My boyfriend fantasized about girls
My boyfriend and I live together. Starting around January 2026 until the first week of May, he admitted that he was fantasizing about other girls — girls that I personally know, including some mutual friends. He said he would sometimes look at their pictures and fantasize about them because he felt “bitin” or sexually unsatisfied.
After we would have sex 2–3 times, he said he still felt unsatisfied because of my reactions and dryness. Because of that, he started having urges to fantasize about other girls to reassure himself that he was still good sexually. Instead of communicating properly with me about what he was feeling, he handled it in a very unhealthy way.
I only discovered everything during the first week of May when I randomly checked his phone. He was completely caught off guard because he knows I’m usually too lazy to check his phone. After I found out, he immediately became determined to change. He removed all his social media accounts, started controlling his thoughts more, and even when I keep bringing it up or asking about it, he keeps saying he genuinely wants to change himself.
When I asked him why he did it, he said he felt guilty the whole time. He claimed there were many moments when he wanted to admit it to me, but he was too weak and scared. He also admitted that part of him became curious about what it would feel like to have sex with someone else and whether they would be satisfied with him, which is why the fantasizing continued.
But after seeing how deeply hurt I was when I discovered everything, and after we finally communicated honestly about our sex life, he realized how selfish and stupid his actions were. He said he now understands why I became emotionally and physically distant at times.
What hurts me the most is this: if I never checked his phone, would he have ever admitted it?
He told me he wanted to confess before, but he grew up in a family where admitting mistakes usually led to anger and conflict, so he became afraid of opening up. He also admitted that before our relationship, he used to fantasize a lot, but this was the first time it happened again while being in a committed relationship.
The confusing part is that outside of this issue, he has genuinely been a loving and caring partner. He takes care of me, supports me, and treats me well. That’s why I’m struggling so much.
This is my first time experiencing something like this, and I absolutely hate cheating. Cheating has always been my non-negotiable and turning point in relationships. Even though I’m trying to understand his side and why he did it, I still can’t fully accept the fact that I now have a boyfriend who emotionally betrayed me.
Do you think his change is genuine? Does someone like this deserve a second chance? Is trust even possible to rebuild after this?