My two worst cases of misunderstanding British "slang." What's yours?

American immigrant living in the UK for 13 years now. Word to the wise.. It's fun to try to integrate, but don't repeat every "cool" british slang thing you hear until you know the FULL meaning.

To preface, I know this next bit makes me sounds like a twat but I meant no malice and if you don't know what the word is, I'm not going to say it.

So shortly after moving here, I asked a room full of new people i had just met if anybody wanted anything from the p***-shop as I'd overheard somebody call a cornerstore that on the bus. You could hear a pin drop after i said it.

Tbh.. To this day, I do think that word needs explained because, while I now fully understand the context and how bad it is, for somebody who's not great at world geography, it genuinely sounds like it could be the right term for somebody from Pakistan. I'd never heard Pakistani before and STILL, even if I had, I'd probably think it sounds like a regular acceptable shorthand. Like calling somebody a Brit or a Yank.

Bonus story.. I heard a word once and in the context it was used, I thought it was just fun British slang for an idiot. Cue literal months of me walking around and just being like:

Man, I was such a nonce the other day...

Somebody kind finally asked me if I knew what I was saying and I'm still mad at all the people I thought were laughing at my stories about being an idiot but likely just laughing at me for calling myself a fuckin paedophile. I worked at Build-A-Bear at the time for fucks sake! I really cringe at the possibility I might've called myself that in front of a customer.

Justification.. People do interchange and casually say it to mean a twat or knobhead sometimes and to my mind, nonce sounds similar to dunce which is a term for a stupid person.

Does anyone have any fun or cringy stories of misusing Britishisms?I

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u/enigmaticbloke — 7 days ago

The irony of this small throwaway line never fails to irk me

Bernie walking into a room and just shouting at two random people to leave and immediately the next words out of her mouth are telling Howard that he's being very rude.

"What did I do?" ... Randomly just came in and took over a room while always feeling like you have the moral high ground..?

u/enigmaticbloke — 3 months ago

Simon gets a lot of praise for his facial expressions as he should. "I'm aware of that sir" is the one that lives in my head rent free.

u/enigmaticbloke — 3 months ago