u/dietcokw

so i know trauma can often appear in dreams, but i've never been raped, i was sexually abused by my dad when i was younger, but it wasn't penetration, just him coercing child-me into touching him.

but last night i had a nightmare in which multiple of my friends from school, all of which were guys, held me down on my own bed and raped me. i don't remember much, i just remember them standing over me, the screaming for them to stop, my clothes being forcefully taken off, waking up crying and feeling incredibly violated as if it was something that had really happened. i normally look up my strange dreams, to see if they signify anything or could have any sort of meaning, but i can't find much on the internet as to what this would mean. i'm still sort of shaken, i ran into one of said guys at school today and literally just burst into tears when he tried to talk to me.

So my mom is across the country for work, and she has been for about a week now. My dad normally drives me to school on the way to work, because where i live isn't the most accessible by public transport, and it would take almost two hours if i got the bus to school. Its exam week, i have an exam every day this week starting at 7.15am. Both today and yesterday, my dad has purposely waited until i was showering, brushing my teeth, just generally busy getting ready for school, etc, to leave for work. He also drives my sister to school, and both today and yesterday, he hasn't so much as let me know he was leaving, or given me a chance to come with him.

We don't have any chance of retakes for these exams, i've already missed my english and religion exams because of this. We leave the school directly after the exams aswell, so the school day during exam week is literally just 7.15am to 9.30am. And so if i were to try and get the bus to school, chances are i'd get there after the school day ended. And i wouldn't be able to sit the exams anyway, because you aren't allowed in if you're late. I don't know what to do, i have a feeling this is going to happen tomorrow aswell.

Last night, i wasnt asked if i wanted anything before he went grocery shopping, and he also dumped my still-wet, clean washing out of the washing machine, and onto the floor, not telling me he'd taken it out, or bothering to atleast dump it into a laundry basket or move it to the dryer. My mom only gets back on friday, i dont know what to do till then.

so im 17, used to live a two minute walk down the road from my best friends house, we used to see eachother multiple times a week. we met in seventh grade, when both of us were new to the school we were at and didn't have any other friends. since then, we've always been close, even when we both moved schools multiple times, and weren't at the same school anymore, in fact i went to school about an hour away from her school, and she'd still meet me at my school occasionally. she's my only friend right now, i consider her my best friend, and she's always called me her best friend too, but recently, i moved houses, and i'm about a ten minute drive away. bit over half an hour on public transport.

everytime i've asked if she was free, or if she wanted to come over—because she still hasn't seen my new house even though i've been here two months—she has 'family stuff', or she's already doing something with another friend. she has a single mom, no siblings, all her extended family is in another country. i highly doubt she has family stuff going on twice a week. i get the distance isn't as convenient as it used to be, and she doesn't have her license yet, but i do. everytime i've asked, i've offered to pick her up at her place, meet her at the bus stop or to just come over to hers instead. i would happily travel the distance, even on public transport, and i'd like to think she would too, because aren't friends supposed to be able to make sacrifices for their friends? the sacrifice being thirty minutes on public transport. we still talk a lot, messages, sending eachother tiktoks, but she seems to be avoiding seeing me completely and i dont know what to do, seeing as i dont really have anyone else right now.

sometimes she'll say she's free on a certain day and we'll make plans. but when i ask on the day, she's already out with one of her other friends, or she doesn't feel like it, and it feels like she isn't even considering me. i understand that things come up, but every single time, she's doing something else. and, when i make plans with someone, i don't go and do things with other people at the time of the plans, just because that's more convenient, and if i did, i wouldn't wait for them to ask where i am, i'd tell them as soon as possible so they aren't waiting up for me.