u/dragonflyssp

Slept on the roof of my parent's house last night and was able to work with my 3rd eye. It felt fuzzy, mushy, but its a relief and an accomplishment to begin energy work again.

This was some time ago. I was on the road, traveling with very little after losing some stuff.

Was holed up inside a barn outside of a rural town during a spring rainstorm. On my walk out of town I found a hawk - I believe it was a Sharp Shinned Hawk - and carried his body, intending to either bury or eat him.

Instead I decided to use his body as a sacrifice. I have no history of occultism and had never consciously done anything like this before, and did not examine my motives or what may have been influencing me at the time.

I separated his head, wings, torso and legs, and used them as parts of an altar while fasting for 3 days in that barn.

I wish that I had not.

Hello all,

This is a serious question and I do not want any sympathy or sugarcoating.

I have gone around and around the wheel. I know. I have tried to break the wheel and failed. I have tried to escape the wheel, only to give in to fear and let the archon and parasites drag me back into my putrified, half shed skin. I know myself well enough to believe that I don't have the time or energy to run again, or to get anywhere other than right back where i started if I did.

I see the anguish and confusion that my failure spreads. In a pivotal moment in the awakening and birthing of a new world, would it be better to take myself out rather than hold us back?

I'm sick of watching myself become what I once swore to tear down and replace. The shame is unbearable.

This one has been a long time coming. I know that it's pretty out of pocket to post something like this, but I plan on ending my life very soon and want to get this story out somehow before I go.

In December of 2019, I was an angry teenager with energy. I thought myself to be an environmental radical, and spent enough time reading, daydreaming, and playing guerilla to be a danger to myself and not really anybody else.

From my internet reading, I learned how almost the entirety of the global economy's rubber supply was grown in one place - Thailand. I read about Henry Ford's attempts to run a rubber plantation in south america, and how, again and again, the trees were killed by a local fungus, Microcelius Ulei.

I traveled to central america and found what I believed to be a tree that had been infected by this fungus. I took several of its leaves with me to Thailand.

For one month, I traveled by train from Bangkok to the Myanmar border, "planting" these leaves. I went into the most accessible rubber plantations, climbed into the lower canopies of rubber trees, and taped infected leaves among the branches.

My intention was to introduce this fungus to Thailand and knock out the world's rubber supply, in an attempt to disrupt the global industrial complex. I tried to break the wheel.

Had a dream that there were monks in black hoodies walking around town. Seemed reassuring somehow. I almost never share my dreams anymore but it felt meaningful to post this here.