I (27M) and my girlfriend (25F) broke up after 3.5 years and I am drowning in self guilt. How do I move on?
TLDR: Broke up because I wasn't putting in requisite efforts to prioritize GF amidst work and family demands. I am feeling guilty beyond measure. Need help moving on. She is fine moving on.
We had been dating for 3.5 years of which almost last 3 years were long distance - me in India (our home country) and she in Germany for her masters. She is still a student completing her thesis whereas I have been working in finance since 2022. This is our first proper relationship.
We started dating in Jan 2023. We used to stay 30 kms apart so we would not meet very often but twice a month minimum. In Feb 23 my mom got diagnosed with cancer Stage 3 and being a nuclear family of me mom n dad - I started spending time there. I was in a hybrid role up to Dec 23 so managing time between family and girlfriend was easy. Then from July 2024 I joined an organisation that's like 50 kms away and requires 2 hrs a side travel.
In 2025 and more in 2026 I feel like I have been prioritizing work more because I've been trying hard to move up the corp ladder. My mom's cancer came back in 2025 after being cured in 2023 August and she is worse health wise. She asks me to sit with her at nights before sleeping so that we spend time with each other because she believes she does not have a lot of time left.
My gf and I used to mainly talk at night before me sleeping (3.5 hrs gap). Some days that time is not available. She asked me to plan dates over weekends which I have not been very successful in planning.
On her 25th birthday (Jan 26), she flew to India and I got her flowers and cake when she flew in but I forgot to get her a cake on her birthday. Earlier - there have been occasions when I said that we would watch a movie on zoom call at X time - and I missed that time due to some reason - and ended up coming on call very late like an hour late.
Recently, I asked for a break because I had a lot of things going in office - so I wanted a weekend break. She blocked me during the break and I could not stay blocked (could not stay away without talking)- realised my mistake and begged her to unblock me and that I would not take a break again.
2 weeks later - my mom's scan report came very bad (stage 4 cancer spreading) and we thought that she has less time left. I went back to my gf and asked for a week's break so that I can decide how I want to divide time. I need to learn a lot of things from mom and spend time with her, hence.
Post the break - my gf is very clear that she wants to break up - she has not been treated well over the past couple of years and was really relieved during the break. I am drowning in guilt - I am partially to blame for not prioritizing her but the other part of it is that I was helpless multiple times. This is a crucial year career wise (this and maybe next) and my mom literally has advanced stage cancer. At times I have simply wanted to relax alone without talking to anyone else.
But I am drowning in guilt because she is the love of my life and I was planning to have a future with her by getting married in India in 2028, but now she is clear that she wants to have a career in Germany.
I don't know how to move on. All my peace is shattered and I feel like not doing anything and just lying down daily. Please if someone could guide me, instead of saying how guilty I am. She is not at fault.. but i feel that I should not be punished here and I am maybe looking for validation. Thank you!