Dealing with drug resistant depression and anxiety
Straight to the point, I live in the US. I can’t afford insurance. I don’t know what to do. I have severe anxiety that, at least for me, leads to depression, and I can’t find a doctor or nurse practitioner that I can afford, that will help.
I’ve had insurance in the past, and I’ve mostly worked with a primary care physician. They’ve never truly listened, but I’ve received prescriptions that helped from time to time, but it wasn’t ever effective enough to be a true solution. I also recognize there might not be a solution, but I have to try.
In the meantime, after two decades of SSRIs, NDRIs, off label supplements for those drugs that include antipsychotics, nothing has ever worked long term. And I don’t mean a forever solution, I’d be happy with just a year.
I have hit a wall. I’m having anxiety and panic attacks frequently. I don’t know if there’s a distinction in medical terms, but for me panic attacks are when nothing real is threatening, but I have a flight or fight response. I start to hyperventilate, become hyper vigilant, and can’t stop feeling like something catastrophic is about me to kill me. I’ve had this happen while driving, and I started to lose feeling in my hands, and started getting tunnel vision. I’ve missed work because I had to pull over until it stops. Worse are anxiety attacks, for me that’s when a feeling of dread starts and just builds until I’m crying in a corner and basically living a nightmare until it stops, and then I sob until I get it all out. Last time, I was at the grocery store with my sister, and three minutes in, I told her to give me her keys because I had to hide. I curled up in the back seat of her car and cried until I couldn’t anymore. She’s used to it, so she bought her groceries while texting to ask if we should go home.
All of that to say, the last two doctors that I can’t afford, have denied any kind of anxiety medication. The first told me to start back on Wellbutrin and Seroquel because that’s what the last doctor prescribed. When I protested, and told her it wasn’t working, she said we’d start there, but to call the office immediately if I felt like it wasn’t working, and since I didn’t have insurance, a nurse would let her know and she’d call in a different prescription. I called and was told that she doesn’t take calls like this and she wouldn’t even be told. I threw a fit until they finally made me take an appointment to get me on Buspirone. They stopped giving refills six months later, and I can’t have more refills even though that was the longest I’ve gone without any kind of anxiety crisis.
So I found another doctor. To three different people in the office, I explained that while depression is an issue, the anxiety is keeping me from work, from family events, from having any semblance of a normal life. I made it very clear that anxiety was why I was there, that Buspirone has been the only successful medication that has helped and if we didn’t do anything else, that’s all I needed. She wanted me to stay on the Wellbutrin and Seroquel for depression, but suggested that we increase the dosage of Buspirone. That sounded great! So I shared that I didn’t really feel like the Wellbutrin or Seroquel were helping, but I understood that a secondary med often helps Wellbutrin work better. I asked if a different supplement could help. She told me I couldn’t afford what she wanted to suggest but fluoxetine might be better than the Seroquel. I was all for it. I left thinking I’d be on a higher dosage of Buspirone, and change the Seroquel to fluoxetine.
That’s not what I was prescribed. And I wasn’t even told before the pharmacy informed me. I got a prescription for fluoxetine at the smallest dosage. No Wellbutrin, no Buspirone, no anything for anxiety. When I called I was again told that communication with the doctor was impossible and the note in my file was that the decision was final and I could come back in four weeks for another appointment I can’t afford.
I’m sorry that was so long, but the details matter to me.
My question is, what on earth do I do for help? Why is Buspirone so difficult to get? It’s not addictive, it’s not Xanax, and from what I understand it’s incredibly therapeutic for many, many people. I’m not drug seeking. Buspirone can’t get me high. It just keeps me from hiding in terror for no reason.
How do I advocate for myself and get the treatment I need?