u/eamakam

I was feeling bad about my weight because I gained a few lbs in recovery, but good about my finances because I finally paid all my bills comfortably this month. I've got a lot of debts and bills because I pay out of pocket for my grandmother's many needed health surgeries... US based if it wasn't obvious by that.

And then I got pulled over this morning on the way to work for going barely above the speed limit. $$$ ticket. My first ticket. Honestly, I cried in my car for a while before going into the office because I don't have the money for that. Nothing liquid, I'll have to find somewhere to get a small loan. With my awful credit from all the debts I have. I thought about not paying it and going to the court hearing to argue that it wasn't an insane number over the speed limit and should be dismissed. I don't want to tell my grandmother about it because it'll stress her out, and it's MOTHER'S DAY weekend. How could I, I'd be an awful granddaughter. I've never told her how much we are struggling anyways, I don't want her to feel like a burden to me. So, I read the entire ticket after my cry sesh and the officer guessed my weight as A LOT lower than it actually is. He thinks I'm skinnyyy skinny. (:

Now I'm feeling good about my weight but bad about my finances lol. I can laugh at it, but I am worried about relapsing because of the financial stress. Part of my ED was choosing gas over food, working 10hrs straight no breaks no food, focusing everything on money and ignoring/destroying my mind and body.

My weekend plans are looking for a 3rd job or small loan if possible by a miracle. I don't know why I still try honestly. Life is like whack a mole and my arm is too tired to play.