u/emptyshapes

Backstory:

Transitioning into vacation mode has been a difficult process.

Since our arrival in New Zealand, I feel like I've still been stuck in work mode. I haven't been able to relax. And I'm struggling to enjoy our time here.

The first culprit was that both me and my partner worked until the Friday leading up to our trip. We spent the whole weekend absorbed in last-minute preparations and headed towards the other side of the world first thing Monday. After a few days of "rest" following our arrival in Auckland, we immediately began our way down towards the southern island.

The other issue has been our pacing. There's just so much to see here, and we didn't want to miss out, so we ended up planning lots of stops on our way to Christchurch. Although one of our goals for this trip was to get started on side projects (art, photography, writing, poetry), we hardly found the time to work on anything...

Since the start of this trip I've been holding onto the idea that I needed to be productive. After all, I didn't want to "waste" all this free time we had. So as the days went by, I became increasingly frustrated at my lack of progress, and eventually I began to mull over the lack of progress in my life in general.

For a few weeks I was caught in a game of tug-of-war, with my mind pulling in opposite directions. By then we had reached our halfway point at Abel Tasman National Park, where we stayed at a stunning campground called Old McDonald's. Although it was such a beautiful place, I was constantly being swept up and dragged back into the past, back towards old fears and anxieties.

On one evening where I was feeling particularly frustrated, I got in the campground shower with the hopes of clearing my mind. I tried to relax and unwind as the hot water poured over me. Whatever I was doing must have partially worked, because in the moment I had a small realisation. Water.

All this time my thoughts have been acting like two giant tides. A deep and dark tide filled with past anxieties, clashing with the lighter tide of current joy. Unless I addressed the issue, I would slowly but surely drown in my own thoughts. In the following days, I had a long discussion with my partner about our trip, how we wanted to spend it and what it meant to us.

Although it was clear that the first few weeks hadn't gone exactly the way we hoped, the good thing was that we could still do something about it. My partner helped me accept the fact that our stay in New Zealand wasn't going to be very productive. Between all the things we wanted to do and see, we just weren't going to have enough time to throw work into the mix.

And that was that. We made a conscious decision to put productivity on hold. We'd treat the next couple of weeks purely as vacation, and get started with work when we arrived in Australia.

Moving forward, the best thing I can do for my sanity is to remember that productivity isn't the most important thing in life. Taking time off is OK. And time spent not working isn't "wasted".

Sometimes the best thing you can do is to completely disconnect and just enjoy yourself.

The benefits of completely disconnecting and enjoying yourself

Until now I haven't even decided what projects I want to work on, or what to do with my art. But I'm glad I kept that door open, as my free time in New Zealand has unexpectedly inspired me.

We've been trying to learn about Māori culture during our stay here, and I've been moved by the artistic tattoo designs of Tā moko, and the traditional patterns of Kōwhaiwhai carved into wood.

I don't know how or when, but I had an idea for my art. The traditional patterns were something I'd never seen before, and it's something I could only experience in New Zealand. The same could be said of other countries and cultures, each with their unique artistic styles. In that spirit, I want to share that uniqueness by creating a piece of art inspired by each country we visit, starting with my first piece of the series in New Zealand.

While trying to think of how I wanted to represent the challenges I've had with my thoughts tugging and pulling my mind in different directions, I remembered how in Abel Tasman we had to be mindful of the tides, as some paths of the coastal hikes become inaccessible with the tidal shifts.

This first piece, Tidal Thoughts, combines the force of the ocean's tides with the Māori pattern of Koru, based on the unfurling spiral of a fern used to represent the idea of perpetual movement.

I made this artwork to represent the passing of time (and being caught in the wake-work-sleep-repeat cycle), but I've been told it looks more like a flag :D

What do you think, does it make a good accidental flag?

It took us almost 30 hours to arrive in New Zealand by flight, with 2 layovers along the way.

During the shuttle bus from Auckland Airport into the CBD, the first thing I noticed was how green, sunny and beautiful everything looked. The next thing I noticed was how exhausted I felt.

Although it was early afternoon here, my body and mind were ready for a good night's sleep. It would take a little while for my internal clock to catch up...

As my body slowly adjusted to the new time zone, I realised how difficult it was for my mind to keep track of what day it was. Was it noon? Or was it is midnight? Should I be waking up, or getting ready for sleep? The days felt like nights and the nights felt like days. Somehow both were blending into each other in a continuous cycle.

In the midst of my daze, I had a weird thought. I realised this wasn't the first time I'd felt that sensation. In fact, I'd been feeling it for months.

For a while my life has felt like a cycle: I wake up in the morning, go through the motions at work, then head right back to bed in the evening, only to repeat everything the next day. Each day has just blended into the next, and the days have gone by in the blink of an eye. It's almost scary to think about how quickly life has been slipping by without me noticing it.

I can't believe it took flying across the world for me to come to that realisation. I was so caught in the day-to-day and had gotten used to the way things were, like a fish in water, I barely registered what was happening around me.

I don't want life to just pass me by. I don't want to wake up one day and wonder where all the time went. But unless I change the way I live, that's exactly what'll happen. What I need to do is to slow down and actually appreciate my surroundings.

Although I'm jet lagged and dizzy, I want to start by reminding myself how extremely lucky I am to be able to take some time off to travel with my partner, and that I don't want to take that for granted.

And I promise to enjoy and remember each day that we have together.

Something feels tangled up inside my body. And any attempt to fix the issue only causes the wires to get even more knotted up.

At night I lay in my bed in the dark. I’m exhausted, but can’t seem to fall asleep. All I can do is think about my worries, anxieties and fears.