(26M) I feel like my bf isn’t attracted to me
My boyfriend (23M) and I have been together for four months, although we talked for over a year before making it official. He lives two hours away, but I drive to see him weekly, and we fall asleep on the phone every night we’re not together. We’re even moving to another state together next month. He makes me feel very loved (in fact, he was the first to say the L word, and we tell each other every day), and just being in his presence makes me the happiest boy alive.
But I can’t get rid of this gnawing feeling that he isn’t physically attracted to me.
I wouldn’t say I’m an unattractive guy. I think I’m pretty alright, and on occasion I even think I’m kinda hot. But I do struggle with OCD, as well as body image issues, which often affect my perception of myself. I’ve confided in my bf about these things, and he’s very understanding and reassuring. He tells me all the time how handsome, sexy, and beautiful he thinks I am. But that gnawing part of me finds it hard to accept.
We’re each other’s first serious relationship, but before me he hooked up with several guys. They were mostly tall jock/frat boy types (he’s in college), and more dominant and masculine than I am. I’m 5’7”, and while I work out and have a decent build, I’m not afraid to eat and don’t have washboard abs. Also, while I wouldn’t consider myself especially feminine, I’m not macho and I don’t have a dominant personality. I’ve been told I’m “soft” and a “golden retriever” boyfriend, which is where my insecurities begin.
Before me, my boyfriend primarily bottomed, but he refuses to do so for me, despite my having a preference for topping. At first he said it was because he just didn’t want to bottom anymore, which I understood. But I had a feeling it was something more, and he eventually told me it’s because he couldn’t see himself bottoming for a guy like me (i.e., not dominant). It makes me question why he’s with me in the first place.
Again, he makes me feel very loved and he reassures me constantly. But if I’m clearly not his type, what am I doing here, you know? I try not to let these feelings consume me, and I try to trust that he’s being honest when he says he loves me the way I am, because I love him too and don’t want to sabotage what we have, but it’s so hard when I feel like I’m not what he truly wants…