u/dialamah

Is best day, today! I got good advice here in my udder post, and got me a pawyer. Dey sent dis Seese and Desist letter .. and I gets da grass!

DA CASE OV MOLLY V. PAWRENTS (2026)

FURST CLASS LAW FIRM OV BORK BORK & ASSOCIATES

Speshulizing in Yard Access, Snack Deprivashun, and Injustiss

SEESE AN DESIST ORDR

(Very Ofishul, Do Not Ignor, I Meen It)

To: Da Pawrents

Frum: Molly, Plantiff, Good Girl, Esq.

Re: DA GRASS SITUASHUN

We is riting on behalf ov our cliant, Molly (hereinafter "da Good Girl," "da Plaintif," or "WHO'S A GOOD GIRL, IS IT YOU??"). She has retaind us to pursoo MAXIMIM JUSTISS.

DA FACKS OV DA CASE:

Dar was yard. BIG yard. HOLE yard. Dis is dokumented in Molly's memory banks (very relyable, excep wen squirrel happen).

Pawrents did construkt a FENCE. Insid da existin yard. Dis is called "fens within fens" and is DOUBLE CRIME.

Behind said fens: GRASS. Lush. Soft. Rolly. Smelling of earf and worms and FREEDUM. Molly can SEE it. She can SMEL it. She canNOT access it. Dis constitutes EMOSHUNUL DAMIJ.

Pawrents cited "4 to 6 weeks." Da Court will note dat 4 to 6 weeks is FOREBER in dog time, which is da only time dat matters in dis jurissdikshun.

CHARGES BROT:

* Unlawful Grass Witholdin (Felony, Furst Degree)

* Deprivashun ov Sunbakin Privileges

* Emotional Distres frum Visible But Inaccessibol Rollin Surface

* Construkshun ov Unnecessry Fens (Aggravated)

* Saying "4 to 6 weeks" wif strayt fase

DAMIJIS SOUGHT:

Da Good Girl is seekin da following remedies frum da Court:

1. IMEEDYUT seese an desist ov all fence-adjacint smugness

2. One (1) chimkin, hole, not shredded (dis is for emoshunul support durin litigashun)

3. Acses to grass, COMPLEET, wifout escort or "gentle redirectin"

4. Treatos: a pile. Size TBD by Molly. Court defer to her judgment.

5. One (1) squeaky tug toy, NEW, not da deflated sad wun

6. Formal apology, deliverd wif belly rubs, NO EXCEPTIONS

7. Punitive cheez. Obvussly.

LEGAL PRESEDINT:

Da Court will note dat in Floofer v. Backyard Restricshuns (2019), da tribunal found dat "a dog what can SEE da grass is a dog what DESRVES da grass." Dis is binding. We lukt it up. Mostly.

SEESE AN DESIST ORDR:

Pawrents is hereby orderd to IMEEDYUTLY:

Stop pointin at da grass and sayin "soon"

Stop usin da werd "recovery" like it eksplains evryting

Provid interim rollin surface (blankit wif outside smells acceptable as temprary measur)

Stop lukin so calm about dis. Dis is CRISIS.

Faylyur to comply will result in escalashun to:

Mournful eyes (Level 1)

Da Sigh (Level 2)

Sittin wif back turnd to pawrents (Level 3, Nuclear Opshun)

IN KONKLUSHUN:

Da Good Girl did not choose dis fite. Da fite was brort to HER, by DA FENCE. She stands redy to negoshiate, but only if negoshiashuns involve treats up front, no conditions, grass acses imeedyut, and also more treats.

Justice is bork.

Bork Bork & Associates canot be held responsibul if Molly settles case erly for one (1) chimkin and a nap in da sun. We know our cliant.

Filed dis day, in da Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Twenty Siks, in da District Ov Da Big Feelin

Hi!! I is Molly!!

I needs halp finded best lawyer. I gots big case an I is gonna win SO much stuff. Like chimkins. An treatos. An cheese (da good kind, not da singuls kind, I deserb beter). An squeaky tug toys. Maybe all da squeaky tug toys. We will see wat da judge say.

Ok so hear is wat happen.

I had BIG yard. Lotsa room for runnin an gettin baked in da sun which is my RITE as a dog an also my hobby an also my job. Den pawrents go an put up lil fence an takes away da BIGEST part!! An on da uder side of da fence??

GRASS.

GRASS, fwends. Lush, soft, roly, smelly, delishus GRASS. Made by da universe speshul for rollin in an scratchin back an pressin face into an just,,, layin dere wif da sun on ur belly u know??

BUT I NOT ALLOWED ANY OF IT. NONE. ZERO. ILLEGAL.

Dey say weird hooman words like “4 to 6 weeks.”. EXCUSE ME?? Dat same as FOREBER. I did math. Dat is not a timeline, dat is a SENTENCE.

So furst I needs like a seese an desist order or wateber while I builds da case. Den I wants FULL access to da grass an also a ginormous pile of compensashun for wat I has sufferd.

Has anyone used a good doggo lawyer?? Prefrably one who takes payment in zoomies or at leest understands dat I is very serious bout dis an not just bein dramatic.

I is not bein dramatic.

(I is a lil dramatic but da injustiss is REEL)

Tanks fwends