▲ 2 r/dadjokes
I have a platform where people pay to watch me drink soda, but never from a bottle.
It’s called OnlyCans.
u/devnodegree — 3 hours ago
u/devnodegree
▲ 110 r/dadjokes
Did you hear about the lawyer who slipped on a banana?
He lost his case on a peel.
u/devnodegree — 1 day ago
▲ 13 r/dadjokes
My uncle finally finished an underground water storage solution he’s been working on for years.
I told him “well done.”
u/devnodegree — 4 days ago
▲ 184 r/dadjokes
There was a time I was so broke that I couldn’t pay my electricity bills.
Those were the darkest days of my life.
u/devnodegree — 5 days ago
▲ 22 r/dadjokes
Someone just called my phone, sneezed and hung up.
I’m getting sick and tired of these cold calls.
u/devnodegree — 6 days ago
▲ 443 r/dadjokes
I used to think orthopedic shoes were overrated.
I stand corrected.
u/devnodegree — 6 days ago
▲ 241 r/dadjokes
My friend asked me if I could name two structures that hold water.
I was like “Well dam.”
u/devnodegree — 7 days ago
▲ 93 r/dadjokes
To whoever stole my giant wall clock:
You messed up BIG time.
u/devnodegree — 7 days ago
▲ 17 r/dadjokes
I was going to tell a railroad joke
But I lost my train of thought.
u/devnodegree — 7 days ago
▲ 43 r/dadjokes
An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river. “What did you do that for?” Asked a passing giraffe.
“Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago.” “Wow, what a memory,” commented the giraffe. “Yes,” said the elephant, “turtle recall”.
u/devnodegree — 7 days ago
▲ 7 r/dadjokes
A woodpecker visited the Petrified Forest.
He said it was impeccable.
u/devnodegree — 7 days ago
▲ 115 r/dadjokes
Why can’t two elephants swim at the same time?
They only have one pair of trunks.
u/devnodegree — 8 days ago
▲ 1.0k r/dadjokes
A neurologist was diagnosing a man who had lost the ability to do basic math. "What's 9 plus 9?" "12". "What's 8 and 8?" "10". The doctor shook his head. "Very interesting. What about 6 times 5?" The man thought for a second and answered "1E".
"Aha, I've figured it out!" The doctor said. "Somebody's clearly put a hex on you."
u/devnodegree — 8 days ago
▲ 419 r/dadjokes
Doctor: “Do you want the good news or the bad news?” Me: “Good news.”
Doctor: “You’ll be able to park wherever you want.”
u/devnodegree — 12 days ago