u/dontsaythaat

First of all I wanna say I got to know her as a lesbian and she still calls herself that. So we started dating april 2025 and sleeping together early may. By this point she had told me about a male ‚friend‘ she had kissed a couple times but that stopped around fall 2024 according to her. Now she’s telling me she had a dream that made her remember that she did go on a walk with him in march 2025 and probably kissed him. Now I remember her going on a walk with him after sleeping with me and when I ask her if she kissed him then too she says she doesn’t remember but doesn’t believe so. She knows how much I value exclusivity and honesty. She admits that she did lie a lot back then and isn’t proud of who she was but she’s started therapy and is changing now. That makes me feel like our relationship started on a lie. She says until now she had forgotten that he was much closer to our story than she thought. Apparently she forgot her own lie. She kept this guy around during our relationship as a ‚friend‘. She says she probably didn’t correct her lie after we got together because she didn’t think it or he was significant enough. We started out as ‚casual‘ at first. This is a huge breach of trust and it‘s not the first. Would you stick around knowing that she started therapy, is fessing up and admitting her mistakes?

So we started dating april 2025 and sleeping together early may. By this point she had told me about a male ‚friend‘ she had kissed a couple times but that stopped around fall 2024 according to her. Now she’s telling me she had a dream that made her remember that she did go on a walk with him in march 2025 and probably kissed him. Now I remember her going on a walk with him after sleeping with me and when I ask her if she kissed him then too she says she doesn’t remember but doesn’t believe so. She knows how much I value exclusivity and honesty. She admits that she did lie a lot back then and isn’t proud of who she was but she’s started therapy and is changing now. That makes me feel like our relationship started on a lie. She says until now she had forgotten that he was much closer to our story than she thought. Apparently she forgot her own lie. She kept this guy around during our relationship as a ‚friend‘. She says she probably didn’t correct her lie after we got together because she didn’t think it or he was significant enough. We started out as ‚casual‘ at first. This is a huge breach of trust and it‘s not the first. Would you stick around knowing that she started therapy, is fessing up and admitting her mistakes?

I know a lesbian who I think has a lot of internalized homophobia and a homophobic family who would like to be into guys. Every once in a while, like while going through a break up she will accept attention and validation from men (she says it’s already there so she gives into it, while finding women is harder). She initiates kissing and cuddling them, fooling around over clothes. She only went further with one of them after she drank and was at her lowest, so her inhibitions were lowered. After that she felt used and disgusted. She says she was never attracted to them, did enjoy the kissing and cuddling but still has this ‚what if i didn’t find the right guy‘ mindset. Does it sound like she’s really a lesbian? I‘m asking because she wants to be with me but I‘m afraid she would leave me to go try with another man.

I F26 broke up with my ex F28 because she lied about meeting up with her ex. 3 months later I got extremely drunk and called her. We ended up meeting 10 days after this call. Just little by little she revealed to me that during no contact days after we broke up she added her cousin back on snapchat who she had blocked because he flirted with her when we were together. They ended up kissing and talking for a while. She kinda freaked out and then went to her male friend‘s house to talk to him about it. this friend she had kissed before we met each other and stayed friends during our relationship. She ended up kissing him too and fooling around multiple times. Months later she revealed to me that hours after I called her she went to his house and cuddled and fooled around with him. Also like 5 days before we met again she went to his house, got drunk, had phone sex with the cousin and then did sexual stuff with the friend. She didn’t tell me for a while as she felt disgusted and used. Had I known all this mess I would have stayed far away. I‘m now 3 months in after reconnecting, attached to her again but struggling with the betrayal and resentment I have towards her. I tried to leave so many times but I know if I go this time it’s the last time. She‘s trying to make things right, trying to deal with my emotions (I have not been chill and kinda really a jerk to her at times). I really don’t know if there’s any coming back from this. She says she only did stuff with them because she needed to feel cared for, have attention and validation while she was feeling awful about herself. She does not even like men!! I don’t know what to do

After me (26) and my lesbian ex (28) broke up she went and dated two guys to try and get over me. She’s not even into guys but didn’t want to date a woman and get invested. So she picked those guys because she already knew they wanted her; one of them she was kissing before she even met me and the other (who is her second cousin) flirted with her when we were together. She blocked him but then unblocked him right after we broke up. She said she just needed closeness, attention and validation and with her ‚friend’ she also wanted to see if maybe she could be with a guy (her family is homophobic). 3 months after we broke up I drunk called her and we talked all night, confessed our love. Just hours after we talked she went to his place and cuddled and kissed with him (which i found out now 2 months later). For over two months now I‘ve been trying to get over it. It feels like I have been cheated on. How would you feel? Sure we were broken up but those guys didn’t come out of nowhere, she was regularly meeting that guy, even if mostly in groups. I feel like I have been fooled even if nothing happened while we were together and she’s not attracted to him. She did tell me when we were together that he put his hand on her thigh and she shouldn’t meet him anymore. Am I overreacting? I should forgive her? She has blocked those guys a few days after we met again after reconnecting.

I am a lesbian and got broken up with because I lied about meeting my ex. After the break up I went to fool around and date the same exact two men that were flirting with me during the relationship and that I was assuring my ex girlfriend about. I‘m not even into men. I want my ex girlfriend back.

My ex gf did this and it makes me feel so weird. She told me it was for validation and attention, but why men? What hurts is that these men were flirting with her when we were together, completely dismissing that she’s in a lesbian relationship. It feels so invalidating and the fact she later gave in to it. She keeps telling me it makes no difference that it was men that were already around during our relationship. She says she didn’t feel anything for them and feels ashamed and now wants me back. She blocked them only after they took advantage of her when she got drunk. How can I get the mental images out of my head? It feels incredibly invalidating that she describes being with men ‚easier‘ and that they have ‚less complex‘ feelings. As if we don’t all know that men are awful and they were just easy to be with because they only wanted her body. I try to put myself in her shoes and I cannot imagine knowing that you are a lesbian and still being able to do all that? Mind you she is 29 and had already dated men before and knew it wasn’t for her.

I’m a lesbian and recently went through a breakup that completely shattered my trust and I genuinely don’t know if I’m overreacting.

While we were together my ex‘s guy friend flirted with her physically while knowing she was with me, including touching her thigh (they had kissed multiple times before we even met). She admitted she “shouldn’t have given him the impression it was okay,” but still wanted to meet him alone afterward. Another was a male relative that was flirting with her to which she admitted she enjoyed, but then blocked him when she realized.

After we broke up, she kissed both of them multiple times and even became sexually involved one night. She got one of them off some days after we had started talking again, and she was sexting me from his place and telling me she was home alone. She was drunk that night and I don’t know how to feel about that. It feels like they might have taken advantage. She also acted “like a girlfriend” with him and said she thought it felt “nice.”

What confuses me most is that she still identifies as lesbian and says she never actually wanted men, that she just couldn’t emotionally or physically deal with women after our breakup and was trying to cope/get over me in unhealthy ways and they were the easiest options.

Now she wants to get back together and is very apologetic and remorseful and even disgusted at the thought of what she did. I do believe she loves me. But I cannot stop thinking about all of this and it honestly makes me feel sick and emotionally cheated on. I can’t believe she did those things I would have never expected that from her.

For other lesbians:

Would this destroy your trust permanently knowing these men were around during our relationship?

Would you consider this emotional cheating?

And how would you feel about your ex repeatedly getting involved with men like this after a breakup while identifying as lesbian?