u/escapishhh

Hit me with your birthday and your twin's birthdays, please! I'm doing some research... thanks! 💕

Edit: for the record, I am researching birth charts between twin partners to see if a pattern emerges and the birth year is required to calculate your charts. If you have birth times as well that would also be helpful, but not entirely required. Feel free to send me a message with your & your twin's info if you're uncomfortable posting it. Thank youuuu!!

I don't even know what flair to use... am I seeking advice?? I guess so ...? Maybe?? No idea.

Of course I am married. A "stay at home mom" who met their DM through her son's school (DM is my son's best friend's father 😭 and he is also married). This began 2 years ago... we met on Valentine's day (thanks for the joke, universe) and I've been fucked up ever since. Long story short, I am now planning on leaving my husband... but we have a 6 year old and 4 year old. I feel fucking insane. Husband unintentionally slammed the nail in the coffin in our relationship just following our 16 year anniversary in February. He knows I'm having a really hard time being with him right now, but at this point I am soooo grossed out by having to do the formality stuff like kissing him or hugging him. I want nothing to do with him.

Now, I know the twin flame journey is complicated and I can't make massive life decisions (like divorce and buying my own house) based on getting to be with him because it's his life, I don't know what he will really do because while his wife does work, I do believe he is the main monetary support of the family and I know he is honorable, but I also feel his head and heart are fighting... I feel his heart is with me based on his actions with me (which I won't get into for the sake of brevity) and what feels like my own delusion (like my meditations and energy scans for over the last 10 years have shown a large hole of energy around my back that I could not fix... no matter how hard I tried it stayed open and empty. After really getting back into meditating and energy work in the last few months I see his energy there filling in this void and thensome). Point being: I am not leaving specifically to get with him because I have no clue what will happen.

I don't know how I can possibly stay here in this marriage when everything in my body and soul is screaming at me to leave, but then I have the guilt of breaking up the family and no idea how I will make things work for the kids and I since I have no actual career to go back to and no family support system 800 miles from my home state. He is a good man, he just keeps breaking my heart while I am simultaneously being inexplicably drawn to my DM. With leaving, I feel like I will be trading my nervous system being fucked up over feeling my boundaries are being violated by the man I married to my nervous system being fucked up about having to manage two young kids, a full time job, house everything and all the other midlife adult stuff as well as navigating these intense feelings for my DM. I want a calm nervous system and I have faith I am doing the right thing by planning on leaving, but I feel fucking awful for my kids while also feeling like I will be able to (hopefully) be a better person by leaving.

Why is this shit so hard? Damn.

Anyway, if anyone else has a similar situation or advice I'm down to hear it.

Thanks for your time. Love you!