Conflicted
I'm a 20 year old college student. It's been a goal of mine ever since I was 15 to become a United States Marine. I've done my best to become physically fit and pass the IST in that time.
I also happen to struggle a lot with mental health. Since the start of the New Year, my self-esteem has been at an all time low and I don't even go outside anymore unless to do the bare minimum, and I've struggled a lot with eating disorders. I don't socialize with anyone anymore except my own family and the people at my RSS.
I have actively refused to seek treatment for my mental health and my disordered eating behaviors that I use ultimately to make height and weight and keep my weight managed. I don't want to give up on this dream though, I've already lost well over 100 pounds in the past 2 years and have been PTing for months on end to be ready to go to MCRD SD and earn the title.
I have an otherwise clean medical background - I've already been cleared by MEPS. However, that could easily be ruined if I decide to go to a therapist, psychiatrist, etc. which would get pulled by Genesis show up at MEPS, and almost certainly derail my goal of becoming a Marine. This means a lot to me, and I’ve been trying to toughen it out.
I would really appreciate any new perspective by anyone else as I don't want to confide in anyone that I know in real life about this.