet sich, man wird gelovebomed bis die dich ins Bett kriegen und dann wirst du materialistisch beschenkt während sie andere Frauen in deiner Anwesenheit angaffen. Männer sind so langweilig omg. Die können noch genug Geld und geile Karren fahren wie so wollen aber wer emotional unintelligent ist verliere ich sehr schnell das Interesse. Gerade wo ich Emotionale Intelligenz anspreche fällt mir auf dass ich mich meistens zu Frauen hingezogen fühle bei der ich mich emotional wohl fühle.
Ihre Persönlichkeit muss mich umhauen 🫠
Ach ja bevor ich es vergesse würde ich gerne wissen wo man sich am besten wenden kann um sich auszuprobieren. Dating apps maybe?
Ich hoffe ich finde jemand der das nachvollziehen kann.
I've just had a 3 year relationship end about 3 weeks ago. I've been on apps like hinge and feeld mostly just out of curiosity and this past week I've had some sort of breakdown and have had really bad constant anxiety and nausea although it's starting to stop now hopefully.
My question is, whenever I see a hot/gorgeous person I start to feel really sick and struggle to breathe. This has literally never happened to me before and it's beginning to annoy and frustrate me. Is this normal given my situation? Will it go away? Please say it'll go away because if I can no longer look at people I find attractive I may end up in a long term depression and I'm not joking :')
So, it's well known that there are some very famous gay icons like Judy Garland or Laura Dern. I never thought much about it on the other team, but I was watching some Curb Your Enthusiasm recently, and just saw one episode where Larry David thinks of himself as being kind of a Lesbian icon. So, are there any Lesbian icons in that sense? Sappho doesn't count haha
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Hi, my first language isn't english so pls be kind if there is any grammatical error.
I really need an advice, cause I feel like I am going crazy over this.
Four years go, I meet this girl, one year older than me, same school, I always felt attracted to her, but didnt know what that feeling was, I just though I really wanted to be friends with her, so I took the initiative and talked to her and with my surprise we had a lot in common.
At that time I had a boyfriend, I didnt realize yet that I was a lesbian, so I was confused.
After I broke up with my ex I realize I had a crush on this girl, for her privacy I am gonna call her "Maria".
Me and Maria, started to talk really often and became really good friends, and she developed feelings for me too (it was kinda obvious) I confessed to her, and she reciprocated my feelings, I was so happy, so in love, but Maria also confessed that she didnt want a relationship with me, cause her friends, her family, and her ambient was really homphobic and she was scared.
So we decided to remain friends, For the next two years we stayed friends, even if anyone could told we liked eachother. I saw other people but everytime Maria needed me, I left everything to go to her. In every relationship I had, I couldnt stop thinking I was somehow betrayng Maria. So I told her than whenever she was gonna be ready would have left , everything, and I would have choose her.
Last year, we started to saw eachother secretly (cause her parents found out I was lesbian and didnt like that, her mother even figure out that we had something going on) I was single so I started to give her gift, to treat her like my gf, and she did the same, we had a lot of on and off. Since that time, we had a lot of periods in which we didn't speak to each other at all even for months, because I was under the illusion that something serious could arise, but every time her answer was the same "I'm not ready".
After so much pain, in may of this year she decided to end our friendship, cause she though it was hurting me too much.
I suffered a lot that decision, but finally I could move on, I started to see oppurtunity i never saw before, I understand that we were too different and we was looking for differents things, we couldnt never be something "happy".
I was broken, but this summer for the first time, I didnt feel like I was waiting anymore for something impossible.
Last week I send Maria a text for something related to a reciprocate friend, we chatted for a little, and she told me something that totally schoked me and took me by surprise.
She accepted a date with me, a real one, something we never had before, that I always desire, and asked her. Maria told me, she didnt care anymore what other though, that she wanted to try, and see.
Initially I was so happy, so enthusiastic, I though "this is all I ever wanted".
But than another feeling show up, "I dont know if This is what I want anymore".
Maria is my first love, and I will always like her, and be there for her, but I dont know why, I think I am tired, for the first time I am the one that feels like this is not the right thing, I am not scared or anything, I dont understand why I am losing feelings now of all time, why "I am tired of waiting" when I dont have to do it anymore.
Is cruel, after 4 years of waiting, she is finaly ready but I cant make my self happy about it and I hate myself for it.
Should I go to the date?
My girlfriend says she wants me to seduce her, but I don't know how to do it or how to start. I asked her what she'd like, and she said I should surprise her. Any advice? Tips? Or how should I begin?
In the bedroom how long do you all go for ?
