He cheated, we broke up, but I have so many questions
I could really use some encouraging words, advice, or speak with anyone who’s been in a remotely similar situation.
TLDR: My ex cheated on me (physically and emotionally) and still wants me back. What am I missing?
Strap in. I (28f) had been with my partner (28M) for two years. It was a fast two years- like we went on our first date and literally moved in together (he’s military lol). So though it was shorter, we had a life together already. In March of 2025, I found messages on his phone that were sexual. From what I can find, it was only every through messages and nothing ever left the internet. It still fucking broke me. I started my own therapy, but he went underway for 3 months on the ship literally 2 days later so there wasn’t much time to work on himself. Though we both decided we wanted to work on things. Our relationship from July-November was good. Not great, but I knew he was stressed because he was deploying in November for the first time and he was nervous and busy. But I could see he was trying to prioritize me through it all.
He deploys November of 2025. We’re keeping communication as best as we can but I can tell he’s struggling mentally. At the end of December he finally tells me he is. And by January, he’s telling me he’s developed a crush on someone at work but he’s trying his best to behave which is why he’s trying to be honest with me. Fucking broke me all over again, but I continued healing and trusted him. Then last month, I’m in his email and find that he had made a Hinge account in December. Fucking ouch. Then he FINALLY comes clean that the girl he had a crush on? Well they were actually “intimate.” At this point I’m fucking done, but I also have no clue what that means so I go straight to the source. I message the other woman and she tells me that he actually told the entire ship he and I were separated. He was hitting on her relentlessly, they had sex, then she denied him emotionally and he became really depressed. There it fucking is.
My guess of the timeline? He was done with me when he left, thought he could get something else or something better, couldn’t, and came crawling back with his tail tucked between his legs in January.
I haven’t talked to him since I found out. And let me be clear: I’m not getting back together with this man. I’m in my healing/grieving phase and I’m just left so confused (among other things lol). It’s so crazy seeing someone who you THOUGHT you knew and who knew you so intimately basically live a double life. Obviously no one can answer as to why this man did the things he did, but would just love some perspective, tips, anything. I also want to say there’s no judgement here: I’d love to hear from people who have cheated and people who’ve been cheated on. Anything helps