u/enlightenedDiMeS

So, Iwas diagnosed with ADD at around nine years old. Pumped with Ritalin and Adderall most of my childhood (so much so they prescribed me with Klonopin to get me to sleep at night.)

I was the oldest of four children, and I am pretty smart, so I was generally left to my own devices. We didn’t have a ton of money, so I wasn’t actively engaged in sports other than a couple of years in junior high, although I did play sports in the neighborhood frequently.

I wasn’t taught any coping skills, and generally resented the diagnosis and the drugs until I stopped taking them in high school. I struggled in the Navy, although I somehow made it seven years (probably because of frequent exercise helping to regulate myself and forced routine) before self medicating with alcohol and cannabis caught up with me.

Since the Navy, I have gone through periods of success and crashes, and financial issues. After losing a job around thirty, I went and got my bachelor’s degree. I had gotten extremely overweight, so I dove deep back into exercise and got into the best shape of my life. Yoga got me really into mindfulness and meditation, and for a period of about four years I was pretty high functioning.

Then an unhealthy relationship and losing two good jobs caused me to spiral again. The relationship really broke all the good habits I had built up over the previous few years and destroyed my self image.

Then this last year I went back to school and am at the tail end of finishing my masters degree in Public Administration. Being back in academia and surrounded by other smart people has done wonders for my self esteem and pulling me out of the rut of depression and anxiety I had been dealing with for a few years.

I have done extremely well in grad school, but I still struggle with procrastination, motivation and organization. I will avoid doing an assignment until the last minute and stress myself out and then complete it and do really good work, but always feel like I could have done better it I took it in pieces. Then I watched this documentary that drove home that I’ve been avoiding coming to terms with this problem for a long time, and that my issues with alcohol were probably strongly related to my ADHD and it’s untreated nature.

I’m looking at some truly great jobs that I have tons of qualifications and experience for, and I don’t want to continue functioning at a lower capacity than what I am capable of. I spoke to my therapist and my primary care provider about talking to a psychiatrist.

I’m anxious about getting on meds, and I know I was able to treat my symptoms with consistent effort, but the last time around I had a lot of free time to build them up, and I don’t have that kind of freedom I did at thirty to focus on exercise and mindfulness.

Just looking for other people who’ve had similar experiences and have made progress for advice, maybe some empathy. I feel like I’m on the cusp of doing some really great things, and I don’t wanna crash and burn again.

The clips I’ve seen of the latest Andreson episode annoy me for like half a dozen reasons.

First, Mark complains about Austin not using a technology he is personally invested in a conspiracy minded Joe doesn’t push back at all. Andreson literally uses the argument Joe has criticized for two decades that was used to justify the Patriot Act and Joe just smiles and nods, as if the pushback hasn’t been one of his most consistent (and correct) taking points for ages.

Then, they sit and criticize Mamdani securing state funding to balance the budget, even though NYC generates ~55% of tax revenue and only receives 40% percent of state funding. Like, I don’t expect Joe to understand all that much at this point, but ffs he is one of the most impressionable people in the world if the person sitting across from him is rich, reinforces Joe’s priors and is caresses his ego in a sufficient fashion.

I rarely skipped an episode from 2010 to like 2016, but this show is getting unbearable to listen to at this point.