I lost my money and I feel horrible
I got ₱2,000 as my allowance from my mom. I gambled it, somehow turned it into ₱4,300, and then lost the entire ₱4,300.
That loss has been fucking with me because that money was supposed to be used for actual life, my gym membership, going on dates, buying things I need, etc. Instead, it’s just gone.
This isn’t even the first time. I’ve lost around ₱20k this week, and my total bets have reached around ₱24.3k. I’ve also caught myself gambling money that other people sent me. My girlfriend sent me ₱200, and I gambled that too.
The worst part is that I keep telling myself, “last bet and if i win this, i’ll stop” Then I relapse and chase my losses.
I’ve noticed that when I win, it actually makes things worse because I start thinking I can win even more. Then when I lose, I want to chase the loss and get the money back. It’s become a cycle.
I’ve been feeling helpless and depressed because of this.
I’m thinking about getting a part-time job. Not just to replace the money I’ve lost, but because I want to understand the value of money by actually working for it. I feel like if I had to work several hours to earn ₱500, I might think very differently before risking it.
One thing that used to help me was immediately withdrawing my winnings as cash so I couldn’t easily put it back into gambling. I’m thinking of doing that again and putting more barriers between me and gambling.
I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe advice, maybe someone who has been through the same thing, maybe just reassurance that I’m not completely fucked.
I feel so helpless and irresponsible, I feel like I’m not a good son, partner. I feel horrible and I feel like I’m going back a lot of steps in my life.