u/dst8617

Hi, everyone. I'm looking for an outside perspective on a situation that has left me confused and hurt. I'd appreciate advice on how to handle things from here.

Some background:

I (26M) have known Odelia (25F) since we were around 10 or 11. We grew up as neighbours and were close friends throughout middle and high school. We dated in high school but broke up amicably when we went to different universities. That was almost a decade ago.

Our families are also close. Although neither family lives in our old neighbourhood anymore, they still celebrate festivals and national holidays together. Odelia and I have remained good friends, talking roughly twice a week as we've gotten busier with work and studies. I'm finishing graduate school, while she works at a publishing house in the city where she went to university.

The situation:

Arranged marriages are relatively common in our culture, although they range from family members introducing people to each other to much more coercive arrangements. In my experience, my family's approach has been the former.

I'm currently the oldest unmarried cousin on my father's side, so marriage comes up at family gatherings, usually in a joking manner. I've always made it clear that I'd prefer to find my own partner, and my family hasn't seriously pushed back on that, although I know my grandparents would like to see all their grandchildren married before their health starts to deteriorate.

This July, I was visiting home for a week when my parents and grandparents sat me down to discuss something that turned out to be a marriage proposal. I was prepared to turn it down immediately, but my father asked me to hear him out. He then revealed that the proposal had come from Odelia's mother and was for Odelia and me to get married.

I was shocked and upset. I'd spoken to Odelia the previous night, and she hadn't mentioned anything. I couldn't tell whether she'd known about the proposal and kept it from me or whether our families had been discussing this without her involvement.

I left the conversation and tried to contact her, but she didn't respond. The subject wasn't brought up again during the rest of my visit, and things were left unresolved.

After I returned to graduate school, Odelia began avoiding my calls and messages. I assumed she'd found out about the proposal and needed space, so I didn't push her. I tried to put the whole situation aside and focus on my thesis.

Yesterday, however, I received a roughly ten-minute voice message from her. To summarise, she said:

- She had known about the proposal and expected me to accept it.

- She felt hurt and rejected by my refusal.

- She felt that I'd been stringing her along for years.

There was more to the message, but those were the main points. After sending it, she appears to have blocked me on everything.

I'm struggling to understand where this came from. Odelia and I have joked and talked about arranged marriages before, and we've both expressed that we didn't want one, regardless of circumstances. We've also dated other people seriously over the years and have been open about those relationships with each other.

As far as I can remember, we haven't had a romantic conversation since our first year of university. I never understood our friendship to involve any expectation that we'd eventually get back together or marry each other.

I'd really like to salvage our friendship if that's possible. She's been a part of my life for so long that losing the friendship like this is painful. At the same time, I don't believe I did anything wrong by declining a marriage proposal I hadn't agreed to, and I don't want to circumvent her blocks by creating new accounts to contact her.

My father has since expressed regret and said he should have stopped the proposal from reaching me in the first place. My family hasn't raised the subject again, but Odelia's family has cut off contact with me and mine.

I spoke briefly to one friend about this today, and they advised me to leave the situation alone, block Odelia in return, and move on. Maybe this is the most sensible option, but I'm finding it difficult to accept that a friendship spanning so many years could end this abruptly, apparently over an expectation I didn't even know existed.

How would you approach this? Is there a respectful way to leave the door open for reconciliation without violating her boundaries or ignoring my own feelings?

TL;DR: My childhood best friend (25F) expected me (26M) to accept an arranged marriage proposal from her family, despite us having been platonic for years. I declined, and she accused me of stringing her along before blocking me everywhere. How do I respect her boundaries while leaving the door open for reconciliation?