the world is so cynical and despite my best efforts to resist it always finds a way to pull me back.
I wish I could even just a little bit incite some sort of positive emotion or reaction or anything just do I really sound like what I was told I sounded like? I’m trying so hard. I felt hurt today because I was so wildly misunderstood by an educated person. I wish I was like other people who can get it off their mind and just scroll away and just forget about things after scrolling and I know this looks like a “first day on the internet?” scenario, but I am already sad enough as is, and my little ways of trying to stay positive and trying to see the brighter side of things being completely trampled and so insanely misconstrued as me supporting child abuse, it really just pulls me back to seeing this world as a dystopia of nothingness and everything and everyone around me immediately and always just knows that I am a horrible person but I AM trying, I am desperately trying to resist the force pulling me to wallow in negativity and self doubt. I am trying to see MYSELF in a better light through the world around me, but everyone always assumed the worst from me even when I am desperately just trying. Nobody wants or needs me in this world and I was just trying to be positive, I absolutely condemn the abuse and maltreatment of children. I disagree with hurting children especially intentionally. I wish children all grow up strong, well, happy, and not anything like me. I wish they never had to doubt themselves and I wish they see the world in a better light, be a spark to make even the smallest changes in the world, make it a better place, I just feel so disgusted and disappointed in myself. I wonder if I am exactly what I see myself or if everyone in the world sees me in an even worse as how I see myself. I am so tired. I don’t know. I’m tired of being misunderstood. I”m tired of trying to resist everything just feels so heavy and I’m just so disgusted and disappointed. I don’t know. Maybe I should just disappear. I don’t know. Even just one day of peace. Just ONE. One singular day of peace.
please dont look for the video i just wanna disappear i just wanna disappear the world hates me i feel so disgusted I wanna throw up I wanna stop crying I just want a single day of peace, everyday it’s always i dont know anymore. I’m so shallow and . `i dont know anymore. Just one days of peace or just a sliver of being valued or even feeling even just a little bit. That my life is actually worth keeping. All I do is mess everything up and destroy everything I don’t know I feel so sick and disgusted with myself.the world is just better of without me and I’m so pathetic for being tipped over the edge by an event that happened in some piece of electronic brick and glass. I dont know. I just want to know that even just once I wish that someone would value my existence, if I made someone feel understood or even just slightly smile or I dont know i feel so sick I wanna throw up i don’t know I am just not needed at all here I feel so horrible i dont know anymore. I don’t condone child abuse. I was trying . I a,m I am always trying. Why does everything related to me always just have to turn out ugly. I just wish I don’t think I wish for something so grand or complicated or I don’t know, I just don’t know anymore.