A Sad Update (TW: Death and a Very Neglected Animal)
On Wednesday of last week I posted for advice here on a rescue beardie I would be picking up later that day. Nothing really prepared me for what I was picking up. This is mostly a vent post. I am experiencing so many emotions right now and I know this will be a sad read. Viewer discretion is advised I guess.
He was very sick and that was clear from the beginning. I held him the whole drive home. I didn’t really understand at that point the state he was in. I gave him a warm soak to no reaction. He didn’t attempt to drink, couldn’t hold his head up. I had to do that for him. In the morning I drove him to the vet. There was no denying that this animal had been severely neglected for a very long time. His calcium, his blood glucose, his blood cell count, all of it was low. In fact, his blood cell count was an 8, it’s supposed to be 30. 30% of a bearded dragons blood is supposed to be blood cells, his was 8%. He had impaired kidney functions from severe dehydration. Still I decided to try, the vet saw a small chance and I wanted to believe in it. I told myself if he showed no improvement, that I’d schedule his euthanasia for Monday. It was the humane way I could go about it.
I syringe fed him a diluted meat based baby food on the vet’s orders. Gave him calcium shots every morning. A warm soak, even if he wasn’t drinking. When I wasn’t there to thermoregulate for him I left his tub at an 86. Everything according to the care guide laid out by the doctor. And for a bit, he seemed more active. He stole my heart. After his tub time I would cuddle with him to make sure he didn’t get cold. He would cuddle closer when I would try to move him. He even had a bout of what I can only assume to be his version of post poop zoomies after he pooped on my hand. I had allowed myself to have hope. I even made his appointment for Friday so he could get his second iron shot.
This morning he seemed more drowsy when I went to feed him and give him his shot. I thought nothing of it, went about my day. I came back later and he was gone. I am a soft person, I pour myself into all I try to do. And I tried, at the end I hope he knew it.
I wish I had a good update. I wish I could have done more. To Cleophus, you stinky bastard… I miss you. I hope you know at least one person cared about you. I knew this was a possibility but I’m sorry I wasn’t right next to you, comforting you when you passed on. I’m not cut out for rescue but I’m glad I tried for you. I’m glad I got the privilege to hold you for the briefest moment. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you.