After a few orgasms?
When everyone is tired ?
A few years ago, I shared a house with another woman who behaved strangely towards me, as if she hated me but at the same time felt attracted to me. I would drop hints to her, like we'd be good together, but she would get uncomfortable and distance herself. However, when I distanced myself from her, she would come looking for me to talk. I noticed she was also jealous of me when she saw me with a guy she was seeing or talking about other women. Besides that, I noticed a tension/nervousness on her part when I was closer, or a gleam in her eyes when she looked at me while we talked. I sometimes felt a flirtatious vibe between us, but I always thought it was just my imagination because she insisted she was straight and even made homophobic comments that irritated me. It could even be that she liked feeling desired by a bisexual or lesbian woman, and that fed her ego. So I decided to distance myself as much as possible, only speaking to her when absolutely necessary. Since we lived with other people, we could minimize our interaction, which is what I did, especially because I started to like her, and whenever that happens with a straight woman, I distance myself.
But she wouldn't leave my mind, and when we were already living in different houses, I mustered up the courage and sent her a message saying that I liked her and that I thought she felt the same way about me. She called me ridiculous, crazy, rude, said I bothered her, and even said that we were never friends and that she didn't want me in her life. I didn't understand why she was reacting like that, but I had already noticed a certain anger on her part towards me (maybe for trying to be friends with her, I think, or out of pure homophobia). Anyway, the more I tried to talk to her, the worse the situation got… I haven't seen her since, but sometimes I still think about her.
Sorry the title isn't worded well. i thought i was bi for 2 years until last year sept where i started questioning if i even liked guys. i pushed that thought down but now after a few months im questioning it again, as im also questioning if i actually do like the only guy i said id ever date or if i just wanted his attention (yes sorry this sounds goofy)
id love to hear your experiences,, so feel super free to drop a comment!
I was wondering if there are any good books (besides the lesbian masterdoc) that shine a light on comphet through a therapeutical or trauma based lense, for more complex cases
I was talking with one of my hgs yesterday about how men over sexualize women all the time for no reason. As a bisexual man i often have these talks and we giggle at how silly it all is that men act the way they do, but last night reminded me that I am still different from most of my peers.
My friend mentioned how she saw a tiktok of someone throwing ass, and how if a woman did that to her she would be so grateful and man would probably just be horny. I admitted that I would be one of those men for sure and we just kind of moved past it.
I like to think I adore women; I hold you all in high regard, and I actively go out of my way to listen to a woman's input challenge my own biases, but this has brought something to my attention that I can't ignore. Whenever I see a talented woman, or hear her make a great point about something I'm thinking, "Wow this person is so beautiful" and I didn't think too much into it because I wasn't undressing this person in my head even though I thought they were attractive so I had to be fine. Now I'm realizing that it's hard for me to admire a woman without thinking about how attractive she is, and I will never be able to just be in awe of a woman doing something sexual the way my friend will because of the foundation my attraction is built on.
It's pretty self-explanatory. I've been crushing on her, let's call her Esther, for most of the year and I realized last week that I'm in love with her. She's bi. She *has* hinted before once that she liked me, but then confessed that she likes one of our mutual friends, let's call Hilary. Just last week though Esther said she thought Hilary's been kind of mean to people recently, and she (Esther) doesn't really want to be friends with her anymore. Anyway, I have no dating experience at all, and neither does she. I don't know how to flirt, so that's a bit of a problem. What do I do?
I have been with my (27F) partner (28F) for 2 years. I love my partner, but as of late, our sex life has become almost nonexistent. Today, we had sex for the first time since March. We both have very hectic, very asynchronous schedules that the only time we see each other is just brief and quick. Today was a reminder though of why we haven't had sex in 3 months. She doesn't listen to my needs. I have asked her time and time again that I dont want to just have sex. I want to kissed and grabbed and touched in a way that makes me yearn for more. She just wants to get off and be left alone. Out of respect, I always leave her alone, but even after hours of leaving her alone, I feel this pit that she doesnt want me. I even asked her today why she didnt do the things I wanted to do and she scoffed and said that it was just kissing, it wasn't having sex. And I pled with her and even said that I wanted to feel wanted and not just used for sex. I wanted to say that kissing my lips and kissing my neck and chest and grabbing my thighs and cherishing every inch of skin she sought after would turn me on and then we both can enjoy it, but I didnt because we've had this conversation time and time again. Im sorry for rambling, but maybe I thought other people have experienced something similar and I can get advice or something besides leaving which is lingering in the back of my mind and I try to shut out the mere thought of it.