u/dinonuggz555

When I (20F) was a sophomore in high school, both of my parents were involved in a severe car accident that ultimately led to my mother’s death. Ever since then, my relationship with my father (46M) has completely fallen apart.
For some background, I am the youngest of four children. At the time of the accident, I was the only child still living at home and attending school. All of my older siblings had already moved out and started their own lives. Because of that, I was left alone to return home every day to a house filled with grief, trauma, and the overwhelming absence of my mother. On top of trying to process losing her, I was suddenly forced to live with a father I had never been particularly close to in the first place.
Very quickly, I felt like I was expected to replace my mom in the household. I became responsible for cooking, cleaning, laundry, yard work, paying bills downtown, and taking care of the house — all while attending school full-time and grieving the loss of my mother. I felt abandoned emotionally by my father during the hardest period of my life. I was expected to handle adult responsibilities and act mature beyond my years, yet anytime I wanted independence or wanted to make decisions for myself, I was reminded that I was “still a child.”
As time went on, our relationship only became worse. About a year and a half after my mother passed away, I found out my father had started dating someone new. At first, he lied about it, but eventually he introduced us to her. I’ll call her Penelope (44F). She lived about an hour away from us, and over time my father began spending more and more time with her. From the beginning, I knew I wasn’t going to like her. Everything felt too fast, and it was painful watching someone new step into a place connected to my mother’s memory.
About six months into their relationship, I accidentally discovered that my father was planning to marry her. I was using the family computer when I noticed his email was still open. I saw receipts for both a wedding venue and a wedding dress. I was completely shocked. I immediately called my sisters, and we spent hours talking about how hurtful it was that he had hidden something so major from us.
What hurt even more was that my father didn’t officially tell us about the engagement until nearly four months after I had already discovered it myself. Things remained somewhat manageable until they actually got married. Once Penelope had my father’s last name, it felt like she suddenly believed she could step into the role of my mother and tell me how to live my life.
They got married one month into my freshman year of college. By the end of my first semester, I already knew I wanted to distance myself from both of them. Their behavior toward me had become emotionally exhausting and toxic. I tried multiple times to explain how badly my mental health had been suffering and how much I was struggling in college, but my feelings never seemed to matter. They only cared about my grades, my performance, and outward success — never about how I was actually doing emotionally.
Eventually, I decided I wanted to cut contact with them, but there’s one major complication. When my mother died, all of my siblings received life insurance payouts except for me. Because I was still a minor at the time, the money intended for me was placed into an account under my father’s name. Now, the only way I can access that money is through him and his permission.
I want to move on and separate myself from both him and his wife, but at the same time, I don’t want to lose money that came from my mother and was meant for me. I’ve considered getting a lawyer involved and possibly taking legal action, but I’m not sure I could afford it. Right now, I honestly don’t know what the best decision is.

I also do want to say, but there is a lot more instances and more drama as to why I want to cut them off. I just thought it would be way too long to put it in this.

Please let me know if you have any suggestions or ideas of what to do.